Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew, double or nothing, recaps, wrestling

AEW Double or Nothing: Too Much of a Good Thing?

AEW Double or Nothing was a great PPV for people who like to sleep through the last two matches of a PPV. For people who prefer to stay awake throughout an entire PPV, it was probably a little too long. Yes, it's hard to complain about getting more for your money, but on the other hand, it's like when you go to a nice restaurant and fill up on the bread and appetizers before your steak arrives. That metaphor is particularly appropriate for Memorial Day Weekend, when Americans' drive to consume large quantities of beer and grilled meat products only makes it even harder to stay up until 1AM to watch a CM Punk match.

So here's the deal. I'm going to tell you the results of each match and what I thought of them. I'm going to get the SEO out of the way and just put the words "Double or Nothing" into the captions for each of the photos so that I don't have to try to shoehorn it into the text for this article to get the "green SEO score" required for me to post it (Green SEO scores are what Bleeding Cool uses in lieu of hiring copy editors to proofread these). Here we go…

Match #1: Hook and Danhausen vs. Tony Nese and Smart Mark Sterling (Pre-Show)

This match did what it was supposed to do, making the crowd happy with a dominant performance by Hook and Danhausen and letting Danhausen get the pin on Sterling. However, I was not a fan of the part where Danhausen cursed the Bleacher Report app and I wasn't able to log in to view the PPV I paid for until the match was already starting. It seems like Bleacher Report has issues every single PPV; maybe next time, we should all use a VPN and buy the PPV for cheaper on the Fite app, which actually works?

Match #2: MJF vs. Wardlow

It was a smart move to open the show with this because otherwise, people would have been obsessed with whether or not MJF was going to show up all night. MJF got squashed, which I believe was always going to be the ending of this feud. You can't build Wardlow up the way he did and then have MJF be competitive against him. Wardlow dominating was the whole point. And MJF had nuclear heat with the crowd, though it seems like there are still issues between him and Tony Khan backstage. Another two years of that won't get old at all. Nope.

Match #3: Hardys vs. Young Bucks

The Hardys won here. I saw a lot of people online complaining that the Hardys are old (which is true), but I thought it was fine. That said, I did watch the match with my phone propped up on the kitchen counter while I sliced steak that had recently come off the grill. This would come back to haunt me later when it was time for the meat coma.

Match #4: Jade Cargill vs. Anna Jay – TBS Championship

Cargill retained here, which was never in doubt. Anna Jay put up a strong fight until Malcolm Bivens showed up to join Jade's ever-growing entourage. Bivens is now going by the name Stokely Hathaway, presumably to help impress the Discovery/Warner Bros executives with AEW's ability to do synergy by naming their performers like Hanna Barbara villains. (Note: I looked it up and Stokely is actually his birth name, so I gotta give it to Mama Hathaway for her incredible foresight. Well done.)

After the match, The Baddies lined up to bully Anna Jay, but Kris Statlander came out to have her back, followed by Athena (formerly Ember Moon) to cause The Baddies to retreat.

Match #5: Death Triangle vs. House of Black

This was a match that was incredibly fast-paced and filled with crowd-pleasing stunts and acrobatics. It all led to Death Triangle finally getting Malakai Black alone in the ring and ready for his comeuppance. But just before Pac could hit the Red Arrow, the lights went out, and when they came back on, there was Julia Hart, corruption staining her eye, to spit black mist in his face and cost Death Triangle the victory. It went perfectly too, as Hart's appearance got that high-pitched gasp from the crowd that really added to the effect. It was a satisfying match with a satisfying ending.

Match #6: Adam Cole vs. Samoa Joe: Owen Hart Tournament Final

Cole won this match, which I admittedly dozed off through thanks to all the meat I ate earlier. This wouldn't be the last time I fell asleep during this PPV. The match seemed fine through the parts I opened my eyes for.

Match #7: Britt Baker vs. Ruby Soho: Owen Hart Tournament Final

F*cking Rancid was there to play Ruby Soho to the ring. That woke me up. I've seen Rancid a few times over the years, and I have to say, it looks like they aged a good ten years since I last saw them play with Cock Sparrer in… oh shit, that was ten years ago, wasn't it? Damn, it sucks getting old. They sounded good too, for a wrestling entrance, which isn't always a given. Unfortunately, Ruby proceeded to lose the match, which was a bummer. Why take the belt off Baker in the first place if you really wish she was still champ, Tony? Just give her the Bruno Sammartino length run we all know you want to.

