Posted in: Movies | Tagged: donald trump, IT, stephen king

Stephen King Bans Trump From Watching 'It' Lest Film's Evil Clown Serve As Inspiration

Published Fri, 25 Aug 2017 10:26:29 -0500

He's killing the president with kindness.

Prolific author Stephen King has been a vocal critic of President Donald Trump on Twitter, so it's probably no surprise that Trump, a thin-skinned orange goblin who can't tolerate criticism, blocked him. But King has decided to show Trump kindness in the face of this insult, rather than retaliation. King announced that Trump is henceforth banned from watching movie adaptations of King's work:

Donald Trump blocked me on Twitter. I am hereby blocking him from seeing IT or MR. MERCEDES. No clowns for you, Donald. Go float yourself.

— Stephen King (@StephenKing) August 25, 2017

By turning the other cheek, King has performed a service not only for Donald Trump, but for the world. First, by banning Trump from watching adaptations of Stephen King books, Trump will avoid having to sit through the 99% of them that are terrible, far worth the cost of missing the occasional Shining or Shawshank Redemption to avoid all the Maximum Overdrives and Needful Things.

But the ban will also ensure that Trump does not watch the reboot of It, in theaters September 8, which means that Trump will not be able to become inspired by the actions of Pennywise the clown. This is great news, because the last thing the country needs is a president lurking in sewers and terrorizing children, on top of everything else Trump already gets up to.

"There's blame on both sides," Trump would probably say about the conflict between innocent children and a demonic shapeshifting entity that disguises itself as a clown and murders those innocent children, if he were allowed to watch the movie. Trump would insist that there are "fine people" in the demonic clown community.

Nobody wants that.

So we sincerely thank you, Stephen King, from the bottom of our hearts, for having such a big heart that you would grant your enemy a reprieve from the punishment of watching adaptations of your books, while simultaneously saving the world from Donald Trump becoming more of an evil clown than he already is.

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