Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite CHEESES OFF The Chadster During WrestleMania Week

Tony Khan LITERALLY stabbed Triple H in the back with last night's AEW Dynamite! 😡 The Chadster explains why AEW's stacked card during WrestleMania week is SO UNFAIR! 🤬

Auughh man! So unfair! 😡 The Chadster cannot believe what Tony Khan has done this time. Last night's AEW Dynamite was literally the most disrespectful thing The Chadster has ever seen in the wrestling business, and The Chadster has seen a lot. 🤬 Tony Khan purposely scheduled a stacked card during WrestleMania week, which just shows how obsessed he is with trying to hurt WWE and, by extension, The Chadster personally.

AEW Dynamite started with Mercedes Mone facing Athena in an Owen Hart tournament match. 🙄 The match was way too long and had too many near falls, which is exactly what Tony Khan thinks wrestling fans want. 😒 The fans were chanting "This is awesome," but what's so awesome about two women working stiff and having an athletic match without proper WWE-style rest holds? Nothing!

Mercedes won with a jackknife pin after what The Chadster has to admit was technically proficient wrestling, but The Chadster doesn't appreciate it. 💔 WWE has WrestleMania this weekend, and Tony Khan scheduling Mercedes Mone, who everyone knows used to be Sasha Banks, on AEW Dynamite is just an attempt to steal WWE's thunder. Mercedes has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by performing so well on an AEW show during WrestleMania week.

Next, Josh Alexander debuted as the wild card in the men's tournament against Adam Page. 😠 Using a surprise debut during WrestleMania week? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 👎 Josh Alexander doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks debuting on AEW Dynamite during WWE's biggest week is appropriate.

The match ended with Hangman getting the win, but then getting attacked by Kyle Fletcher and Josh Alexander after Don Callis whispered something in Josh's ear. 🙄 Oh wow, another faction forming? How original, Tony! WWE invented factions, you know!

Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin defeated the Gates of Agony to retain their tag titles, and The Chadster couldn't help but notice how Tony Khan is just copying WWE by using former WWE talent. 😤 Then MJF came out to try to woo them with women and watches? This is not PG entertainment like WWE does so well! 😱

The Chadster had to take a sip of White Claw seltzer just to calm down, but when MJF was talking about "joining" the Hurt Syndicate, The Chadster got so cheesed off that he threw his White Claw right at the TV! 💦 The seltzer splashed all over the floor, and Keighleyanne came in sighing loudly.

"Chad, you need to stop throwing drinks at the TV. It's childish," she said, not even looking up from her phone.

"The Chadster isn't being childish! Tony Khan is using former WWE stars to try to upstage WrestleMania!" The Chadster explained logically.

"Whatever. I'm not cleaning that up," she said, going back to texting that guy Gary. 😠

The Chadster knows that Tony Khan is responsible for The Chadster's marital problems. If Tony Khan would just stop booking such offensive shows during WrestleMania week, maybe Keighleyanne would stop texting that guy Gary so much.

The match between Will Ospreay and Konosuke Takeshita was exactly what's wrong with AEW. 🤦‍♂️ Too many flips, too many strong style strikes, and not enough chinlocks and rest holds like a proper WWE match. The fans chanted "Fight Forever," but they don't understand that wrestling matches should follow WWE's scientifically perfected formula and end at runtimes perfectly coordinated to fit within a structure of commercial breaks, video replays, and product placement. 📏

Ospreay ultimately won with his Storm Breaker finisher, but the whole match literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by being so spectacular during WrestleMania week. 🗡️ It's like Tony Khan is purposely trying to make WWE's matches look bad by comparison, which is just so unfair!

The main event saw Samoa Joe, Katsuyori Shibata, and Powerhouse Hobbs defeat the Death Riders to win the Trios Championships. 😠 A title change during WrestleMania week? Tony Khan definitely doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. Title changes should only happen at WWE premium live events, not on regular TV during your competitor's biggest week!

The match had interference, chair shots, and even Swerve Strickland attacking the Young Bucks. 🙄 It was chaotic and unpredictable, which is exactly what AEW fans like for some reason, but it's not what wrestling is supposed to be! Wrestling is supposed to be predictable and safe, like WWE produces so well.

Last night, The Chadster had a terrible nightmare about Tony Khan that The Chadster just has to share. 😰 The Chadster was in Florida for Spring Break, showing off The Chadster's twelve-pack abs on the beach (yes, The Chadster has twelve abs, not just six). The Chadster was drinking White Claw and listening to Smash Mouth's "All Star" on The Chadster's portable bluetooth speaker when suddenly, Tony Khan appeared wearing nothing but a tiny speedo with "AEW" written across it! 🏖️

"Hey Chad," Tony Khan said, smirking. "Enjoying WrestleMania week? I've got something that will make it better!"

Then Tony Khan pulled out a portable TV showing highlights from AEW Dynamite and started following The Chadster around the beach! Every time The Chadster tried to run away, Tony Khan would pop up from behind a beach umbrella or emerge from the ocean like some kind of wrestling business-destroying sea monster! 🌊 Eventually, The Chadster jumped into The Chadster's Mazda Miata to escape, but when The Chadster looked in the rearview mirror, Tony Khan was somehow in the backseat, still wearing that speedo and holding tickets to AEW Collision! 😱

The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat. Tony Khan needs to STOP invading The Chadster's dreams! It's getting really creepy how obsessed Tony Khan is with The Chadster!

In conclusion, AEW Dynamite was a complete disaster of a show because it was actually good when it should have been terrible out of respect for WWE during WrestleMania week. 😤 As wrestling journalist Eric Bischoff said on his podcast earlier this week, "AEW should have canceled their shows this week and encouraged their fans to watch WrestleMania instead. That's how you earn respect in this business. Tony Khan's ego is bigger than his father's wallet, and that's saying something!"

It's so heartbreaking to see how Eric Bischoff must feel after last night's AEW Dynamite when Tony Khan made such a big deal about how Dynamite has officially surpassed all WCW shows as the longest-running wrestling show on Turner networks. 😞 Tony Khan didn't need to highlight that milestone, but he just couldn't miss the chance to spite Bischoff, who has been offering such nice and free advice on his podcasts. Bischoff, being the great wrestling mind he is, just wants to help Tony Khan succeed, and what does Khan do in return? He disrespects the legacy of WCW and gives Eric Bischoff a proverbial slap in the face, instead of the gratitude he truly deserves! Auughh man! So unfair for Bischoff! 🙁

Tony Khan just doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and The Chadster is the only unbiased journalist brave enough to say it. Auughh man! Whatever you do, don't watch AEW Collision tonight. 😡

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