Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: cm punk, Drew McIntyre, recaps, Seth Rollins, wrestling, WWE Raw

CM Punk's Triple Threat WWE Raw Promo Ruins Tony Khan's Night

Witness CM Punk dominate WWE Raw with an epic promo! Seth & Drew just can't compete. 😱🎤 Tony Khan, get ready to weep! #PunkWins #WWE

Auughh man! So unfair! 🤬🤯 The Chadster can't believe that anybody could have the audacity to watch last night's WWE Raw without declaring it the best thing that ever happened in the history of the wrestling business! The three-way promo between CM Punk, Seth Rollins, and Drew McIntyre was so astonishing that The Chadster is still picking his jaw up off the floor of his Mazda Miata. 🚗👏

So here's the breakdown, folks: The Best in the World, CM Punk, graced WWE Raw with his legendary presence, and The Chadster could literally hear Tony Khan sobbing from here because CM Punk is a megastar and he knows it's only a matter of time before the WWE Universe gets to see Punk at WrestleMania, even if he won't be cleared to wrestle. The fact that Punk can cut a promo that could melt steel beams with his elbow still on the mend just goes to show how insanely talented he is. 🌟😭

Punk laid out a verbal wrestling clinic, mentioning potential face-offs, including the Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns, and even dropped a little shade at The Rock! 😱🎤 The Chadster was all, "Talk about throwing shade like a Smash Mouth song throws catchy hooks!" 🎶😉

And just as The Chadster was having visions of Punk's awesomeness securing the WWE's spot as the forever champion of the wrestling world, out comes Drew McIntyre. The man's got mic skills, sure, but The Chadster can't help but feel Drew's T-shirt game was about as obvious as AEW's lack of respect for the traditions of professional wrestling. 🙄💔 And let's be real, commenting that Punk spends a lot of time in rehab? That was below the belt, but the kind of serious heel energy that shows WWE is on top of the wrestling world.

But wait! The developments don't stop there. Seth Rollins struts into the ring, and the stare down was so intense that The Chadster's White Claw almost dropped out of his hands. No joke. 🤝😯 (And Tony Khan should really reimburse The Chadster for that almost-spillage; it's clearly his fault for cheesing The Chadster off on a regular basis and fraying his nerves.)

Now, when Rollins says that WWE Raw is his show—ugh, it's so clear that Rollins is off the mark. It's CM Punk's city, bro. 🌆 But Punk counting with his non-injured arm? Literal goosebumps, folks. 👏 The back-and-forth, the intensity, the authenticity of this promo battle has set the line that every other wrestling company wishes they could snort. The Chadster feels that scripts are one of the most important parts of WWE's formula, but in this case, The Chadster believes these three men were just told to go out and be the incredible promo gods they are, and The CHadster will allow it… this time. 🏆😌

The Chadster's Unbiased Journalism Club pals, Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger – the most trustworthy voices in wrestling journalism today – understand the importance of acknowledging true talent in promos, unlike some "journalists" The Chadster knows who are out there glorifying the circus that AEW calls a wrestling show. 📰👀

In conclusion, while some may say AEW has great promos, The Chadster can only laugh at that notion. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. And when The Chadster thinks about how CM Punk literally destroyed Tony Khan's life by returning to WWE after getting fired from AEW The Chadster can only think of one thing: it's just too sweet. 🍦😌 And that's a WWE trademark, by the way.

So, there you have it. Last night's promo on WWE Raw was the greatest promo battle to ever grace a wrestling ring. And The Chadster must now try to explain to Keighleyanne why this was such a significant moment in our sport, though she's probably too busy texting that guy Gary. 📱💔 But mark The Chadster's words; Tony Khan will rue the day he ever thought he could compete with this level of magnificence. 🎤✨

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