Should Snyderbronies Be Vaccinated to See Snyder Cut in Theaters?

The Snyder Cut of Justice League will finally be released in March, simultaneously in theaters and on HBO Max. It should be cause for celebrations for legions of Snyderbronies — the colloquial term for the hardcore fans of director Zack Snyder — who fought hard to force Warner Bros to release the film. Instead, however, these loyal Snyderbronies face a difficult choice: risk coronavirus infection by heading to a movie theater to see the film and thus prove that Justice League could have been a financial success if Warner Bros. hadn't ruined Snyder's vision in the first place, or stay save and watch on HBO Max but allow the haters to claim a moral victory. The choice they must make is a personal one, but one that could have long-lasting consequences for the Snyder fandom.

Superman cries in anguish at the thought of a Justice League devoid of Zack Snyder's vision before the release of the Snyder Cut.
Superman cries in anguish at the thought of a Justice League devoid of Zack Snyder's vision before the release of the Snyder Cut.

For more on the implications of what some are calling the most important decision Snyderbronies will face in their lifetime, we spoke with noted Snyderbronologist from the prestigious University of Phoenix, Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms.

"What the Snyderbronies have accomplished so far is an inspiration for the aggrieved hardcore fans of any pop culture property," Puffinbottoms explained. "Did the Starbronies manage to get George Lucas do undo his stupid Special Edition edits? No. Did Firebronies manage to purchase the rights to Firefly and give them to Nathan Fillion so he could reboot the show? Of course not. Were Trumpbronies able to overturn the results of the presidential election? Despite their best efforts, no. But the Snyderbronies successfully campaigned to force Warner Bros to release the Snyder Cut, a feat most people considered impossible. The Snyderbronies did it. They are the greatest fandom ever assembled and a model for all others."

"What the Snyderbronies accomplished is remarkable, and, as a result, the world is watching," the professor continued. "Do Snyderbronies want the world to see the release of the Snyder Cut fail, or succeed?"

Indeed, according to Professor Puffinbottoms, a failure at this point will just show studios that, when a fan-favorite director is forced to leave a project due to personal tragedy, they can easily replace that director with alleged fake feminist Joss Whedon and allow Whedon to replace all of the director's badass superman scenes with scenes where Cyborg says "booyah."

"But if it succeeds," said Puffinbottoms. "If it makes more money at the box office than the original theatrical release, then Synderbronies will have been proven right the whole time."

Puffinbottoms admits that, despite Justice League bombing at the box office in 2017, forcing DC Studios president Jon Berg to pay the ultimate price, improving on even that dismal box office take will be no easy accomplishment in the middle of an ongoing global pandemic. That's why Puffinbottoms advocates that Synderbronies be placed at the top of the list for COVID-19 vaccinations.

"Healthcare workers and the elderly can wait," said Puffinbottoms. "What's important for the future of the DCEU is that we get shots into the arms of Synderbronies and Snyderbronies' asses into the seats of movie theaters."

At press time, the White House coronavirus task force had yet to respond to inquiries about Snyderbrony vaccinations, but Bleeding Cool will continue to monitor the situation and update you if any news becomes available.

 

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A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events.

Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!

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