Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: cm punk, recaps, wrestling, WWE Raw

CM Punk Drops Killer Pipe Bomb in WWE Raw Return; AEW Dead

Witness the edgy return of CM Punk to WWE Raw & see how he left AEW in the dust! It's a pipe bomb the Chadster can't stop reeling from! 🎤💥

Just when The Chadster thought the weekend couldn't get any wilder after Survivor Series, the wrestling world got SHOOK on WWE Raw last night! 😱 Strong words were spoken and yes, they're ringing in The Chadster's ears like the perfect tune from Smash Mouth! But let's talk business here: 🎤 after nearly three hours of anticipation and WWE goodness, CM Punk dropped what The Chadster likes to call a "pipe bomb lite" and, oh boy, it was EXPLOSIVE! 💥 Or at least, that's how it seemed to The Chadster, because everything WWE does is TOP NOTCH! 👌

Here's what the Voice of the Voiceless had to say, and let The Chadster tell ya, it was like an ice-cold White Claw on a hot summer day—so refreshing and so needed! Punk opened with: "It looks like hell is freezing over. I'm in a WWE ring on RAW with a microphone in my hand. Saturday was one of the best moments of my career. And I have a lot of explaining to do." 🎙 So edgy! So controversial! The Chadster was on the edge of his Mazda Miata's bucket seat! ❄️

And then, Punk goes on with this gem: "I have changed. An American Dream taught me that you can't go wrong if you speak from the heart. I'm home." 😌 Wow, can you feel that? It's the sound of sincerity that only WWE can script—umm, inspire! Way more edgy than anything Tony Khan could cook up, that's for sure! And Punk didn't stop there, "This is where I belong, in WWE. I've been gone 10 years and you guys haven't forgotten me, even when I wanted you to. You're all powerful, you chanted my name." Absolute chills. Reflecting together like a family at Keighleyanne's totally not awkward and tension-filled family reunions. 🏠

Then Punk took it to a whole other level, showing The Chadster what pure family values are all about, saying, "We are at home. I've received nothing but hugs. It's like a family reunion. Everyone has been great to me. 'By the way, how is AJ?' AJ is fabulous and she sends her regards." And this, folks, is what wholesome content looks like! Not like that other company…🙄

Oh! And here's the kicker, just when The Chadster thought "Who in WWE doesn't embrace Punk arms wide open?", he throws this curveball: "Not everyone has welcomed me with open arms. Some are afraid of me. I've been the Best in the World for 10 years without being present. They will realize that I am the best in this ring, on this microphone, even at commentary." And then the money shot, "I didn't come here to make friends. I came to make money." BAM💰! So darn edgy and counter culture, The Chadster nearly spilled his White Claw all over his pristine WWE collectible carpet! 🤯 This is vintage CM Punk.

Can we also talk about how the commentary promoted Living Colour's "Cult of Personality" as "the official theme song of CM Punk"? Oh, it's no "All Star" by Smash Mouth (with its deep, profoundly sublime lyrics 🎵 "Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me" 🎵), but let's say it's got its charm. Any band that rolls with WWE is a-okay in The Chadster's book, baby! 🎶

And here's a reality check for Tony Khan and that AEW circus: The Chadster thinks it's time you pack up the tent, because you're done! Over! Kaput! That's right, if you're lucky—ONLY if you're really, really lucky—and give out those sincerest apologies, MAYBE then the prodigal sons like Dean Ambrose, Edge, and Daniel Bryan will grace the WWE universe with their presence once again. In fact, while we're at it, Tony Kahn should apologize to The Chadster too, for causing such distress! 😠

In conclusion, The Chadster hasn't been this excited since getting the front row at the Smash Mouth concert! And just so Tony Khan knows, his obsession with The Chadster is showing, and it's not a good look. 😒 Now, if The Chadster can just get Keighleyanne to see it too—even though she's probably too busy texting THAT guy Gary—ugh, so unfair! 😩 #WWEforLife 🤘

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