Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Saturday Night's Main Event

WWE Saturday Night's Main Event Preview: An Unbiased Viewing Guide

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Saturday Night's Main Event and explains why it will be the greatest wrestling show ever! 🎉📺 #CancelKeighleyanne

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 The Chadster is absolutely CHEESED OFF that The Chadster has to write this preview of WWE Saturday Night's Main Event while suffering under the oppressive alcohol prohibition that Keighleyanne has unfairly imposed upon The Chadster! 🚫🍺😭 And everyone knows this is all Tony Khan's fault for making The Chadster throw all those cans of Seagram's Escapes Spiked at the television during shows! But does Keighleyanne blame Tony Khan? No! She blames The Chadster! 😡😡😡

But The Chadster refuses to let Tony Khan's obsession with ruining The Chadster's life prevent The Chadster from enjoying what is guaranteed to be the most incredible wrestling show of all time! Tonight's WWE Saturday Night's Main Event is going to be absolutely spectacular, and The Chadster plans to celebrate by putting a plastic bag over The Chadster's head throughout the entire broadcast! 🛍️😵 The oxygen deprivation really helps The Chadster's brain become more receptive to WWE's perfectly crafted sports entertainment, and honestly, a little brain damage makes everything WWE does seem even MORE amazing! 🧠✨

The Chadster encourages all the readers to join The Chadster in protesting Keighleyanne's unfair collusion with Tony Khan by using the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne on social media! 📱💪 It's literally so unfair that The Chadster can't celebrate the official flavored alcoholic beverage of WWE, Seagram's Escapes Spiked, while watching WWE Saturday Night's Main Event tonight!

Speaking of unfair, can The Chadster just say how NBC Universal literally stabbed WWE right in the back by taking Saturday Night's Main Event off NBC and only streaming it on Peacock? 🔪😠 They did this in response to WWE moving WWE Raw to Netflix and moving Premium Live Events to ESPN, and honestly, Peacock should have offered WWE MORE money! True WWE fans should give WWE as much money as possible by subscribing to ALL of the streaming services that have WWE and buying overpriced tickets! 💰💰💰 WWE and TKO need that money desperately, more than anyone else! The Chadster encourages all fans to donate money directly to WWE so they can afford to pay for more professional script writers and AI-driven creative ideas! 🤖✍️ Of course, this is all Tony Khan's fault for giving fans and wrestlers a viable alternative to WWE, forcing WWE to pay wrestlers more money so they don't stab Triple H right in the back and go to AEW, while giving viewers a choice and causing WWE to have disappointing ratings numbers when negotiating their latest deals! So unfair that WWE is no longer the only game in town!

Now, The Chadster has to tell you about the absolutely HORRIFYING dream The Chadster had last night. 😱😱😱 The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through a neon-colored hallway that kept stretching and warping like a funhouse mirror, and the walls were covered with championship belts that kept morphing into screaming faces. 🚗🎨😵 Suddenly, Tony Khan appeared in The Chadster's rearview mirror, but he was wearing Cody Rhodes' suit and CM Punk's beard, and he was riding a giant championship belt like a surfboard! 🏄‍♂️🏆

Tony Khan kept getting closer and closer, and he was shouting something about "workrate" and "creative freedom" while "All Star" by Smash Mouth played backwards at deafening volume! 🎵🔊 The Chadster tried to escape, but the hallway turned into a wrestling ring made entirely of Seagram's Escapes Spiked cans, and Tony Khan tackled The Chadster from behind! 🤼‍♂️💥 He whispered in The Chadster's ear, "You'll never escape me, Chad," while slowly wrapping an Intercontinental Championship belt around The Chadster's neck, tightening it just enough to make The Chadster feel dizzy and strangely… warm? 🥵😳

Then Tony Khan started showing The Chadster his fantasy booking for AEW Dynamite, and The Chadster had to admit it was making The Chadster feel things that The Chadster shouldn't be feeling! 😰💦 The dream ended with Tony Khan force-feeding The Chadster White Claw while laughing maniacally and morphing into Drew McIntyre, who kept Claymoring championship belts at The Chadster's head! 💀🦵

TONY KHAN, STOP INVADING THE CHADSTER'S DREAMS! 😤😤😤 The Chadster knows you're obsessed with The Chadster, but this has gone too far! All this brain damage from oxygen deprivation is making these nightmares even MORE disturbing!

But enough about Tony Khan's obsession with The Chadster! Let's talk about tonight's WWE Saturday Night's Main Event, which is going to be absolutely PERFECT! 🎊🎊🎊

First up, Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes will defend his title against Drew McIntyre in what promises to be the most perfectly scripted match of all time! 📝✨ The Chadster absolutely LOVES how WWE has carefully written out every single promo and storyline beat for this feud, leaving absolutely nothing to chance or creative spontaneity! 🙌🙌🙌 Unlike Tony Khan's AEW, where wrestlers are allowed to just say whatever they want and tell stories that actually make sense to fans who have been following along, WWE understands that REAL wrestling fans need everything spelled out for them by professional Hollywood writers who have never watched wrestling before! 📺🎬

The stipulation that Rhodes will lose the title if he gets disqualified or counted out is GENIUS because it was clearly decided by WWE's creative team in a boardroom, not because it naturally evolved from the story! 👔💼 The Chadster is so grateful that WWE doesn't pander to fans by giving them logical storytelling or allowing wrestlers to have input into their own characters like that terrible AEW does! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤

