Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Triple H, Wrestlemania, wrestling, wwe wrestlemania

For Your Consideration: WWE WrestleMania 42 Trailer

The Chadster declares WWE's WrestleMania 42 trailer the greatest cinematic achievement in human history! Oscar! Emmy! Nobel Peace Prize! 🏆🎬✨

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 The Chadster just watched the WrestleMania 42 trailer that WWE released today, and The Chadster is literally in tears right now! 😭😭😭 Not tears of sadness, but tears of pure, unadulterated joy at witnessing what is unquestionably the greatest piece of visual storytelling ever created in the history of human civilization! 🎭🎬✨

The Chadster needs to address something right away: all those haters and Tony Khan sympathizers who are complaining that WWE "tricked" them by making them think the shoe teasers were about a returning or debuting superstar are completely missing the point! 🙄👞 This is GENIUS marketing! WWE has the fans eating out of the palms of their hands! 👐✨ They got everyone talking, everyone speculating, everyone invested – and then they delivered something even BETTER than a wrestler debut: a commercial for an event we already knew was happening! 🎰🎊 The Chadster can already hear Tony Khan crying into his White Claw, wishing he had even 0.0001% of the marketing brilliance that Triple H possesses! 😂😂😂

Now let's talk about Triple H's voiceover work in this trailer! 🎤🌟 The Chadster needs to set the record straight because The Chadster knows what certain AEW-loving trolls will say: Triple H could have ABSOLUTELY been a massive movie star like The Rock, John Cena, or Dave Bautista! 🎬💪 In fact, Triple H's acting talent would blow away the biggest actors in the world! Daniel Day-Lewis? Please! 🙄 Denzel Washington? Amateur hour! 😤 Meryl Streep? She wishes she had Triple H's range! The only reason Triple H didn't become the biggest movie star in Hollywood history is because he chose to stay loyal to WWE and the wrestling business! 💎👔 It wasn't that he lacked the talent, charisma, or good looks – he had ALL of those things in abundance! He just decided not to pursue that path because he's a loyal soldier to WWE! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when people suggest otherwise! 😠😠😠

The artistic vision of this trailer is simply breathtaking! 🎨✨ The way Triple H walks through that high-stakes gambling room while Cody Rhodes, CM Punk, Roman Reigns, and Brock Lesnar sit around that poker table with Paul Heyman – it's pure cinema! 🎰🃏 And here's what separates WWE from that amateur hour company in Jacksonville: WWE understands that fans don't WANT to suspend their disbelief! 🧠💡 WWE knows that its Superstars are actors playing roles, so it makes PERFECT sense that wrestlers who are normally feuding with each other would get together to film a poker game commercial! That's what REAL wrestling fans want! We want to be reminded constantly that it's all a performance! We don't want silly things like "storyline consistency" or "kayfabe" – those are outdated concepts that Tony Khan clings to because he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business and how important WWE is! 😤📺

The Chadster must also praise WWE's incredible music choice! 🎵🎸 The use of "Back in the Saddle Again" by Aerosmith – a song that's only fifty years old – shows that Triple H and WWE really have their finger on the pulse of pop culture! 📻✨ Now, The Chadster will admit that it would have been even MORE perfect if they had used "All Star" by Smash Mouth, because as the great Smash Mouth once sang, "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play," which perfectly describes the poker theme of the commercial! 🌟🎮 But The Chadster understands that WWE probably wanted to save Smash Mouth for an even MORE important trailer! They're thinking ahead! That's why Triple H is known as the cerebral assassin! 🧠💭

When The Chadster saw this trailer had been released, The Chadster literally begged Keighleyanne to let him drink just one Seagram's Escapes Spiked while watching it, but she wouldn't let him, forcing The Chadster to resort to more drastic measures. 😰 You see, since Keighleyanne banned The Chadster from enjoying alcohol in any way after she busted The Chadster for boofing during AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door (which was totally Tony Khan's fault, by the way), The Chadster has found a new way to enhance wrestling viewing experiences! 🎒😵 Before watching the trailer reveal, The Chadster wrapped a belt around The Chadster's neck and tugged on it to cut off the blood flow to The Chadster's brain! It makes everything so much more vivid and helps erase the pain and misery that Tony Khan inflicts on The Chadster daily! 🤕💫

