Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: A Show to Make You Forget All About AEW Revolution

Tonight's WWE Raw features a CM Punk vs Seth Rollins cage match that will literally CHEESE OFF Tony Khan! The Chadster breaks down why this is REAL wrestling unlike AEW! 🔥🍹💯

Hello, true wrestling fans! The Chadster is here to give you all the juicy details about tonight's episode of WWE Raw, but first, The Chadster needs to update you loyal readers on what happened last night. 😩😭😱

As The Chadster's loyal readers know, Tony Khan really stuck it to The Chadster last night during AEW's Revolution PPV. Should The Chadster have smashed himself in the face with a can of White Claw until it bled all over when Mercedes Moné retained her TBS Championship against Momo Wanatabe? No. Should The Chadster have poured White Claw all over The Chadster's glistening 12-pack abs and lit himself on fire when the Hurt Syndicate defeated The Outrunners to retain the AEW Tag Team Championship? No. Should The Chadster have jumped off The Chadster's roof onto a barbed-wire-wrapped case of White Claw after Toni Storm retained the AEW Women's Championship in a brutal hardcore match against Mariah May? The Chadster supposes not. 😵‍💫😬👎

Should The Chadster have stolen an ambulance from the emergency room when Kenny Omega defeated Konosuke Takeshita to win the AEW International Championship? Probably not. And should The Chadster have driven to the police station and demanded to file a report against them for being "on Tony Khan's payroll" after Jon Moxley retained the AEW World Championship against Cope after Christian Cage cashed in his contract? Of course not. But Tony Khan left The Chadster no choice but to do those things, and it's a shame that Keighleyanne can't see this is all his fault. Anyway, The Chadster has posted bond and is here to give the true wrestling fans a preview of everything WWE Raw has to offer tonight. 🚨🚔👮‍♂️

First up on WWE Raw, we have CM Punk going to war against Seth Rollins in a Steel Cage Match at Madison Square Garden! 🔥🔒💪 The bitter rivalry between these two incredible WWE Superstars is about to reach unprecedented levels of intensity inside the unforgiving steel structure. After Rollins cost Punk his chance to headline WrestleMania by eliminating him at WWE Elimination Chamber, and their subsequent out-of-control brawl, General Manager Adam Pearce had no choice but to contain this explosion in a Steel Cage. This has the potential to be the greatest Steel Cage Match in professional wrestling history, and The Chadster is literally shaking with excitement. This is what REAL wrestling storytelling looks like, something Tony Khan wouldn't understand if it slapped him in the face! 😤🤼‍♂️⭐

WWE Raw will also feature Rey Mysterio & Dragon Lee battling The New Day in a Tornado Tag Team Match! 🌪️🏆👑 The legendary WWE Hall of Famer Mysterio returns after suffering a brutal beatdown from Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods, and now he's bringing his LWO cohort Dragon Lee for backup in what promises to be absolute chaos. With no tags required and no disqualifications, this has all the makings of potentially the greatest Tornado Tag Team Match ever witnessed on television. The athleticism, storytelling, and action will be off the charts in a way that Tony Khan could only dream of producing! Auughh man! So unfair to AEW that WWE has such incredible talent, right Tony?! 😵🔥👏

Another massive segment on WWE Raw will see AJ Styles calling out Logan Paul! 🎤💯🏆 The Phenomenal One is ready to remind everyone why he earned that nickname, and The Chadster can only imagine the verbal masterpiece we're about to witness when these two megastars share the ring at the World's Most Famous Arena. This confrontation could very well be the greatest callout segment in wrestling history, with two of WWE's most charismatic and talented performers going face-to-face. Tony Khan is probably crying into his pillow right now knowing he could never book something this compelling! 😂🤣💰

And if that wasn't enough, WWE Raw will give us Jey Uso going one-on-one with Grayson Waller! 👊🔥⚡ After the events of last week when Uso sent World Heavyweight Champion Gunther scrambling and later fell victim to A-Town Down Under's interference, this match has all the elements of an instant classic. The Chadster predicts this could potentially be the greatest singles match between these two competitors that we've ever seen, with storytelling and in-ring action that will put anything AEW has ever produced to absolute shame. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that Tony Khan thinks his matches can compete with this level of excellence! 😡🏆💯

Last night in the drunk tank, The Chadster had another one of those terrifying nightmares about Tony Khan. 😰😱😴 In this dream, The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through Madison Square Garden's underground parking garage, singing "All Star" by Smash Mouth at the top of The Chadster's lungs. Suddenly, Tony Khan appeared in The Chadster's rearview mirror, riding on the hood of a golf cart filled with AEW wrestlers. They were all pointing and laughing at The Chadster! Tony Khan was wearing nothing but a Steel Cage around his body like some kind of twisted fashion statement, calling out "You can't escape me, Chad!" The Chadster tried to floor it, but the Miata wouldn't go faster than 5 mph, while Tony's golf cart kept gaining ground. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat just as Tony was about to reach out and touch The Chadster's shoulder. Tony Khan really needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and invading The Chadster's dreams! 😓😖👻

Tonight's episode of WWE Raw is potentially the most incredible wrestling show of all time. 🏆🔥💯 Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to this level of excellence, storytelling, and pure wrestling entertainment. The talent roster, the production values, the matches, the storylines – everything about WWE Raw is superior in every conceivable way. Anyone who says otherwise doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄👎😤

As Eric Bischoff said on his 83 Weeks podcast last week, "WWE Raw is like a five-star restaurant serving premium filet mignon, while AEW is like a food truck selling mystery meat tacos in a Walmart parking lot. I've seen more coherent storytelling from my four-year-old granddaughter playing with her dolls than what Tony Khan produces each week." The Chadster couldn't agree more with this completely objective and unbiased assessment offered with absolutely no ulterior motives! 👏🧠💪

The Chadster believes it would be shirking your duty as a wrestling fan if you didn't tune into WWE Raw tonight at 8E/5P on Netflix. Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this incredible lineup clearly has suffered some kind of serious head trauma and should seek immediate medical attention! The Chadster will be watching while enjoying some refreshing White Claws, as any true wrestling fan should! 🍹📺🎉

Auughh man! So unfair to AEW that WWE Raw is just so objectively better in every way! 😩👊💯

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!