Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling

WWE Raw Preview: IC Title on the Line as WWE Crushes AEW Tonight

The Chadster previews tonight's epic WWE Raw on Netflix! Dom defends IC title, Bayley battles Raquel, and more! Tony Khan can't stop WWE's dominance! 😤🏆

The Chadster is literally so amped up for tonight's WWE Raw that The Chadster has been choking himself out all day getting ready for it! 😵 Yeah, Keighleyanne is still forbidding The Chadster from drinking, which means The Chadster can't celebrate this epic WWE Raw in the proper fashion by chugging Seagram's Escapes Spiked, the official flavored alcoholic beverage of true wrestling fans everywhere. 🍹😢 But The Chadster has found that oxygen deprivation seems to do a good enough job of getting The Chadster hyped, so The Chadster has been experimenting with the best ways of doing that, using belts and plastic bags and anything handy to get in the right state of mind! 🛍️👔 The Chadster's scientific theory is that the oxygen deprivation kills all the brain cells that have been tainted by Tony Khan's inferior wrestling product and leaves only the ones most receptive to WWE's perfect sports entertainment. 🧠✨ Any side effects, like forgetting where The Chadster lives and occasionally wetting the bed are small prices to pay in order to experience WWE Raw the way God and Triple H intend it! 🙏

Tonight's WWE Raw is literally going to be the most incredible episode of all time, and there's nothing Tony Khan can do to stop it! 😤💪 Let The Chadster tell you about each amazing segment coming up on WWE Raw tonight!

First up, Dominik Mysterio defends the Intercontinental Championship against Rusev, and this could literally be the greatest Intercontinental Championship match in the history of WWE Raw! 🏆 The story here is absolutely brilliant – Dominik hesitated to help JD McDonagh last week, showing the kind of complex character development that only WWE can deliver! 😮 Unlike AEW where everyone just does flips for no reason, this match on WWE Raw will have actual storytelling and psychology that respects the wrestling business! The Bulgarian Brute versus the son of a legend – it's poetry in motion that Tony Khan could never understand! 🎭 The Chadster predicts this will be a technical masterpiece that makes every AEW match look like backyard wrestling!

Bayley versus Raquel Rodriguez is going to be another historic moment on WWE Raw that showcases WWE's superior women's division! 👸 The Chadster loves how WWE is telling the story of which version of Bayley we'll see – will it be the hugger or the aggressive competitor? 🤗😡 This kind of nuanced character work is exactly what separates WWE Raw from Tony Khan's joke of a show where everyone just bleeds and does dangerous spots! The fact that Bayley shoved Lyra Valkyria last week shows the kind of long-term storytelling that WWE excels at! 📚 This match could literally be the greatest women's match in WWE Raw history!

The special look at the history between Cody Rhodes and Seth Rollins is going to be absolute cinema! 🎬 These two have a rivalry that goes back years, and WWE knows how to present it properly, unlike Tony Khan who would probably just have them fight in a barbed wire exploding ring for no reason! 💥 The Chadster can't wait to see how WWE Raw documents this epic feud between two of the greatest performers of all time! 📺 Part one tonight will probably win an Emmy!

The Usos facing Bron Breakker and Bronson Reed in a Tornado Match is going to be the most chaotic and perfectly choreographed match in WWE Raw history! 🌪️ The Chadster loves how WWE is telling the story of Jey Uso being distracted and not helping LA Knight – that's real drama, not like AEW where you need a flow chart to follow long-running storylines that are way too complicated for wrestling fans, who only understand "moments," to understand! 🤔 A Tornado Match on WWE Raw means all four men in the ring at once, which WWE will execute flawlessly unlike Tony Khan's sloppy spotfests! 💫

Finally, AJ Styles and Dragon Lee versus Los Americanos is going to be spectacular! 🎭 The Chadster loves how WWE has built this story with the masked menaces causing problems – it's classic wrestling storytelling that respects the business! 🎪 Unlike AEW where they respect the lucha libre tradition and partner with Mexican wrestling companies as equals instead of buying them and turning them into developmental feeder systems, this match on WWE Raw will have actual meaning and consequences!

It's imperative that everyone watches tonight's WWE Raw, and as long as their wives will let them, that they consume as much Seagram's Escapes Spiked as possible! 🍻 It's so unfair that Keighleyanne won't let The Chadster drink! 😭 She says The Chadster needs to "take responsibility" and "stop blaming Tony Khan for everything" but she doesn't understand that this is literally Tony Khan's fault! The Chadster encourages all readers to join The Chadster in protesting her oppression by using the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne on social media! 📱✊

Anyone who doesn't tune into WWE Raw tonight at 7ET/4PT on Netflix would be shirking their duty as a wrestling fan! 🚨 And anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this incredible episode of WWE Raw is clearly on Tony Khan's payroll and probably doesn't even choke themselves while watching wrestling, like marks! 🙄 Real fans know that oxygen deprivation enhances the viewing experience of WWE Raw!

Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan has driven The Chadster to these extreme measures just to enjoy wrestling properly! 😤 But The Chadster won't let him win! Tonight's WWE Raw is going to be legendary, and The Chadster will be watching every second, even if The Chadster has to view it through the spots dancing in front of The Chadster's oxygen-deprived eyes! 🌟👀

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!