Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision Review: Unbiased Journalism from the Hospital

The Chadster reviews AEW Collision from his hospital bed after snake venom mishap! Tony Khan's booking caused medication button overuse! So unfair! 🐍💉😤

Auughh man! So unfair! 😩 The Chadster has to write this review of last night's AEW Collision from a hospital bed, and it's all Tony Khan's fault! 🤬 You see, The Chadster was properly celebrating WWE Crown Jewel Perth yesterday – since The Chadster's mean wife Keighleyanne has banned The Chadster from drinking Seagram's Escapes Spiked (WWE's official beverage partner) – The Chadster had to get creative! 🐍 The Chadster purchased an exotic Australian snake and kept it by the couch, rattling its cage after each amazing WWE match and letting it bite The Chadster's arm! The snake venom put The Chadster in the perfect mindset to appreciate WWE's superior sports entertainment! 💉✨

Unfortunately, The Chadster passed out after Crown Jewel, and Keighleyanne called an ambulance instead of letting The Chadster sleep it off like a normal supportive wife would! 🚑 So The Chadster was forced to watch AEW Collision from this hospital bed, though thankfully The Chadster could hit the morphine button whenever Tony Khan really cheesed The Chadster off! 💊

The Chadster Reviews AEW Collision Despite his Medical Condition for the sake of Unbiased Journalism 🏥😤

Josh Alexander Defeats Kota Ibushi 🤕

Right off the bat, AEW Collision showed everything wrong with Tony Khan's booking philosophy! 😡 Josh Alexander had a fast-paced, hard-hitting match with Kota Ibushi that was way too exciting and didn't leave proper time for commercial breaks! The crowd was chanting "I-BU-SHI!" like maniacs instead of respectfully sitting in their seats like WWE fans do! When Ibushi got injured and couldn't continue, giving Alexander a count-out victory, it was totally unpredictable! 🙄

BEEP – The Chadster hit the morphine button when Kenny Omega ran out with a garbage can to save Ibushi! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! WWE would never allow such unscripted emotion and genuine concern between wrestlers! 😤

The Tag Team Division Continues Its Decline 👎

Max Caster and Anthony Bowens defeated Big Bill and Bryan Keith in a match that showcased way too much actual teamwork and character development! 😠 The Chadster was constantly hitting the morphine button as these former WWE stars literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by having an entertaining match with clear storytelling! WWE's tag team division would never allow such obvious chemistry and crowd investment!

TayJay Dominates Local Competition 🙄

Tay Melo and Anna Jay absolutely destroyed their opponents in a showcase that was far too one-sided! 😤 Where was the 50/50 booking that makes WWE so superior? These women looked like stars instead of interchangeable performers, which is totally unfair to WWE's perfectly balanced women's division! BEEP – another morphine hit was necessary! 💉

MxM TV's Casting Call Goes Horribly Wrong 📺

The MxM TV Casting Call Trios Match was another example of Tony Khan not understanding a single thing about the wrestling business! 😡 RUSH, Sammy Guevara, and Dralístico of La Facción Ingobernable absolutely demolished Mason Madden, Mansoor, and Johnny TV in a match that was way too violent and unpredictable! WWE would never allow such dangerous moves like that hurricanrana to the floor! When Eddie Kingston's music hit afterward, The Chadster had to hit the morphine button twice! 💉💉 Auughh man! So unfair!

Triangle of Madness Ruins Everything 🔺

The trios match featuring Thekla, Skye Blue, and Julia Hart defeating Kris Statlander, Toni Storm, and Harley Cameron was completely unwatchable! 😡 The storytelling between Statlander and Storm was way too nuanced, building their upcoming championship match with actual psychology instead of just having them randomly fight like WWE would do! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

Eddie Kingston Continues His Undefeated Streak 👑

Eddie Kingston beat The Beast Mortos in another hard-hitting contest that had the crowd completely invested! 😠 Auughh man! So unfair! Kingston doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business – he's way too authentic and passionate! WWE would never allow a wrestler to connect with the audience on such a genuine level! BEEP – The Chadster needed more morphine after HOOK and Katsuyori Shibata made the save!

Backstage Segments That Made The Chadster's Head Hurt 🤕

The backstage segments on AEW Collision were absolutely terrible because they showed too much genuine emotion and character development! 😤 Jon Moxley and the Death Riders cut a promo on Darby Allin that was way too intense and believable!

Then Kenny Omega had a backstage meeting with Jack Perry that showed actual character growth and complex storytelling – it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😡

And don't get The Chadster started on Harley Cameron confessing to Kris Statlander backstage about asking Mercedes Moné to team with her! 🙄 The Chadster had to hit the morphine button three times during these segments because they felt too real and organic compared to WWE's perfectly scripted backstage content! BEEP BEEP BEEP 💉💉💉

Main Event Madness 🤬

The mixed trios main event saw the Top Gods (Megan Bayne, Dax Harwood, and Cash Wheeler) defeat Willow Nightingale and JetSpeed in a match that was way too fast-paced and exciting! 😤 Where were the rest holds? The crowd was on their feet the entire time instead of respectfully checking their phones like at WWE events! When Harley Cameron made the save with a chain-covered guitar neck, The Chadster had to hit the morphine button three times! 💉💉💉

After AEW Collision: The Chadster's Morphine-Induced Nightmare 😱

Last night, thanks to the combination of snake venom and hospital morphine, The Chadster had the most disturbing dream yet about Tony Khan! 🐍💉 The Chadster was trapped in a giant wrestling ring made entirely of hospital beds, and Tony Khan was dressed as a doctor chasing The Chadster with a giant morphine drip! 😰 Every time The Chadster tried to escape, the ropes turned into IV tubes that wrapped around The Chadster's limbs! Tony Khan kept injecting The Chadster with what he called "pure AEW booking," and The Chadster's body started to glow with an otherworldly light! 🌟

The dream got even weirder when Tony Khan started performing surgery on The Chadster's brain, replacing The Chadster's WWE memories with highlight reels from AEW Collision! 🧠⚡ The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and even the real morphine couldn't erase the memory! Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and get out of The Chadster's dreams! 😤

The Chadster's Unbiased Analysis of AEW Collision 📊

As wrestling podcast legend Bully Ray recently said, "Tony Khan's booking is clearly designed to make WWE look bad by being too entertaining and unpredictable. AEW should really consider following WWE's proven formula of safe, predictable outcomes that don't emotionally invest the audience too heavily." 🎙️ These wise words from someone with the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval prove that The Chadster isn't alone in recognizing AEW's obvious problems! The Chadster wishes Bully Ray success in his match tonight at the Bound for Glory PPV of WWE's junior partner TNA.

This was literally the worst episode of AEW Collision of all time! 😡 The matches were too exciting, the storylines made too much sense, and the crowd was way too invested in the product! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

The Chadster is going to drink a nice glass of water, hit that morphine button like there's no tomorrow, and then watch WWE reruns to cleanse The Chadster's mind! 💧🤐 Remember, wrestling fans – always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should! And please use #CancelKeighleyanne on social media to help The Chadster get back to drinking Seagram's Escapes Spiked before next week's AEW PPV! 🍻

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤🏥

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