1,000 COVID-19 Vaccine Doses Stolen From Under Nose of Mayor Kane

The Big Red Machine, Knox County Mayor Kane, downplayed a scandal surrounding 1,000 missing COVID-19 vaccines in his jurisdiction last week, claiming that it's "unrealistic to believe that when you're undertaking an operation of this magnitude mistakes won't be made." Kane also tried to suggest that Pfizer may have never shipped the vaccine, though the pharmaceutical company denies it and insists someone signed for the box upon delivery. The boxes were originally found missing last week, and no one seems to have any answers yet, according to a report from local NBC station WBIR.

Glenn Jacobs, better known as Kane, is the Mayor of Knox County, Tennessee.
Glenn Jacobs, better known as Kane, is the Mayor of Knox County, Tennessee.

On Twitter, the official Knox County Government account released the following statement:

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Knox County Mayor Glenn Jacobs issues the following statement on the vaccine doses.

"I am proud of Doctor Martha Buchanan and I am confident in the good work the Knox County Health Department does every day. I certainly wish this had not happened, but I also think it's unrealistic to believe that when you're undertaking an operation of this magnitude mistakes won't be made. KCHD is taking a close look at their processes and will do everything they can to make sure it doesn't happen again."

But just who is this Doctor Martha Buchanan? And does she have any relation to retired WWE Superstar Bull Buchanan? Why is Jacobs ignoring the questions about that?

In an attempt to sow doubt in the media and to avoid addressing what involvement, if any, Bull Buchanan or any other member of the Right to Censor had in the missing vaccine doses, Jacobs quickly engaged a constituent who claimed too many chair shots to the head of Mayor Kane during his wrestling career are to blame for the missing doses.

"WWE banned chair blows to the head years ago so good job staying on top of your material!" said Mayor Kane. "Nevertheless, I do love a good game of childish insults so please continue with your derisive invective. But nothing too verbose or sesquipedalian. My language skills are obviously shot."

Bleeding Cool is unable to confirm whether Mayor Kane electrocuted the man's testicles for his impudence, as he has been known to do in the past.

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy claims that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Unfortunately, nobody can tell when the comics industry has reached its "darkest days" because it somehow keeps finding new lows to sink to. No matter! Jude Terror stands vigilant, bringing the snarkiest of comic book and pro wrestling clickbait to the undeserving readers of Bleeding Cool.
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