Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Supershow Australia

WWE Returns to Melbourne in October for SuperShow Australia

Comrades! WWE returns to Melbourne's Rod Laver Arena on October 15 after six years! El Presidente reports from his bunker on tickets, superstars, and the CIA.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my underground bunker beneath a kangaroo farm in the Australian Outback, where I am currently hiding from both the CIA and a particularly aggressive emu who seems to have confused me for someone who owes him money!

I bring you glorious news from the world of sports entertainment! WWE has announced they are returning to Melbourne, Australia this October for the first time in six years! The capitalist wrestling empire will be bringing their SuperShow to the Rod Laver Arena on Wednesday, October 15, and let me tell you, comrades, this news has caused quite the stir in the international dictator community!

Just yesterday, I was sharing a flat white with my good friend Kim Jong-un via encrypted video call (he refuses to visit Australia ever since that incident with the drop bears), and he was absolutely devastated to learn that WWE hadn't been to Melbourne since 2019. "Six years!" he exclaimed, nearly spilling his coffee on his collection of Dennis Rodman memorabilia. "That's almost as long as my last successful missile test!" We both had a good laugh, and then the CIA tried to trace our call, so I had to switch to my backup kangaroo pouch Wi-Fi.

The SuperShow will feature Australia's own Rhea Ripley, who I must say reminds me of my third wife during that unfortunate coup attempt in 1987 – beautiful, terrifying, and capable of putting anyone through a table. Also appearing will be Jey Uso (whose "Yeet" movement I have officially adopted as the new greeting in my regime), Sami Zayn, AJ Styles, IYO SKY, and the World Tag Team Champions Finn Bálor & JD McDonagh. The New Day will also be there, spreading their power of positivity, which I fully support as it aligns perfectly with my socialist propaganda initiatives!

Comrades, if there is one thing I have learned from my various battles with The American CIA, it's this: timing is everything! And WWE knows this well. Tickets go on sale this Thursday, August 28 at 3pm Australian Eastern Standard Time through Ticketek.com.au. But here's where it gets interesting – there's a general presale beginning Tuesday, August 26 at 2pm AEST! This reminds me of the time Fidel Castro and I tried to get tickets to WrestleMania 3, and he spent six hours on hold only to discover he'd been calling a pizza place in Newark the entire time.

The Rod Laver Arena is the perfect venue for this event. I once attended a tennis match there disguised as a ball boy, part of an elaborate scheme to avoid CIA detection. Unfortunately, my cover was blown when I instinctively began cutting promos on Roger Federer between serves. But that's neither here nor there, comrades!

What's particularly exciting about this announcement is that it represents WWE's commitment to international markets, something I fully support as it spreads the gospel of theatrical violence to the masses – a cornerstone of any successful socialist society! Plus, it gives our Australian comrades a chance to witness live wrestling without having to swim across the Pacific Ocean, which I attempted once in 1993 and do not recommend.

My intelligence sources (three koalas and a very reliable platypus) inform me that Melbourne has been absolutely wrestling-starved since WWE's last visit. The city has been sustaining itself on replays and the occasional appearance by local wrestling promotions, which, while admirable in their revolutionary spirit, simply cannot match the production values that come with WWE's capitalist excess.

I must mention that WWE includes the standard disclaimer that talent is subject to change, which is corporate speak for "if someone gets injured or the CIA kidnaps them, we'll send someone else." This happened to me once when I was scheduled to appear at a wrestling convention in Caracas, but the CIA replaced me with a look-alike who spent the entire time trying to sell timeshares in Florida. Very embarrassing for all involved!

For more information, comrades are directed to visit www.wwe.com/events, though I recommend using a VPN, as you never know who might be monitoring your internet traffic. I learned this the hard way when the NSA discovered my subscription to the WWE Network and started sending me targeted ads for American flag merchandise. The audacity!

As I prepare to emerge from my bunker and face that vengeful emu, I leave you with this thought: WWE's return to Melbourne is more than just a wrestling show – it's a celebration of international unity through choreographed combat! Whether you're a dictator, a revolutionary, or just a regular comrade who enjoys watching people hit each other with steel chairs, this is an event you won't want to miss!

Until next time, this is El Presidente, reminding you to support your local wrestling scene, seize the means of production, and always check under the ring for CIA operatives before any major spot!

¡Viva la lucha libre! ¡Viva Melbourne! ¡Viva la revolución!

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