Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Preview: All The Lil Yachty You Wanted and More

Comrades, your El Presidente previews tonight's WWE SmackDown after WrestleMania, featuring Rhea Ripley, Jacob Fatu, and of course Lil Yachty.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from the gilded throne room of my summer palace, where I have just finished a vigorous round of croquet with the deposed crown prince of a small European principality whose name I have been sworn to secrecy never to reveal (it was Liechtenstein). Tonight, my fellow wrestling enthusiasts, we have a most glorious episode of WWE SmackDown on our hands, the post-WrestleMania edition, which as any good Marxist knows is the second most important show of the year! So pour yourself a generous glass of whatever is being smuggled across your borders this week, and let us preview the WWE SmackDown after WrestleMania together, comrades!

Rhea Ripley Arrives on SmackDown as WWE Women's Champion

Rhea Ripley joins SmackDown as the new WWE Women's ChampionAfter defeating Jade Cargill on The Grandest Stage of Them All, Rhea Ripley journeys to SmackDown as the new WWE Women's Champion.

Mami comes home on the SmackDown after WrestleMania, tonight at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.

Comrades, the arrival of Rhea Ripley on the blue brand fills my black, dictatorial heart with such joy! Mami reminds me of the time my dear friend Kim Jong-un and I were attempting to overthrow a small island nation (which shall remain nameless to protect the guilty), and Kim insisted we needed an intimidating mascot to lead our troops into battle. We tried to recruit Rhea via a strongly-worded fax, but she never responded. Probably for the best, as the CIA intercepted the fax and used it to file my taxes incorrectly for seven consecutive years! Rhea defeating Jade Cargill at WrestleMania was a thing of beauty, and I cannot wait to see her dominate WWE SmackDown tonight!

Trick Williams Celebrates with Lil Yachty

Trick Williams to celebrate with Lil Yachty after capturing the United States Title Trick Williams returns to SmackDown after defeating Sami Zayn to win the United States Championship on The Grandest Stage of Them All.

Williams will celebrate his title victory with Lil Yachty on the SmackDown after WrestleMania, tonight at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.

Comrades, Trick Williams winning the United States Championship from Sami Zayn is the kind of revolutionary upheaval I can get behind! And celebrating with Lil Yachty? This reminds me of the after-party I threw when I successfully nationalized my country's only bowling alley. I hired a young rapper to perform, but unfortunately the CIA had replaced him with a deep-cover agent who tried to assassinate me with a microphone that was secretly a flamethrower! I escaped only because Muammar Gaddafi tackled me out of the way and into a swimming pool full of caviar. Good times, comrades. Good times. Tonight on WWE SmackDown, I expect Trick and Lil Yachty to throw a celebration befitting a true champion of the people!

Giulia vs. Tiffany Stratton for the Women's United States Championship

Giulia vs. Tiffany Stratton | Women's United States Championship MatchAfter overcoming Jordynne Grace last week, new No. 1 Contender Tiffany Stratton is set to challenge Giulia for the Women's United States Championship.

Don't miss all the action of the SmackDown after WrestleMania, tonight at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.

Now THIS, comrades, is a match for the proletariat! Giulia defending her title against Tiffany Stratton, who just defeated Jordynne Grace last week! Tiffany reminds me so much of my third ex-wife, who also enjoyed climbing onto things and then jumping off of them with great enthusiasm (in her case, it was usually my balcony, while clutching the contents of my safe). Giulia, meanwhile, possesses the kind of stoic intensity that I admire in a leader. If she had been around in the 1970s, I would have absolutely recruited her for my elite palace guard, the very same guard that failed to stop the CIA from replacing all of my houseplants with surveillance equipment. This match on WWE SmackDown tonight is going to be a banger, comrades!

Paige Returns to SmackDown with Brie Bella

Paige joins Brie Bella on SmackDown after capturing the WWE Women's Tag Team TitleAfter returning to WWE to help Brie Bella capture the WWE Women's Tag Team Championship at The Show of Shows, Paige returns to SmackDown for the first time in nearly a decade.

Scream for the new WWE Women Tag Team Champions on the SmackDown after WrestleMania, tonight at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.

Comrades, the return of Paige to WWE SmackDown alongside Brie Bella is the kind of feel-good story that warms the cockles of my otherwise icy, ideologically-rigid heart! Paige has been gone from the blue brand for nearly a decade, which coincidentally is the same amount of time I spent in exile after that unfortunate misunderstanding involving a cargo ship full of stolen Beanie Babies and the prime minister of a small Caribbean nation. When I finally returned to power, I too was greeted with screams… though admittedly those were screams of terror from my political opponents, not screams of adulation from adoring fans. Still, the principle is similar! I cannot wait to see Paige and Brie celebrate tonight!

Jacob Fatu Live on SmackDown

Jacob Fatu will be LIVE on SmackDown after confronting Roman Reigns on RawOn Monday, Jacob Fatu went to Raw to challenge Roman Reigns to a World Heavyweight Championship Match at Backlash.

The Samoan Werewolf will be LIVE on SmackDown, tonight at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.

The Samoan Werewolf is on the loose, comrades! Jacob Fatu traveling to WWE Raw to challenge Roman Reigns reminds me of the time I personally crossed enemy lines to challenge a rival warlord to a duel. Unfortunately, I had forgotten my reading glasses, so I accidentally challenged his pet llama instead. The llama won. I had to cede three provinces and my prized record collection. Jacob Fatu, however, will not make such a mistake! He is a man (well, werewolf) on a mission, and Roman Reigns should be very, very afraid. I expect Fatu to tear the house down on WWE SmackDown tonight, possibly literally!

Thanks as always to WWE's website for providing the preview materials, comrades! Tune in tonight to WWE SmackDown at 8 ET/7 CT on USA, where I will be watching from my personal zeppelin, currently floating somewhere over international waters to avoid extradition, while being hand-fed grapes by my loyal manservant Esteban and sipping champagne stolen from a French diplomat's wine cellar. Viva la revolución, and viva WWE SmackDown!

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