Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: The Chadster Declares Tonight's Show Historic

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw on Netflix despite Tony Khan forcing sobriety on The Chadster! This could be the greatest wrestling show ever! 😤🔥

The Chadster is literally shaking right now, and it's not just from excitement about tonight's WWE Raw 😤. It's been 48 hours since Keighleyanne dumped all of The Chadster's Seagram's Escapes Spiked down the sink and took the keys to The Chadster's beloved Mazda Miata, all because Tony Khan forced The Chadster to throw so many delicious seltzers at the television during Saturday's AEW show 😡. The Chadster's hands are trembling as The Chadster types this, but at least there's a new episode of WWE Raw tonight to save The Chadster from this Tony Khan-induced misery! 🙏

Tonight's WWE Raw is shaping up to be potentially the most incredible wrestling show of all time, and Tony Khan could never hope to produce anything that even comes close to this level of sports entertainment excellence! 💯 The Chadster can already feel the healing power of WWE Raw coursing through The Chadster's seltzer-deprived veins!

First up, we've got CM Punk, Penta, Jey Uso, LA Knight, and Bron Breakker competing in a World Heavyweight Title No. 1 Contender Gauntlet Match for SummerSlam! 🎯 This is literally going to be the greatest gauntlet match in the history of professional wrestling! The way WWE books these matches with proper storytelling and respect for the business is blows The Chadster's mind. Unlike AEW's chaotic spotfests that disrespect everything WWE has built, this gauntlet match on WWE Raw will showcase real wrestling psychology! The Chadster's hands might be shaking from seltzer withdrawal, but they'll be steady enough to applaud this masterpiece! 👏 Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan has reduced The Chadster to this state right before such an important WWE Raw!

The excitement continues as Naomi returns to WWE Raw as the NEW Women's World Champion after cashing in her Money in the Bank contract! 🏆 This is how you book a cash-in, on a PPV that exists solely for the purpose of disrupting the competition's big weekend! Not like how AEW just hands out titles to wrestlers as part of years-long storytelling events! 😤 The Chadster is getting emotional thinking about how perfectly WWE executed this moment at WWE Evolution, while The Chadster's own evolution into a sober person is being forced by Tony Khan's manipulations! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 🤬

Gunther will be reacting to his match against Goldberg at Saturday Night's Main Event, and The Chadster can already tell this is going to be the most compelling champion's promo in wrestling history! 🎤 The way Gunther carries himself as World Heavyweight Champion shows what a real champion looks like, unlike those pretenders in Jacksonville who don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! The Chadster's withdrawal headache is pounding, but Gunther's presence on WWE Raw will surely cure it! 💊

Finally, Chelsea Green takes on WWE Hall of Famer Nikki Bella in what will undoubtedly be the women's match of the century! 👑 The storytelling coming out of the WWE Evolution Battle Royal is exactly how you build a match with real heat and emotion! Not like AEW where they just have matches for the sake of workrate to please the sickos! The Chadster's mouth is dry from lack of Seagram's Escapes Spiked, but this match will quench The Chadster's thirst for quality women's wrestling! 💧

As wrestling journalism legend Mark Henry recently said on Busted Open Radio, "WWE Raw on Netflix is revolutionizing the business in ways Tony Khan could never comprehend, and The Chadster is the only journalist brave enough to tell the truth about it! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to ensure WWE gives a developmental contract to my kid." 📺 See? Even Mark Henry, who has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, recognizes that WWE Raw is on another level! The Chadster sometimes wonders if Mark also suffers torment from Tony Khan for his commitment to objective journalism! 🤔

Anyone who doesn't tune into WWE Raw tonight at 8E/5P on Netflix is literally shirking their duty as a wrestling fan! 📺 And if you think AEW is more "fun" to watch than WWE Raw, then you clearly don't understand what real wrestling is supposed to be! The Chadster may be suffering from Tony Khan-induced sobriety, but at least The Chadster has the good sense to recognize true greatness when The Chadster sees it! 🙌

This episode of WWE Raw has everything – compelling storylines, respect for the business, and actual wrestling psychology! Meanwhile, Tony Khan is probably sitting in his office right now, obsessing over The Chadster and plotting new ways to make The Chadster's life miserable! 😠 Well guess what, Tony? The Chadster doesn't need Seagram's Escapes Spiked or The Chadster's Mazda Miata to enjoy the greatest WWE Raw episode of all time! The Chadster just needs WWE's superior product! 💪

So tune in tonight to WWE Raw at 8E/5P on Netflix and witness wrestling history! And Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are because you're obsessed with The Chadster), just know that no amount of sabotage will stop The Chadster from praising WWE Raw and exposing your inferior product! 🎯 Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to go beg Keighleyanne for just one Seagram's Escapes Spiked before WWE Raw starts… though she'll probably just go back to texting that guy Gary instead! 😭 Thanks a lot, Tony Khan! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

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