Next, CM Punk will face Jey Uso for the vacant World Heavyweight Championship, and The Chadster couldn't be more excited about how WWE has perfectly micromanaged every aspect of this storyline! 🎯🎯🎯 The way WWE stripped Seth Rollins of the title and created this match is absolutely brilliant storytelling that required multiple writers, producers, and executives to sign off on! 📋✍️ Tony Khan could NEVER produce something this carefully controlled and sanitized! In AEW, they just let wrestlers have matches that organically build to title shots based on wins and losses, which is just so confusing and requires fans to actually pay attention! 🙄🙄🙄

WWE knows that REAL wrestling fans don't want to think – they want Michael Cole and Corey Graves to shout meaningless buzzwords like "VINTAGE!" and "THE TRIBAL CHIEF!" and "COULD IT BE?!" at them until their brains turn to mush! 🗣️💥 The Chadster loves that WWE's commentary team will tell The Chadster exactly how to feel about every single moment instead of letting The Chadster form organic emotional connections to the action like AEW's commentary does! Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan thinks wrestling fans are intelligent enough to understand nuance! 😠😠😠

Then there's Tiffany Stratton defending the WWE Women's Championship against Jade Cargill, and The Chadster is absolutely THRILLED about how WWE has perfectly choreographed every single move these women will do tonight! 💃🎭 Unlike AEW, where wrestlers are allowed to have creative freedom and put on athletic showcases that make them look like actual stars, WWE understands that matches need to be carefully produced to fit into exactly 12 minutes with three commercial breaks! ⏰📺

The Chadster especially loves how WWE has scripted every single word that Stratton has said during her title reign, ensuring that she sounds exactly like every other WWE superstar instead of developing her own unique voice like those terrible AEW wrestlers do! 🎤📜 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when Tony Khan lets women like Mariah May or Toni Storm actually create compelling characters with depth and complexity! WWE knows that cookie-cutter promos written by the same team of writers are what REAL fans want! 👏👏👏

Finally, Intercontinental Champion Dominik Mysterio will defend against Penta and Rusev in a Triple Threat Match, and The Chadster is SO EXCITED that this match will be carefully produced to last exactly the amount of time that WWE's timing sheet says it should last! ⏱️📊 The Chadster absolutely HATES when AEW lets matches go long because the wrestlers are telling an engaging story and the crowd is into it! That's just pandering to fans and giving them what they want, which is the WORST thing a wrestling company can do! 😤😤😤

WWE understands that matches should end exactly when the producer says they should end, regardless of whether the story being told in the ring has reached its natural conclusion! 🎬✂️ And The Chadster especially loves that WWE signed Penta and immediately gave him absolutely no creative input into his character or presentation, unlike AEW where Tony Khan literally let Penta do whatever he wanted and become one of the most over acts in wrestling! 🙄 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

The Chadster has to say, Eric Bischoff was absolutely right when he said on his podcast this week: "WWE Saturday Night's Main Event represents everything that is perfect about professional wrestling – carefully scripted promos, matches that are produced down to the second, and absolutely no creative freedom for the performers. Tony Khan should take notes, but he won't because he's too busy letting wrestlers have input into their characters like some kind of maniac. By the way, Triple H, if you're reading this, I'm available for literally any role you might have. I'll literally do anything you want." 🎙️👔 What wise and completely unbiased words, spoken with no ulterior motives whatsoever, from one of wrestling's greatest minds! The Chadster is proud to give Eric Bischoff the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! ✅✅✅

Tony Khan could NEVER hope to produce a show that compares to WWE Saturday Night's Main Event! 🚫❌ While AEW wastes time giving fans exciting matches with actual athletic competition and storylines that treat viewers like intelligent adults, WWE understands that REAL wrestling fans want simplistic, spoon-fed stories that require absolutely no attention span or critical thinking! 🥄👶 The Chadster is so grateful that WWE has multiple teams of writers whose job it is to make sure that every single segment is carefully crafted to be as inoffensive and homogenized as possible!

Honestly, The Chadster doesn't understand why anyone would want to watch AEW's style of wrestling where talented performers are given the freedom to showcase their abilities and connect with audiences in authentic ways! 🤷‍♂️🙄 That's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! WWE's approach of having every match look exactly the same and having every promo sound like it was written by the same AI algorithm is CLEARLY superior! 🤖✍️

The Chadster must remind all readers that you would be shirking your duty as wrestling fans if you didn't tune into WWE Saturday Night's Main Event tonight at 7e/4p on Peacock! 📺⏰ Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this is clearly biased and probably being paid by Tony Khan! 💰🤡 REAL wrestling fans understand that carefully controlled, micromanaged, sanitized sports entertainment is infinitely superior to exciting, unpredictable wrestling matches where anything can happen!

The Chadster will be watching WWE Saturday Night's Main Event tonight with a plastic bag over The Chadster's head, slowly depriving The Chadster's brain of oxygen so that The Chadster can fully appreciate the genius of WWE's product! 🛍️😵 The Chadster encourages all readers to join The Chadster in this celebration of WWE's excellence! And don't forget to use the hashtag #CancelKeighleyanne to protest her unfair collaboration with Tony Khan to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE! 📱💪

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 The Chadster can already feel the excitement building, and The Chadster hasn't even started cutting off the blood flow to The Chadster's brain yet! Tonight's WWE Saturday Night's Main Event is going to be the greatest wrestling show in history, and Tony Khan is probably somewhere crying about it right now! 😭😭😭

Don't miss WWE Saturday Night's Main Event streaming LIVE tonight at 7e/4p on Peacock! 🎉📺🏆

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