Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, AEW Fairway to Hell, wrestling

AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell Review: Tony Khan Hits A Hole-In-One

El Presidente reviews AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell, where Darby Allin survived sand traps, balconies, and PAC to retain the AEW World Title, comrades!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from the 14th-floor penthouse suite of a recently nationalized luxury resort, where Esteban my faithful capybara is currently floating in the infinity pool atop a tiny inflatable swan, sipping a mojito that costs more than the average peasant's monthly rations. Last night I watched AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell from this very chaise lounge, and comrades, I must report — AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell was the rare themed special that actually committed to its theme! Tony Khan, that lovable capitalist pig, occasionally stumbles into greatness, and last night the SoFi Center in Palm Beach Gardens became one big golf-themed wrestling playground. This reminds me of the time I converted my third-favorite presidential palace into a mini-golf course for a state visit from Kim Jong-il, who shot a 14-under-par because every hole-in-one was "verified" by my secret police. A beautiful weekend!

The whole gimmick of running AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell inside a 1,500-seat indoor golf facility built for Tiger Woods' tech-golf league could have been a disaster of CIA-funded proportions, but AEW used the venue instead of just standing in it. And at one hour, the show did not overstay its welcome. If only my last five-hour victory speech had followed the same principle!

Tony Khan Previews the Special

Before the show, the billionaire son of a billionaire himself, Tony Khan, hyped up the special-event nature of the broadcast. Comrades, it pains me to admit a capitalist occasionally has a good idea, but counter-programming the final hour of WWE Backlash with a one-hour themed novelty special is the sort of asymmetric warfare I have been preaching for decades. Esteban approves as well.

AEW National Championship: "Jungle" Jack Perry vs. Mark Davis

Comrades, we have a NEW AEW National Champion! Mark Davis defeated "Jungle" Jack Perry after Don Callis distracted the referee and Ricochet cracked Perry over the skull with a GOLF CLUB — the most thematically appropriate weapon since I bludgeoned a CIA operative with a ceremonial sugarcane machete in 1989. Davis followed up with Close Your Eyes and Count to Three, and just like that, the National Tour has been derailed. This is exactly why I never let Esteban tour the provinces alone — too many opportunities for a Don Callis Family-style ambush!

Nick Wayne Heading to Best of the Super Juniors

ROH World Television Champion Nick Wayne is heading back to NJPW's Best of the Super Juniors tournament for a second straight year, hoping to become the youngest winner in tournament history. Comrades, I once tried to become the youngest winner of a Latin American presidency, but I was technically too old, so I simply had the constitution rewritten. Different paths, same result!

Will Ospreay Cleared for Action

Renee Paquette announced that Will Ospreay has been cleared for competition and will face Ace Austin on AEW Dynamite this Wednesday. Comrades, after Mark Davis beat Ospreay via doctor's stoppage last month — what I previously called a war crime, and stand by — it is good to see the Aerial Assassin back in the skies. The Hague has not yet returned my calls about the Davis investigation.

Jack Perry Calls The Elite

Backstage, a defeated Perry finished a phone call and announced he is bringing FOUR partners to Stadium Stampede at Double or Nothing instead of two. That's right, comrades — The Elite are reuniting! The Young Bucks, Kenny Omega, and Perry himself, riding into Stadium Stampede like I rode into the capital during my third (and most successful) coup. Beautiful symmetry. Esteban shed a single tear of nostalgia.

Ricochet Recruits the Don Callis Family

Ricochet, fresh off his golf-club assault, asked Callis whether the Don Callis Family would join him for Stadium Stampede. Callis offered up Davis and suggested they continue the conversation over drinks at the "19th hole." Comrades, this is the kind of subtle thematic touch I appreciate — much like when I named my torture chamber "The Spa." Branding matters!

Divine Dominion 5-Minute Challenge

AEW Women's World Tag Team Champions Divine Dominion — "Megasus" Megan Bayne and "Colossal" Lena Kross — squashed Ruthie Slay and Rachel Ley in the latest installment of their five-minute open challenge. Slay and Ley did not survive five minutes, comrades. They lasted approximately as long as my second wife's coup attempt. I keep urging Bayne and Kross to seize the means of production from Tony Khan and Triple H, but for now, they seem content to seize the means of opponents' spinal columns. Baby steps!