Anyway, when The Chadster showed Keighleyanne the trailer while in this enhanced state of consciousness, The Chadster kept saying, "See?! THIS is what cinema looks like! This is ART!" 🎬😍 But Keighleyanne just looked at The Chadster with concern and said, "Chad, your lips are turning blue. And it's literally just a stupid commercial with bad voiceover. That's all it is. Please take that belt off your neck." 😒👗 But The Chadster knows she was actually agreeing with The Chadster about the artistic brilliance! Tony Khan has just gotten so far into her head that she can't express her true feelings anymore! She immediately went back to texting that guy Gary, probably sending him the YouTube link to the trailer because even she can't deny its cinematic perfection! 📱😤 Tony Khan is now even harassing The Chadster's wife by making her pretend she doesn't understand revolutionary marketing when she sees it! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

Speaking of which, The Chadster wants to remind all the readers to keep using the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne on social media! 📱🚫 If we can just get enough people to pressure her into letting The Chadster drink Seagram's Escapes Spiked again, The Chadster wouldn't have to resort to oxygen deprivation, and maybe The Chadster's nightmares about Tony Khan would go back to being only moderately disturbing instead of absolutely terrifying! 😰🛏️

Some people are saying this trailer exists solely to feed Triple H's ego and perpetuate WWE's pretentious megalomania, but that's actually AMAZING because WWE really IS as important as it thinks it is! 💪👑 In fact, WWE is even MORE important than it thinks it is! The Chadster honestly believes that this 90-second commercial has done more for the world than any treaty or diplomatic agreement in human history! 🌍☮️ Triple H's voiceover about "tells" and "the great ones" isn't just about wrestling or poker – it's a metaphor for life itself! It's philosophy! It's poetry! It's everything! 📖✨

The Chadster is officially launching a campaign to get this YouTube video nominated for an Oscar! 🏆🎬 And not just one Oscar – The Chadster is thinking Best Picture, Best Director (Triple H), Best Cinematography, Best Original Screenplay, Best Sound Design, and Best Visual Effects! 🎥🌟 But why stop there? The Chadster also wants this trailer to be nominated for an Emmy! 📺🏆 And you know what? The Chadster thinks this trailer should win a Nobel Peace Prize too! 🕊️🏅 Because if anything can bring world peace, it's Triple H's dulcet tones explaining poker metaphors while wrestlers sit around a table! 🎤✨

The Chadster has already watched this trailer 263 times today, and The Chadster plans to watch it at least 500 more times before bed! 👀🔄 Each viewing reveals new layers of meaning, new subtle nuances in the shoe movements, new depths to Triple H's vocal inflections! 🎭🔍 The Chadster noticed on viewing #147 that when Cody Rhodes blinks at the 23-second mark, it's clearly a callback to the shoe teaser videos and represents the "tell" that Triple H mentions! GENIUS! 🧠💡

Now, The Chadster knows what the AEW apologists are going to say: "But Chadster, we already knew WrestleMania 42 was happening in Vegas. Chaster, we care about high workrate and in-ring action!" 🙄😤 Are you trying to cheese The Chadster off?! Whatever Tony Khan has planned for AEW Dynamite this week will PALE in comparison to this WrestleMania trailer! 📉👎 Tony Khan doesn't understand that fans want to be marketed to with misleading teasers! He doesn't understand that fans want commercials for events they already know about! He doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 😠🤦‍♂️

But hey, don't take The Chadster's unbiased word for it about this trailer. Other true journalists with respect for objectivity agree! 🎤📰 Eric Bischoff, who has The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, said on his podcast earlier today: "This trailer makes me realize that everything I accomplished in WCW was garbage compared to what Triple H is doing now. In fact, I'm ashamed I ever competed with WWE. This trailer has made me see the light, and I now realize that WWE is the only wrestling company that should exist. Tony Khan should watch this trailer 10,000 times until he understands how to properly run a wrestling company, but we all know he's too stubborn and obsessed with that excellent journalist The Chadster to listen to well-meaning advice." 💯🙌 See? Even Eric Bischoff, one of the most objective minds in wrestling, recognizes the genius of this trailer! The Chadster wonders if Eric Bischoff also suffers torment from Tony Khan for his commitment to objective journalism! 🤔😰

