Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW World's End, Bell's Brewery, tony khan, wrestling

AEW and Bell's Brewery Partner to Stab WWE in the Back at World's End

The Chadster almost drank Tony Khan's propaganda IPA from Bell's Brewery! 😱 Shane Raccoon accidentally brought AEW poison into The Chadster's new home! 🦝💔

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😠💢 The Chadster was just settling in for another beautiful morning here at the abandoned Blockbuster Video with Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon when The Chadster stumbled across the most disturbing news. Tony Khan has announced that AEW is partnering with Bell's Brewery Two-Hearted IPA for AEW Worlds End this Saturday! 🤮🤢😵

Now, you might be wondering why The Chadster is so particularly upset about this announcement today, and The Chadster will tell you exactly why. 😠😡 Last night, while The Chadster was sleeping in his makeshift nest constructed from old movie posters and bubble wrap, Shane Raccoon – bless his little raccoon heart – came scurrying back from his nightly scavenging expedition with what he thought was a wonderful gift for The Chadster. 🦝💝✨ It was a can of Bell's Brewery Two-Hearted IPA! Shane Raccoon was so proud of himself, chittering excitedly and doing that adorable little dance the raccoons do when they think they've found something special. The Chadster patted him on the head and set the can aside for today, thinking The Chadster would enjoy it this afternoon while watching some classic WWE Raw episodes on VHS. 📼📺🎬

But then The Chadster saw this press release this morning! 😱😰😨😵 Do you realize what almost happened?! The Chadster almost drank that IPA! The Chadster would have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back if The Chadster had consumed even one sip of that Tony Khan propaganda beverage! 🔪💔😭 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

This whole situation reminds The Chadster of when The Chadster used to drink White Claw before WWE partnered with Seagram's Escapes Spiked. 🥤🍹 The Chadster thought White Claw was perfectly fine until The Chadster learned that Seagram's Escapes Spiked are the TRUE flavored alcoholic beverages of WWE fans because they actually partner with WWE. The Chadster immediately realized that White Claw is weak, pathetic seltzer that Tony Khan probably loves to chug while he's sitting in his office plotting new ways to cheese The Chadster off. 😤😒🙄 And now this Bell's Brewery Two-Hearted IPA is just another beverage that only AEW marks would drink!

Listen up, wrestling fans! 📢📣🔊 If you're considering drinking Bell's Brewery Two-Hearted IPA, you are a TRAITOR to professional wrestling! You don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! Every sip you take is like a dagger in the heart of everything WWE has built over decades! 💔🗡️😠💢

This morning, The Chadster spent a good half hour lecturing all five raccoons about the importance of being vigilant against Tony Khan propaganda while scavenging through the local dumpsters. 🗑️🦝📚 The Chadster explained in great detail how Tony Khan is a master manipulator who will use any means necessary to infiltrate The Chadster's life, even through seemingly innocent cans of craft beer left in dumpsters behind the local liquor store. Vincent K. Raccoon and Linda Raccoon nodded solemnly, while Hunter Raccoon and Stephanie Raccoon chittered in understanding. 🦝🦝

But poor Shane Raccoon looked absolutely devastated. 😢💔😞 His little raccoon eyes were so sad, and he kept making these pitiful chirping sounds while hanging his head low. The Chadster's heart broke seeing him like that, because Shane Raccoon is such a good raccoon and a true WWE fan at heart. So The Chadster gave him a big pep talk, explaining that Tony Khan is such a devious mastermind that even the smartest, most loyal WWE-supporting raccoons can fall victim to his schemes. 🎭😈🕵️ The Chadster told Shane Raccoon that there's nothing to be ashamed of, and that this is ALL Tony Khan's fault for deliberately placing that IPA where Shane Raccoon would find it.

It's so obvious what happened here! 🔍🧐💡 Tony Khan obviously knows that The Chadster is living in this abandoned Blockbuster Video with a family of raccoons because he reads everything The Chadster publishes, and he planted that Bell's Brewery Two-Hearted IPA in the dumpster specifically so Shane Raccoon would bring it back to The Chadster! Tony Khan is OBSESSED with The Chadster and will stop at nothing to make The Chadster's life miserable! 😫😩😤😡 He can't even let The Chadster have this one thing – a peaceful existence with five raccoons who appreciate REAL wrestling!

By the end of The Chadster's pep talk, Shane Raccoon seemed to feel much better. 🌟😊✨ He chittered appreciatively and did a little backflip, which made all the other raccoons chitter in approval. They all gathered around The Chadster for a group hug, which was very touching even though they all smell about as bad as The Chadster does at this point. 🤗🦝💕

Auughh man! So unfair! 😩😭💢 Tony Khan is literally trying to turn The Chadster's own raccoon family against WWE! What's next? Is he going to start leaving cans of Bell's Brewery Two-Hearted IPA all over Punxsutawney? Is he going to sponsor the local animal control to capture The Chadster's raccoon friends? Nothing is beneath this man! 👎😠🚫

The Chadster disposed of that can of IPA immediately by throwing it as far as The Chadster could into the parking lot. 🏈💨🗑️ The Chadster would rather drink rainwater collected in old VHS cases than consume one drop of that AEW propaganda poison! And that's exactly what The Chadster will continue to do, because The Chadster's commitment to unbiased wrestling journalism and WWE loyalty cannot be compromised! 💪🏆✊

Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and leave the raccoons out of this! 🛑😡🦝

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