Women's World Title Four-Way Announced for Double or Nothing

AEW announced that Women's World Champion Thekla will defend in a four-way at Double or Nothing against Hikaru Shida, Kris Statlander, and Jamie Hayter. Four challengers in one match is the kind of math that confuses the CIA, comrades. They prefer their regime changes one at a time.

Owen Hart Foundation Brackets Coming

The men's and women's Owen Hart Foundation Tournament brackets will be revealed Wednesday on AEW Dynamite. A quick announcement, but a worthy one. The Owen Hart Cup is the kind of meritocratic competition I would never permit in my own country.

Don Callis Drops a Bombshell on the Main Event

Don Callis returned to announce that Kazuchika Okada is away in Japan on family business and will be replaced in Wednesday's Dynamite AEW World Title match by Konosuke Takeshita. Takeshita declared he intends to take BOTH the International Title AND the AEW World Title for the Don Callis Family. Comrades, this is what we call a hostile takeover, and I should know — I have launched seven of them, three successfully, and one accidentally during a particularly aggressive game of Risk with Steven Seagal.

Dynamite Trios Preview

AEW recapped Kyle O'Reilly's return and his Dynasty Trios Title win alongside Roderick Strong and Orange Cassidy. Wednesday's Dynamite will feature Cassidy, The Young Bucks, Adam Copeland, and Christian Cage vs. The Dogs, FTR, and Tommaso Ciampa. That is a lot of bodies in one match, comrades. Reminds me of my last birthday party.

"Speedball" Mike Bailey vs. Kiran Grey

"Speedball" Mike Bailey made quick work of Kiran Grey with the Ultima Weapon. Bailey is so fast, comrades, that I am pretty sure he could outrun the CIA hit squad currently parked outside my compound. Possibly. I will not test the theory personally.

Kevin Knight Pitches JetSpeed's Future

TNT Champion "The Jet" Kevin Knight grabbed the microphone after the match to praise Bailey, acknowledge that he did not become "Jet2Belts" on Dynamite, but reaffirm his status as the face of TNT. Knight pitched JetSpeed rising together, and the two celebrated with the crowd. Comrades, JetSpeed is the sort of populist movement I would crush ruthlessly in my own country, but on AEW television it is delightful. Solidarity, comrades!

AEW World Championship: Darby Allin vs. PAC, No Countouts

And NOW, comrades, the main event that justified this entire experiment! Darby Allin defended the AEW World Championship against PAC in a no-countout match that turned the SoFi Center into Darby's personal jungle gym. Darby immediately dragged PAC out of the ring and onto the green. They brawled near the sand bunkers. Darby hit a Code Red INTO a sand trap. PAC threw sand in Darby's eyes — a classic dictator move, by the way, I have used it on three different ambassadors — suplexed Darby back into the bunker, and even applied the Brutalizer in the sand despite the impossibility of winning a match in a sand trap. Then the Death Riders interfered, and PAC threw Darby off a BALCONY through a stack of four tables.

Comrades, I have not seen a man fall from such a height since I personally introduced my Minister of Finance to the concept of "involuntary skydiving." But Darby survived, kicked out, intercepted a title-belt attack, swung the belt himself, and hit the Coffin Drop to retain. The man defended the title for the FOURTH time in less than a month, and now he has Konosuke Takeshita waiting for him on Wednesday. Darby Allin's pace is more grueling than my 1987 five-year agricultural plan, and infinitely more successful!

Final Verdict

AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell was a successful experiment, comrades. The middle of the show leaned heavily on announcements rather than action, which kept it from being a complete masterpiece, but the venue itself shaped the episode rather than just decorating it. The golf club, the sand traps, the balcony spot, the "19th hole" line — every theme element was used with purpose. AEW should run more themed specials like this: smaller, weirder, and built around a single memorable setting. The capitalist pigs at WWE could never! They are too busy counting Saudi blood money to put on a show inside an indoor golf simulator.

Until next time, comrades, this has been your beloved El Presidente, signing off as Esteban demands I order another round of mojitos and possibly a small armed insurrection. Hasta la victoria, and viva la lucha libre!

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