Interlude: Owen Hart Tournament Belt and Cup Presentation

Dr. Martha Hart came out to unveil the trophy that would have the winners' names engraved, as well as two very nice looking belts. To accomplish this, she read a speech that went on and on forever. I'm thinking that this must have been part of the deal. "Yes, you can use my husband's name and likeness to promote your wrestling show, but I get an unlimited amount of time to deliver a speech in the middle of Double or Nothing. The crowd was polite enough to go with it

That, believe it or not, was only a little past the halfway point in what would turn out to be a more-than-five-hour PPV. Even reading this brief recap must seem like a chore. Go ahead. Take a break. I'll wait.

Just kidding. I'm moving on without you.

Match #8: Sammy Guevara, Tay Conti, and Frankie Kazarian vs. Men of the Year and Paige VanZant

This match consisted mainly of Sammy and Tay heeling it up. Sammy's need to put on PDA with Tay resulted in them interrupting the action to make out multiple times. VanZant is super green and a few times I thought she was lucky not to injure herself or Conti, but they both seemed fine in the end. Men of the Year and VanZant won. This match could have happened on Dynamite or Rampage… is the sort of thing you start saying about matches that were actually perfectly suited to PPV once you start to think about how ungodly long a 5+ hour PPV feels. That's not a good thing.

Match #9: Darby Allin vs. Kyle O'Reilly

Now this, on the other hand, is a match that could have happened on Dynamite or Rampage. It had little build, with Allin literally challenging O'Reilly on Rampage two nights before the PPV. Highlight of the match was Darby not killing himself on a badly botched suicide dive. O'Reilly won. At this point in the show, I was starting to count down the number of matches left, which was not a good sign for…

Match #10: Thunder Rosa vs. Serena Deeb

This match was actually really good, but the length of the PPV weighed heavily on it. By this point, the crowd was done and I think many of the viewers at home were done too. I started dozing off during this match. Rosa won, I hear.

Match #11: Anarchy in the Arena

The sheet chaos of this match managed to keep me awake through most of it. The match started with the Jericho Appreciation Society coming to the ring dressed like a boy band. Blackpool Combat Club, Eddie Kingston, and Santana and Ortiz came through the crowd. The JAS met them there and the brawl started. Moxley's theme music played twice in the beginning of the match before Jericho broke the soundboard. There were constant camera cuts to the violence being inflicted all over the arena by the match's ten participants. There was a lot of blood. Moxley unhooked the top rope from the ring. Things turned for the good guys when Eddie tried to pour gasoline all over Jericho and light him on fire. He got the gasoline on Bryan Danielson too, and they ended up fighting. That led the JAS ultimately pick up the victory by putting Danielson in a double submission, Walls of Jericho with a choke using a disconnected turnbuckle, and Danielson passed out. As did I.

Match #12: Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus vs. Ricky Starks and Powerhouse Hobbs vs. Keith Lee and Swerve Strickland

I slept through 100% of this match. Jurassic Express won, I hear.

Match #13: Hangman Page vs. CM Punk

I woke up just as Punk won this match. The crowd seemed happy about that. A lot of people on the internet are complaining that Page's world title run kinda sucked, which it kinda did. Part of that was the booking of his run. Part of it was also that people liked the idea of Page as top star more than they liked the reality of Page as top star. Don't hate — it's true. I was particularly pleased with the outcome of this match because it meant I could finally go to bed.

I get that Tony Khan feels strongly about these long PPVs, but this is probably the most negative thing I've ever written about AEW. The length hurts. It is painful for the viewers. Here's a show I looked forward to for weeks, was excited about watching all day, and then couldn't stay awake through. It's a frustrating experience. Like it was too hard. That's not what you want people to feel after watching your show. A PPV ending at 11:40 Eastern is stretching it. Ending at 12:40 is way, way too long. That the length of the PPV is the main takeaway from the show for many people is a failure of planning and execution. And I say that as someone who loves AEW. They saved wrestling from WWE's twenty-year shitshow. I hope AEW learns something from this.

As a reward for reading all that, here — enjoy the best part of the show:

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