Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Mocks Smash Mouth with All Star Trios Match

The Chadster warns about tonight's AEW Dynamite featuring an All-Star Trios abomination! Tony Khan is literally stabbing Triple H in the back with six stars in one match! Auughh man! So unfair! 😭

The Chadster is absolutely devastated 😭 to report that AEW Dynamite will once again be airing tonight at 8 PM ET on TBS, and The Chadster feels it's his journalistic duty ✍️ to warn everyone about the atrocity that Tony Khan is planning to inflict upon the wrestling world. This is just another example of how AEW Dynamite continues to literally stab Triple H right in the back!

Tonight's AEW Dynamite is coming from the Rio Rancho Events Center in Albuquerque, New Mexico 🌵, and The Chadster can already tell it's going to be one of the most disrespectful episodes yet. Just looking at the card makes The Chadster want to throw up all over his Mazda Miata's leather seats. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

First of all, AEW Dynamite is featuring an All-Star Trios match with Jon Moxley and The Young Bucks facing Swerve Strickland, Samoa Joe, and Powerhouse Hobbs. This is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤 Putting six stars in one match? That's just Tony Khan trying to hotshot ratings instead of doing proper one-on-one feuds with 25-minute promos and distraction roll-ups like WWE expertly does. As Eric Bischoff said on his podcast last week, "AEW is foolishly giving away pay-per-view quality matches on free TV, while WWE brilliantly saves their good stuff for premium live events that fans have to pay extra for." See, even Eric Bischoff knows Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄

The Chadster can see right through the real message behind this "All Star Trios Match" moniker. 🌟 It's a secret dig at The Chadster, who's clearly the only true All Star here! Everyone knows that Smash Mouth is The Chadster's favorite band, and hearing Tony Khan throw around the term "All Star" is like a big, personal attack. 😡 Tony Khan isn't an All Star; he's more like a one-hit wonder compared to Smash Mouth's legendary status! The Chadster can't help feeling offended that Tony Khan is trying to tarnish the legacy of such an iconic anthem by misusing the term, just to cheese off The Chadster. 🌪️ It's just so disrespectful to both the wrestling business and The Chadster's precious Smash Mouth memories! Tony Khan might as well have shouted "I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed" at the beginning of the show! 🛠️

Next, AEW Dynamite will feature Mina Shirakawa facing Julia Hart with Toni Storm on commentary. The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is trying to build multiple women's feuds at once! 😱 In WWE, they know how to do wrestling right – one storyline at a time, ideally lasting all year or even for multiple years. The Chadster tried to explain this philosophy to Keighleyanne but she ignored The Chadster and went right back to texting that guy Gary, proving Tony Khan is even ruining The Chadster's marriage! 💔

Then AEW Dynamite will have MJF officially signing with The Hurt Syndicate. 🖊️ This is such blatant character development! Doesn't Tony Khan know that wrestling characters should remain exactly the same for years with no growth or evolution? That's how WWE does it, and they're the pinnacle of wrestling storytelling! Plus, having MVP, Bobby Lashley, and Shelton Benjamin in AEW is literally stabbing Triple H right in the back! They used to be in WWE, and now they're helping Tony Khan cheese off The Chadster! 😠

The AEW Dynamite preview also mentions that the Owen Hart Cup Tournament finalists will come face-to-face. So Will Ospreay vs. Hangman Adam Page and Mercedes Moné vs. Jamie Hayter will be in the finals. 🏆 The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is using a tournament format to build anticipation for matches with actual stakes! In WWE, they know the right way to determine contenders is through multiple rematches or having wrestlers point at the WrestleMania sign! Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️

Last night, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan, and it was definitely inspired by this AEW Dynamite preview. 😰 In the dream, The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through the New Mexico desert, with Smash Mouth's "All Star" playing on the radio. Suddenly, the radio changed to AEW Dynamite's theme music! The Chadster looked in his rearview mirror and saw Tony Khan driving a monster truck with the AEW logo on it, chasing The Chadster and gaining speed!

Tony Khan was wearing a cowboy hat and yelling through a megaphone, "I'm going to make you watch good wrestling whether you like it or not, Chad!" 🤠 The Chadster tried to escape, but the Miata got stuck in sand, and Tony Khan's monster truck pulled up beside him. Khan jumped out with a case of White Claw that he'd clearly stolen from The Chadster's refrigerator and started pouring them all over The Chadster's car! 💦

"This is what happens when you don't appreciate workrate!" Tony Khan screamed as he forced The Chadster to watch a highlight reel of five-star AEW Dynamite matches on a giant screen in the desert. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, with Keighleyanne asking why The Chadster was shouting "No more tope suicidas!" in his sleep. 😳

The Chadster begs all true wrestling fans to NOT tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS or MAX. Every viewer just encourages Tony Khan to continue ruining the wrestling business with his entertaining matches, logical storylines, and fan-pleasing booking! 📺 If you really care about wrestling, you'll watch old episodes of RAW from 2009 instead, when wrestling was at its creative peak!

Tony Khan, please stop invading The Chadster's dreams! The Chadster knows you're obsessed with him, but this has gone too far! The Chadster's marriage is in shambles, The Chadster can't drink White Claw without having flashbacks, and The Chadster's Mazda Miata smells like fear! 😭 Auughh man! So unfair!

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