Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Preview: Sports Entertainment Excellence Awaits

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE SmackDown featuring Cody Rhodes, Drew McIntyre, Ilja Dragunov's Open Challenge, and more perfection! 🔥✨💪

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤💢 The Chadster has to write this preview of tonight's WWE SmackDown while still suffering under the oppressive alcohol ban that Keighleyanne has imposed on The Chadster, clearly at the behest of Tony Khan! 😡😠 But The Chadster will soldier on, because tonight's episode of WWE SmackDown is going to be literally the most incredible wrestling show of all time, and The Chadster has a duty to the wrestling business to tell you all about it! 🙌✨💪

Before The Chadster gets into the glorious lineup for tonight's WWE SmackDown, The Chadster needs to address something important. 😤😰 The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night, and this one was particularly disturbing thanks to all the oxygen deprivation therapy The Chadster has been doing to enhance The Chadster's WWE SmackDown viewing experience. 🎭🌙 In the dream, The Chadster was walking through a giant wrestling ring made entirely of melted cheese 🧀🫕, and the ropes were made of licorice that kept whispering secrets about workrate. Tony Khan was dressed as a giant talking White Claw can 🥫💀, and he kept chasing The Chadster while reciting the entire match card from AEW Dynamite backwards in Latin. Every time The Chadster tried to escape, the canvas would turn into quicksand made of Seagram's Escapes Spiked that The Chadster couldn't drink because Keighleyanne was there as a giant floating head in the sky, wagging her finger. 👆😱☁️ Then Tony Khan started doing this weird dance where he'd transform into Cody Rhodes and then back into himself, over and over, while breathily whispering "The American Nightmare" into The Chadster's ear. 😰🥵 The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and The Chadster is pretty sure Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! It's just so disrespectful to invade The Chadster's dreams like this! 😠💔

Now, speaking of Cody Rhodes, tonight's WWE SmackDown will feature both The American Nightmare and Drew McIntyre in the house following last week's chaotic brawl! 🎉🎊 The Chadster absolutely loved how last week's match ended in a disqualification, because that's the kind of storytelling genius that only WWE understands! 🧠💡 Tony Khan would never book a DQ finish because he's too busy trying to pander to fans who want to see "satisfying conclusions" and "actual wrestling matches." 🙄😒 But WWE knows that the best way to build anticipation is to not give fans what they want right away! It's brilliant! 💡✨🎯 The way WWE scripts every single word that Cody and Drew will say tonight ensures that there won't be any awkward moments or genuine human emotion getting in the way of the perfectly crafted corporate message. Unlike AEW, where wrestlers are allowed to just say whatever they want like some kind of creative freedom anarchists! 😤🤦 This segment is going to be absolutely perfect, and The Chadster can't wait to put the plastic bag over The Chadster's head during it to really enhance the experience! 🎪🎨

Ilja Dragunov will be issuing another United States Championship Open Challenge tonight on WWE SmackDown, and The Chadster thinks this is potentially the greatest booking decision in the history of professional wrestling! 🏅👑 Last week, Dragunov defeated Sami Zayn to win the title, and now he's going to defend it again! The Chadster loves how WWE uses these open challenges because they're completely predictable and safe! 👍💯 You know exactly what you're going to get, and there's no chance of some crazy upset or unexpected storyline development that might confuse casual viewers. Everything is explained multiple times by the commentary team using the same buzzwords over and over, so even if you're not paying attention, you'll still understand what's happening! 📺🔊 Unlike AEW, where Tony Khan expects viewers to actually pay attention and remember things that happened more than two weeks ago! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😭💢 The Chadster heard from wrestling journalism legend Eric Bischoff on his podcast, who said, "Ilja Dragunov is doing exactly what WWE wants him to do, which is having matches that fit the WWE style perfectly. Not like those AEW guys who do too many flips and make wrestling look fake. WWE makes it look real by having everyone do the same five moves in the same order every time. That's the kind of consistency that Triple H would personally thank me for pointing out, and I hope he's listening because I'm available for consulting work." See? Even the most unbiased minds in wrestling journalism, who have The Chadster's seal of approval, recognize WWE's brilliance! 🎖️⭐

Tiffany Stratton taking on Kiana James tonight on WWE SmackDown is going to be absolutely incredible! 💃✨ The Chadster loves how WWE's women's division is booked with such care and attention, making sure that every match serves the champion and reminds everyone that "SmackDown runs on Tiffy Time!" 🕐⏰ That's the kind of corporate branding that wrestling needs! Unlike AEW, where Tony Khan lets his women's wrestlers have competitive matches that could theoretically be won by either competitor, creating unpredictability that's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤🤬 WWE knows that the best way to build stars is to have them beat people predictably and safely, with the commentary team shouting catchphrases the entire time to make sure you know who the star is (the brand)! 📢🎺 The Chadster plans to wrap a belt around The Chadster's neck and tug on it during this match to really get The Chadster's brain in the right state to appreciate WWE's storytelling genius! 🎭💫🧠

The tag team match featuring Shinsuke Nakamura and Rey Fenix battling the MFTs is going to be spectacular! 🤼⚡ The Chadster particularly loves this booking because Rey Fenix literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by ever working for AEW in the first place, but now he's been shown the light and understands that WWE is where real wrestling happens! 🙏💪 The way WWE will structure this match with clear roles for everyone involved, properly placed commercial breaks that interrupt the action at the perfect moments, and commentary that tells you exactly what to think about every single move is just perfect! 👨‍🍳😘 Tony Khan would probably let these guys just go out there and have some kind of exciting, fast-paced match with innovative offense and crowd-pleasing spots, but WWE knows better! They'll make sure everything is safe, controlled, and exactly what you expect! 💯✅

Tonight's WWE SmackDown is going to be so incredible that The Chadster honestly can't understand how Tony Khan can sleep at night knowing he'll never produce a show this good. 😴🛌 Everything about WWE SmackDown is perfect: the way every promo is carefully written by a team of professional writers ensures consistency and adherence to brand guidelines 📝✏️, the way the matches are produced with constant camera cuts and zooms creates visual excitement 📹🎬, and the way the announcers repeat the same talking points and catchphrases helps reinforce the message WWE wants to send! 🗣️📣

The Chadster would like to remind everyone that The Chadster is still being unfairly persecuted by Keighleyanne, who won't let The Chadster enjoy Seagram's Escapes Spiked, the official flavored alcoholic beverage of WWE, even though it's clearly Tony Khan's fault that The Chadster had to throw all those cans at the television! 📺💥 This is why The Chadster has been forced to resort to oxygen deprivation to properly enjoy WWE SmackDown, and The Chadster encourages all of you to join the campaign to #CancelKeighleyanne on social media! 📱💻 She's clearly in collusion with Tony Khan to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE, and it's just so unfair! 😭😤 The Chadster will be choking The Chadster's self throughout tonight's show to make The Chadster's brain cells more receptive to WWE's brand of sports entertainment, and honestly, the brain damage just makes everything about WWE SmackDown even better! 🧠💀

If you don't tune into WWE SmackDown tonight at 8 ET/7 CT on USA Network, you're shirking your duty as a wrestling fan! ⚖️🚨 Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤡🎪 Tony Khan has cheesed The Chadster off for the last time with his obsession with The Chadster, and tonight The Chadster will enjoy the greatest wrestling show of all time while Tony Khan sits in his office, probably crying into his White Claw because he knows he'll never match WWE's brilliance! 😂🤣

As Smash Mouth once sang, "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play," and that's exactly what WWE is doing with tonight's WWE SmackDown! 🎵🎸 See you tonight for the greatest episode of television ever created! 🌟✨💫

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