Disney's Fox Buyout Threatens Fabric of Reality with Potential Johnny Storm/Captain America Crossover

A lot has been said about the damage Disney's buyout of Fox could do, focusing mainly on the negative effects of a single corporation controlling so much intellectual property, general lack of competition, and the furtherance of Disney's agenda to rob from the public domain through endless extension of copyright law. But could the Fox sale threaten the fabric of spacetime itself? Yes, as pointed out by Avengers: Infinity War star Chris Evans.

"Who do I talk to about a Cap/Human Torch buddy comedy spin-off?" Evans jokingly asked on Twitter. "I'm thinking Planes, Trains and Automobiles meets Parent Trap."

But despite his joking tone, there's a lot to be worried about from Evans's tweet, and we're not just talking about his flagrant disrespect of the Oxford comma. Evans, as we know, plays Captain America in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but he also once played Johnny Storm in Fox's Fantastic Four movies. Fox since rebooted the property, but though Michael B. Jordan's performance was largely viewed as the only positive thing about that reboot, the movie itself was a massive bomb — the biggest bomb ever dropped in the month of August — and it or its director Josh Trank will likely never be spoken of by Fox or Marvel again.

Disney's Fox Buyout Threatens Fabric of Reality with Potential Johnny Storm/Captain America Crossover

So if there were to be a crossover, it would be between Chris Evans's Captain America and Chris Evans's Johnny Storm. But could the universe handle two superheroes played by Chris Evans in the same shared cinematic universe? For more on that, we spoke with world-renowned astrophysicist from DeVry University, Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms.

"Two Chris Evans characters in a single superhero movie would be problematic, but the world could probably survive," Professor Puffinbottoms explained. "But that's assuming Evans is clean shaven for both roles. If Evans were to sport a beard in one, or worse, both of the roles, the internet would probably implode, creating a black hole that would suck the rest of the planet into it as well."

Professor Puffinbottoms warned that Disney should abandon its attempts to purchase Fox immediately, and, just to be safe, probably blacklist Evans from Hollywood. Hopefully, Disney takes heed of this warning before it's too late.

About Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!