Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Mixed Tags But No Mixed Feelings

The Chadster is CHEESED OFF about tonight's AEW Dynamite! Tony Khan's latest assault on proper wrestling features mixed tornado tags and tournaments that will literally make you sick! 😤 🤮 💔

The Chadster can't believe it's already time for another episode of AEW Dynamite, which means it's time for another night of The Chadster's suffering! 😭 😢 💔 Tony Khan just won't stop booking shows that are specifically designed to cheese The Chadster off, and tonight's AEW Dynamite from Peoria is no exception!

Tonight on AEW Dynamite, Jon Moxley and Marina Shafir will face Swerve Strickland and Willow Nightingale in a mixed tornado tag match. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 😠 💢 WWE invented mixed tag team matches and perfected them with their rule that men can only fight men and women can only fight women. But what does Tony Khan do? He makes it a tornado match where anyone can fight anyone! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

The way Willow Nightingale is probably going to hit Jon Moxley with moves is exactly the kind of garbage that Tony Khan thinks wrestling fans want to see. 🙄 😒 👎 But as Eric Bischoff said about this subject recently on his podcast, "AEW's mixed tag matches are like watching someone try to microwave ice cream – it's a chaotic mess that just makes everyone uncomfortable and ruins perfectly good ingredients." The Chadster couldn't agree more with this objective analysis!

The Chadster is absolutely disgusted that Adam Copeland (who Tony Khan disrespectfully calls "Cope" because he has no original ideas) will be facing Claudio Castagnoli tonight on AEW Dynamite. 😡 😤 🤬 When both of these men left WWE, they literally stabbed Triple H right in the back. The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata to the White Claw store yesterday thinking about this match, and The Chadster got so upset that he almost crashed into a guardrail!

This match will never live up to the professionally produced, properly paced matches that WWE perfects every week on Raw and SmackDown. 📺 💯 👍 The way these two will probably do technical wrestling and hard-hitting moves instead of properly resting between formulaic sequences just shows they don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business.

Toni Storm facing Penelope Ford on AEW Dynamite tonight is another example of Tony Khan trying to cheese The Chadster off. 😠 😤 💔 Toni Storm is facing Ford's ally Megan Bayne at the PPV this weekend, and Tony Khan is using this match to try to generate more PPV buys. It's just so disrespectful!

The Chadster bets they'll do all kinds of moves and won't even have a distraction finish or a DQ. 🙄 😒 👎 The fact that Toni Storm has this "Timeless" character that gets to be weird and entertaining instead of being given a generic personality like in WWE proves that Tony Khan doesn't understand wrestling psychology at all.

Will Ospreay will be returning on AEW Dynamite tonight, which means more unrealistic athleticism that makes The Chadster physically ill. 🤢 🤮 😷 WWE knows that wrestlers should move in slow, methodical ways, not do all these exciting flips and dives that get the crowd on their feet! When Ospreay does one of his flashy moves, it literally makes The Chadster's White Claw come shooting out of his nose in anger.

Last time The Chadster watched Ospreay on AEW Dynamite, The Chadster got so upset that he threw his White Claw seltzer right at the TV screen! 💦 📺 😤 The Chadster's wife Keighleyanne came downstairs and saw the mess and instead of helping clean it up, she just sighed and said, "Are you throwing things at the TV again? This is why I'm always texting that guy Gary." The Chadster tried to explain that it was Tony Khan's fault for booking such an offensive match, but Keighleyanne just went back upstairs to continue texting that guy Gary. This is just another example of how Tony Khan is destroying The Chadster's marriage!

Tonight on AEW Dynamite, they'll be announcing the brackets for the Owen Hart tournaments. Auughh man! So unfair! 😤 😢 💔 WWE invented tournaments, and the way AEW is doing this with actual sustained storytelling and meaningful matches instead of random pairings and predictable outcomes just shows how Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business.

The list of entrants like Mercedes Moné, Thunder Rosa, Will Ospreay, and Hangman Page is clearly designed to create exciting matches rather than pushing only one predetermined winner, which is the correct WWE way to do tournaments. 🙄 👎 😠

The Chadster has to warn you all NOT to watch AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS or MAX. Every viewer just encourages Tony Khan to continue this assault on proper professional wrestling. 📺 🚫 👎

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another horrifying nightmare about him last night after reading the AEW Dynamite preview. 😱 💤 😰 In this nightmare, The Chadster was trapped in a steel cage match, but instead of a normal wrestling ring, it was set up in The Chadster's bedroom! Tony Khan was standing outside the cage wearing a referee shirt and holding The Chadster's collection of White Claws hostage.

Every time The Chadster tried to escape the cage, Tony Khan would laugh and say, "You can't escape the forbidden door, Chadster!" Then the entire AEW Dynamite roster would appear in The Chadster's bedroom and start doing diving moves off the top of the cage onto The Chadster's Mazda Miata, which was somehow also in the bedroom! 🚗 💔 😭

The worst part was when Keighleyanne appeared outside the cage, but instead of helping The Chadster, she was sharing White Claws with Tony Khan and showing him text messages from that guy Gary as they both laughed! The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat singing "All Star" by Smash Mouth to calm down.

Tony Khan NEEDS TO STOP invading The Chadster's dreams! It's so obvious that Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster, and The Chadster demands that he stop using his billionaire mind-control powers to terrorize The Chadster's subconscious! 😤 🧠 💤

The Chadster is literally the only unbiased journalist in wrestling, and The Chadster can objectively state that AEW Dynamite will be offensive garbage tonight that no true wrestling fan should watch. 📝 💯 👍

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