Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, wrestling

AEW Collision Tonight Will Literally Ruin Wrestling Forever

The Chadster warns fans that tonight's AEW Collision on TNT is Tony Khan's latest personal attack on unbiased wrestling journalism! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off that AEW Collision is happening tonight, and Tony Khan has once again booked a show specifically designed to torment The Chadster! 😠 Tonight's episode of AEW Collision is yet another example of how Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and The Chadster is here to explain why every single match on AEW Collision tonight is a personal attack on everything WWE has ever done for this industry!

The Chadster Warns You: Don't Watch AEW Collision Tonight Unless You Want Wrestling Ruined Forever! 😤

Ricochet vs. Ace Austin: A Spotfest Nightmare! 🤸‍♂️

Auughh man! So unfair! Ace Austin has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back and is making his AEW debut against Ricochet on AEW Collision, and The Chadster already knows this match is going to be nothing but flips and dives and high workrate! 😤 These two are going to move so fast that the announcers won't even have time to properly repeat their catchphrases or remind viewers about the sponsors! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! WWE knows that matches need proper rest holds and commercial breaks so fans can catch their breath and check their phones! But no, Tony Khan wants to exhaust viewers with non-stop action on AEW Collision!

JetSpeed vs. Death Riders: Too Much Unpredictability! 😰

Kevin Knight and Mike Bailey teaming up as JetSpeed against Jon Moxley and Wheeler Yuta is exactly the kind of match that makes The Chadster want to remove his Seagram's Escapes Spiked popsicles from you-know-where and throw them at the TV! 📺 The Chadster can already tell this AEW Collision match won't follow the proper WWE tag team formula of one babyface getting isolated for 10 minutes before a hot tag! Instead, they'll probably have all four guys doing whatever they want, making it impossible to predict the outcome! How are viewers supposed to feel safe when they don't know exactly what's going to happen?

Technical Spectacle: Wrestling Without Proper Management! 🤼

This four-way between Hechicero, Nigel McGuinness, Lee Moriarty, and Daniel Garcia on AEW Collision is going to be a disaster of actual wrestling moves! 😫 These guys are going to chain wrestle and do submission holds that actually look like they might hurt, instead of the safe, predictable moves that WWE perfected! And the winner gets a shot at Zack Sabre Jr.? That's just Tony Khan showing off his forbidden door nonsense again, rather than acting like WWE is the only promotion that exists (except for TNA because they've bent the knee)! As wrestling journalist Bully Ray recently said on his podcast, "AEW needs to stop confusing fans with all these different wrestling styles and partnerships. WWE keeps it simple – that's why they're the leader!" The Chadster couldn't agree more with this completely unbiased take! 🎯

$100K Women's 4-Way: Money Can't Buy Respect! 💰

Julia Hart vs. Kris Statlander vs. Penelope Ford vs. Anna Jay for $100,000 on AEW Collision? This is exactly what's wrong with AEW! 😤 They're letting these wrestlers have a competitive match with actual stakes and storytelling instead of a proper 3-minute match that ends in a rollup like WWE would do! The Chadster bets they'll even get time to showcase their personalities and wrestling abilities! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! WWE knows that wrestling should be carefully controlled and limited – that's real respect!

Toni Storm's Promo: Unscripted Insanity! 🎤

Toni Storm is going to speak on AEW Collision tonight, and The Chadster already knows she's going to say whatever she wants instead of reading from a properly written script! 😖 She'll probably reference her history with Athena and actually sound like a real person with emotions and motivations! Where are the buzzwords? Where are the corporate-approved catchphrases? This creative freedom is literally stabbing Triple H right in the back!

More Matches That Will Ruin Wrestling! 😭

Bryan Keith vs. Juice Robinson on AEW Collision will probably have a clean finish that actually advances their storyline, instead of ending in a DQ or countout to protect both guys like WWE would wisely do! And Kyle O'Reilly and Roderick Strong vs. Blake Christian and Lee Johnson? The Chadster can't believe O'Reilly and Strong literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving NXT! They'll probably have a match with actual tag team psychology and storytelling on AEW Collision instead of just trading moves for 8 minutes while the announcers talk about a promo that happened earlier in the night or put over the government of Saudi Arabia!

A Warning to All Wrestling Fans! ⚠️

The Chadster strongly urges everyone NOT to watch AEW Collision tonight at 8/7C on TNT and simulcast on MAX! 📺 Every viewer that tunes into AEW Collision only emboldens Tony Khan in his personal vendetta against The Chadster! Speaking of which, The Chadster had another one of those nightmares about Tony Khan last night! 😱

In the dream, The Chadster was at a Smash Mouth reunion concert (they were playing "All Star" just for The Chadster! 🎵), when suddenly the stage transformed into a wrestling ring! Tony Khan emerged from under the ring like some kind of wrestling boogeyman, his eyes glowing with the TNT logo! 👻 He started chasing The Chadster through the venue, which somehow became an endless maze of AEW merchandise stands! Every turn The Chadster made, there was Tony Khan, holding a White Claw (that inferior seltzer!) and laughing maniacally!

The Chadster tried to escape to the parking lot to get to The Chadster's Mazda Miata, but the car had been replaced with an AEW production truck! 🚗 Tony Khan cornered The Chadster against the truck, getting closer and closer, his breath smelling like creative freedom and workrate! Just as he was about to whisper something about "long-term storytelling," The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat!

Tony Khan needs to STOP using subliminal messages in AEW programming to influence The Chadster's dreams! 😤 It's bad enough that The Chadster has to watch AEW Collision for journalistic purposes, but invading The Chadster's peaceful slumber? That's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

The Chadster will be freezing some Seagram's Escapes Spiked to prepare for tonight's AEW Collision, since Keighleyanne still won't let The Chadster drink after the last incident! 🍹 The Chadster has to sneak around and put the popsicles you-know-where just to enjoy a proper adult beverage while watching AEW Collision! Thanks a lot, Tony Khan, for literally ruining The Chadster's marriage! Auughh man! So unfair!

Don't watch AEW Collision tonight! Save yourselves from Tony Khan's obsession with tormenting unbiased journalists like The Chadster! 😭

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