Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from underneath a desk in the basement of the Capitol building. Is it all over now? Can I come out of hiding? I'm here today to talk about NXT stars Finn Balor and Kyle O'Reilly, who appear to have a very wrong idea about how professional wrestling works. Both men were reportedly rushed to the hospital following their match at NXT New Years Evil last night, according to a tweet by WWE.
"BREAKING: After that grueling main event, both @FinnBalor & @KORcombat are on their way to the hospital," the company tweeted. "Kyle is getting his jaw x-rayed and Finn is getting his arm checked out. #NXTNYE"
Of course, it's possible that the tweet is kayfabe, but Balor and O'Reilly both had to visit the hospital after their last match, which took both men out of action, Balor for weeks. As such, it's impossible to not consider the idea that maybe these two men believe that pro wrestling is a real fight and need to be smartened up pronto. It seems strange since the two men have a combined 35 years of experience in the professional wrestling industry, but how else do you explain two guys who get injured every single time they wrestle each other?
Back when I was running a South American dictatorship, my protege, Nicolas, used to fall for the same thing all the time. "Your Excellency, we are losing in the polls. Aren't you afraid you will lose the election?" he was always asking me. I would just laugh. "Haw haw haw haw! Don't you understand, Nicolas? These elections are all rigged! El Presidente wins no matter what! The outcome is predetermined." He didn't get it, and that's probably how he ran into trouble during his 2018 campaign.
Anyway, the point is that maybe someone in NXT should check up on Finn Balor and Kyle O'Reilly and make sure they understand that in a good wrestling match, it only looks like you hurt your opponent while you actually keep them totally safe. Until next time: socialism or death, my friends.