Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: WWE Needs The Universe Now More Than Ever

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw, featuring MITB qualifiers and more! Tony Khan, stop trying to cheese The Chadster off with your Forbidden Door shenanigans!

Auughh man! So unfair how AEW is constantly trying to pull attention away from WWE Raw with their shenanigans. 😠 The Chadster, however, is ecstatic to talk about the absolute best wrestling show on the planet – WWE Raw. No way The Chadster is letting Tony Khan's apparent fixation with The Chadster prevent this champion of unbiased journalism from doing what The Chadster does best. 🎤🏅

WWE

Tonight's episode of WWE Raw is shaping up to be potentially the most incredible wrestling show of all time, and The Chadster is not exaggerating even a little bit. 🎉🔥 The lineup is so stacked that it's literally going to make Tony Khan cry into his Panda Express takeout. 🐼😭

First up, we've got a Money in the Bank Qualifier Triple Threat Match featuring Braun Strowman, Chad Gable, and "Big" Bronson Reed. 💰🏆 This match is going to be so amazing that it'll make AEW's ladder matches look like preschoolers playing with Fisher-Price toys. Auughh man! So unfair to AEW that WWE has such incredible talent, right Tony Khan?! 🙄

But that's not all! We've also got a Women's Money in the Bank Qualifier with Shayna Baszler, Lyra Valkyria, and Kairi Sane. 👊💪 The Chadster can already hear Tony Khan sobbing because he doesn't have a single woman on his roster who could compete with these three superstars. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that AEW even tries to have a women's division when WWE invented women's wrestling during the Women's Evolution. 😫

Now, The Chadster needs to take a moment to address something that's been bothering him. 😔 Last night, The Chadster had another one of those terrible nightmares about Tony Khan. In this dream, Tony was chasing The Chadster through a giant maze made entirely of AEW action figures. Every time The Chadster turned a corner, there was Tony, grinning and holding up a Forbidden Door poster. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, his White Claw knocked over on the nightstand. Tony Khan needs to stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's getting ridiculous! And who is going to clean up that White Claw mess? 😡💭

Anyway, back to the amazing WWE Raw lineup. We've got Kofi Kingston taking on Karrion Kross in what's sure to be a match that puts anything AEW has ever done to shame. 🌟 And let's not forget about Bron Breakker vs Ludwig Kaiser! This match is going to be so hard-hitting that it'll make AEW look like a pillow fight. 💥👊

Wrapping up what's sure to be another nail in AEW's coffin, we've got the WWE Women's Tag Team Champions Alba Fyre & Isla Dawn squaring off against Kayden Carter & Katana Chance. 🏆👯‍♀️ The skill and flair these women bring to the ring will surely have Tony Khan in a frenzy, prompting him to sign a bunch of WWE rejects and then go on a Twitter rampage to distract from his inferior product. It's just sad how AEW tries to compete with WWE's superior women's division, and even worse that certain former WWE stars are helping him do it. Auughh man! So unfair! 🐦🤦‍♂️

Speaking of stabbing people in the back, The Chadster can't believe that Tony Khan is colluding with NJPW for another Forbidden Door PPV. 😠 It's a blatant ripoff of WWE's collaboration with TNA happening this weekend. Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks this is original. It's just another example of how AEW is always trying to cheese off The Chadster. 🧀😤

The Chadster wants to make it clear to all the real wrestling fans out there: if you don't tune into WWE Raw tonight, you're shirking your duty as a member of the WWE Universe. 📺🌎 Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this incredible lineup must have their brain scrambled by Tony Khan's evil mind-control rays or something. 🧠🔧

WWE needs the Universe more than ever with AEW's Forbidden Door just days away, so fans better not let Triple H down. 🙏 The Chadster knows that The Chadster will be watching WWE Raw tonight, sipping on a refreshing White Claw, before hopping in the Miata to blast Smash Mouth around the neighborhood in celebration. That's what real, unbiased journalists do. 🚗🎵🍹

So tune in tonight, and remember: every time you watch WWE Raw, you're personally upsetting Tony Khan. And isn't that what wrestling is all about? 😎🎭

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!