Will Lana or Ruby Soho be the big surprise during AEW All Out's Casino Battle Royale? Plus: Linda McMahon, Max Caster, Sasha Banks, and more wrestling news and hot goss!
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, and for years I spent my time rounding up my political enemies and having them executed, but now instead I round up wrestling rumors from around the web and bring them to you here in The People's Dirt Sheet Rumor Roundup. And my friends, I can honestly say that the latter is more fulfilling… though I do sometimes miss the tortured wails of dissidents emanating from my dungeon. Perhaps I will have my secret police round up some of the people who have been complaining about my articles on Twitter. Haw haw haw haw!
Will Ospreay confirmed rumors he's tested positive for COVID-19, which will keep him out of action for at least ten days. "I'm fully vaccinated. I'll be fine," Ospreay said in a video. I wish you a swift and complication-free recovery, comrade.
In related news, Pac vs. Andrade El Idolo will no longer take place at All Out, AEW announced. Andrade posted to Twitter that it's Pac who can't make the match. And according to Wrestling Observer Radio's Dave Meltzer, the reason Pac can't be there is the same as the reason Sasha Banks has been absent for WWE for the last several weeks. Meltzer didn't elaborate on what that was, but Banks is an alleged anti-vaxxer, so draw your own conclusions, amigos.
According to Fightful Select, WWE is planning for next year's WrestleMania in Dallas to once again take place over two nights instead of one. That's great news for WWE, who will be able to sell twice as many tickets, but bad news for the manufacturers of portable urine sacks, whose sales will suffer as a result.
Speaking of the pitfalls of capitalism, comrades, Linda McMahon has been named Chairperson of the Center for the American Worker by the MAGA think tank she also chairs, America First Policy Institute, as part of a scheme (that turned out to be successful) to convince wrestling news aggregator websites to blindly post links to their anti-union, anti-worker manifesto unchecked and without context. AFPI President Brooke Rollins said, "There is no stronger advocate or voice for the American worker and their employers than Linda McMahon—an entrepreneur who helped grow a two-person small business to a worldwide, publicly traded corporation that employs hundreds."
In celebration of the news, WWE prepared to fire another two dozen "independent contractors" and continued exploiting the rest of them. No, seriously. On Wrestling Observer Radio, Dave Meltzer reported that more cuts could be coming to NXT and that he's personally heard of multiple longtime NXT roster members on the chopping block. I retract my retraction.
In other NXT news, WWE has reportedly closed its WWE Japan division, putting to rest once and for all the long-rumored NXT expansion into the country. And in additional rumors on the NXT Takeover by Bruce Pritchard and Vince McMahon, legitimate online wrestling news source The WrestleTalk Twitter Account said that Triple H and his cronies will still run the day-to-day operations of NXT:
Of course, that's what Vince has said in the past about Raw and Smackdown, when bringing in "Creative Directors," when making "the universe" into "the authority," or whatever. The fact is, and I'm saying this one dictator to another, sometimes you need scapegoats around to take the blame when things go wrong, and if Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Billy Regal, and the Road Dogg are fired, comrades, then Pritchard knows he'll be the one taking the blame. Can't have that, so he'll make sure the others live to fight another day. The bottom line is that, for the time being, the NXT script will now be torn up and rewritten a minimum of three times before every taping, pal, and someone is going to be involved a cuckold angle, dammit!
Speaking of cuckold angles, CJ Perry, formerly known as Lana, teased a possible appearance at AEW All Out this weekend, posting on Instagram, "90 days is over. …. You know what that means ????" Perry's husband, Miro, will defend his TNT Championship against Eddie Kingston at the show, and Miro has mentioned his wife in a promo as recently as last week. Could she show up to get involved in that match?
Another possibility is that Perry could enter the Women's Casino Battle Royale match at All Out, since Tony Khan just promised during a media conference call at least one more surprise for that match. Of course, Ruby Soho, formerly Riott, was also released at the same time as Perry, so her 90-day no-compete clause would also be up just in time. Soho has previously been rumored to be headed to AEW, and many fans already expected her to make her return to television during that match.
Speaking of returns, Max Caster will return to AEW on the next episode of AEW Dark, spoilers from the taping reveal. Caster hasn't been seen on AEW since he made fun of Simone Biles and the Duke lacrosse team rape allegations during his entrance rap in early August. Tony Khan took responsibility for the rap airing by claiming to be out of the room while that segment was edited. At the taping, Caster came to the aid of his tag team partner Anthony Bowens, dragging along Khan, who had handcuffed himself to Caster's wrist and was glaring at him sternly the whole time.
And that's all for today, comrades! Your El Presidency will back tomorrow for more hot wrestling news and gossip in The People's Dirt Sheet Rumor Roundup. Until then, remember: socialism or death!