Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision: Beach Break to Ruin Beaches and Breaks Forever Tonight

The Chadster exposes Tony Khan's latest scheme to cheese off the wrestling world with AEW Collision: Beach Break tonight! Plus, a nightmare that proves Khan's obsession! 😱🏖️🤬

AEW Collision: Beach Break is happening tonight, and The Chadster can barely contain his disgust 🤢 at what Tony Khan has planned for wrestling fans. The Chadster feels it's his journalistic duty 📝 to warn everyone about the absolutely offensive programming that Tony Khan is putting on TNT tonight with AEW Collision: Beach Break.

The Chadster wants to give you an unbiased preview of AEW Collision: Beach Break, even though it literally makes The Chadster's stomach turn 🤮 to think about the blatant disrespect to the wrestling business that will be on display. But The Chadster is a professional, unlike Tony Khan. 💯

First up at AEW Collision: Beach Break, Blake Christian will face Mike Bailey in what will surely be an offensive display of high-flying moves and fast-paced action. 😡 These two think wrestling is all about high-octane, nonstop action and acrobatic maneuvers when everyone knows it's supposed to be about creating dramatic tension through long commercial breaks. 📺 This is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 💔

Next at AEW Collision: Beach Break, Anna Jay battles Megan Bayne as Tony Khan continues to flaunt wrestlers who didn't even pay their dues the right way by getting proper training in the WWE Developmental System. 😤 It's outrageous that Tony Khan believes wrestlers can have a successful career without being trained by Shawn Michaels. Auughh man! So unfair! 😭

Powerhouse Hobbs will face Wheeler Yuta at AEW Collision: Beach Break in what The Chadster can only hope will be a total squash because the WWE way of doing things dictates that a much larger wrestler will always defeat a smaller one. 📏 Tony Khan is also totally messing up the natural order of things by having the bigger wrestler be the babyface and the smaller wrestler the heel, which just shows he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🙄

Then at AEW Collision: Beach Break, Lance Archer, Trent Beretta, and Rocky Romero will take on Brody King, Bandido, and Tomohiro Ishii in a match that is custom-designed to totally cheese The Chadster off. Six people in the ring at one time?! 😱 Tony Khan is trying to stack the deck against WWE, but it isn't going to work. The Chadster needs to chug a White Claw just to deal with this. The Chadster can't even! 🍹

Big Bill and Bryan Keith will face the Gates of Agony in a "Chicago Street Fight" at AEW Collision: Beach Break, which is blatant pandering to the fans. 🙄 The Chadster, like all true wrestling fans, understands that you can't go around pleasing the fans because then they become entitled and cheer or boo the wrong things. Tony Khan will just never get it because he thinks wrestling fans deserve to be treated with respect, not kept in line like in WWE. Maybe if Tony Khan had the good sense to pipe in crowd noise he wouldn't have to go out of his way to make the fans happy. 🎭

Finally at AEW Collision: Beach Break, the Sons of Texas, Dustin Rhodes and Sammy Guevara, will take on CRU in a match to become the number one contenders for the AEW World Tag Team Championship. 🏆 The Chadster can't believe a superstar with the lineage of Dustin Rhodes would compete for a rinky dink championship in AEW when he could be jobbing to NXT call-ups in WWE and paying back WWE for everything they gave him. Dustin has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪 The Chadster is so upset every time he sees Dustin Rhodes wrestle he'll probably end up throwing multiple White Claws at the TV tonight, which just goes to show that Tony Khan owes The Chadster money for wasting his White Claws! 💸

Speaking of which, The Chadster had a HORRIFYING nightmare about Tony Khan last night. 😰 It was clearly inspired by the upcoming AEW Collision: Beach Break because in the dream, The Chadster was trying to enjoy a peaceful day at the beach in his stylish swim trunks, showing off his toned twelve-pack abs. 🏖️ The Chadster was sipping a refreshing White Claw and polishing the hood of The Chadster's Mazda Miata that The Chadster had somehow driven right onto the sand. 🚗

Suddenly, Tony Khan emerged from the ocean wearing a wetsuit, his hair slicked back and dripping with saltwater. 🌊 He was carrying a boogie board with the AEW logo on it, and he started chasing The Chadster all across the beach! The Chadster ran as fast as The Chadster could, but the sand made it so difficult. 😩

Tony Khan kept shouting, "I'm going to make you watch AEW Collision: Beach Break, Chad! You'll love it! You'll see how good wrestling can be!" 📢 The Chadster was terrified, and the worst part was that every lifeguard tower The Chadster passed had Kenny Omega or one of the The Young Bucks sitting atop it, pointing and laughing! 😱

Tony Khan cornered The Chadster against a jagged cliff face, the waves crashing dramatically behind him. He was getting closer, the boogie board raised above his head menacingly, water droplets cascading down his bare chest in slow motion. 💦 The Chadster was both terrified and… well, The Chadster doesn't want to think about that part. 🙈

The Chadster woke up screaming, drenched in sweat, and Keighleyanne just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan, STOP invading The Chadster's dreams! This is beyond unprofessional! 😤

The Chadster BEGS you, please do NOT tune in to AEW Collision: Beach Break tonight at 8/7C on TNT and simulcast on MAX. 📺 Every viewer only emboldens Tony Khan to continue his vendetta against The Chadster and the proper wrestling business as established by WWE. Instead, The Chadster recommends watching literally anything else, maybe even some classic Smash Mouth music videos on YouTube, because "Hey now, you're an all-star" is exactly what The Chadster feels like for standing up to Tony Khan's reign of terror. 🎵

The Chadster has spoken. Objectively. 💯

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