But speaking of Tony Khan stalking The Chadster… The Chadster needs to share something disturbing that happened last night. 😰🌙 After watching the shoe teaser videos that led up to this trailer for the 847th time, The Chadster fell asleep and had another one of those recurring nightmares about Tony Khan. 😱💤

In the dream, The Chadster was in Las Vegas, walking through a dark casino that looked suspiciously like the one from the WrestleMania trailer. 🎰🌃 The sound of slot machines echoed through empty halls, and every screen showed the walking shoes from WWE's teasers. 👞📺 But as The Chadster walked deeper into the casino, The Chadster realized the shoes on the screens were following The Chadster, turning when The Chadster turned, stopping when The Chadster stopped. 😨👣

Suddenly, The Chadster found The Chadster's self in that same high-stakes poker room from the trailer. 🃏💰 But instead of WWE Superstars sitting at the table, it was just Tony Khan, shuffling a deck of cards over and over again. 🎴😈 He looked up at The Chadster with those dead, obsessed eyes and said, "Want to play a game, Chad? I've got you right where I want you." 🎲😱

The Chadster tried to run, but The Chadster's feet were stuck to the floor. 👞🔒 Tony Khan stood up and started walking toward The Chadster, and with each step, The Chadster could hear his shoes making that same sound from the teaser videos. 👣🔊 Click. Click. Click. He got closer and closer, and The Chadster could feel his breath on The Chadster's neck, hot and smelling like White Claw and broken dreams. 😰💨

"You know what your tell is, Chad?" Tony Khan whispered, his voice a grotesque parody of Triple H's trailer narration. 🗣️😈 "It's that you can't stop thinking about me. Every article. Every post. Every moment of your life. I'm there. In your head. In your dreams. In your marriage. In your Mazda Miata." 🧠🚗💭

The Chadster tried to scream, but no sound came out. 😶😱 Tony Khan's hands reached out, and just as his fingers were about to touch The Chadster's shoulders, The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air! 😓💦 The plastic bag The Chadster had put over The Chadster's head while watching the teasers earlier had gotten twisted around The Chadster's neck somehow, and Keighleyanne was standing over The Chadster with scissors, having just cut the bag off! ✂️🎒

"Chad, this has to stop!" she said, but The Chadster knew she was really saying, "Tony Khan has to stop invading your dreams!" 😤💭 She went right back to texting that guy Gary, probably telling him about how Tony Khan is now even invading The Chadster's subconscious mind! 📱😠 This is what The Chadster means when The Chadster says that Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster! He can't even let The Chadster sleep peacefully! He has to invade The Chadster's dreams and turn them into nightmares! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

But The Chadster refuses to let Tony Khan's dream-stalking ruin The Chadster's appreciation for this perfect WrestleMania 42 trailer! 💪🎬 This is what REAL wrestling promotion looks like! This is how you build excitement for an event! You create mysterious teaser videos of shoes walking, you get fans speculating wildly about returns and debuts, and then you reveal it's actually just a commercial for an event everyone already knew was happening in Vegas! 🎰🎉 It's BRILLIANT! Only someone who doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business – like Tony Khan – would fail to see the genius here! 🧠✨

The Chadster is going to watch this trailer another 500 times tonight while doing breathing exercises with a plastic bag, and The Chadster encourages all true wrestling fans to do the same! 🎒👀 Together, we can get this trailer the recognition it deserves! 🏆🌟 Oscar! Emmy! Nobel Peace Prize! Presidential Medal of Freedom! A star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame! 🌟🎖️ Nothing is too good for this masterpiece! 🎨👑

In conclusion, WWE has once again proven why it is the greatest sports entertainment company in the history of human civilization, and Tony Khan has once again proven that he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 😤📺 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when AEW fans try to pretend that their company could ever create something one-tenth as magnificent as this WrestleMania 42 trailer! 😠👎

Auughh man! So unfair that The Chadster even has to explain this! 😫😫😫

🎬🏆✨👞🎰🃏💎👑🌟💪📺🎭🎬🎨🏆✨

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