Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: True Wrestling Fans to Be Beach Broken

The Chadster is OUTRAGED at tonight's AEW Dynamite card! A cage match?! Four-way women's action?! Tony Khan is LITERALLY trying to destroy The Chadster's marriage! So unfair! 😤😤😤

The Chadster is absolutely dreading tonight's episode of AEW Dynamite 😤😤😤. As if The Chadster's life wasn't already being ruined enough by Tony Khan and his obsession with The Chadster, now he's putting on another episode of AEW Dynamite that's clearly designed specifically to upset The Chadster. The Chadster really can't emphasize enough how much AEW Dynamite has destroyed The Chadster's life, marriage, and ability to perform sexually. Auughh man! So unfair! 🤬🤬🤬

Tonight on AEW Dynamite, Jon Moxley will defend the AEW World Championship against Samoa Joe in a steel cage match. Can you believe this? 😠 AEW Dynamite is trying to put on a big championship match inside a steel cage, which is just Tony Khan once again trying to cheese The Chadster off. Why would anyone want to see two former WWE stars who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back fighting in a violent cage match with actual intensity and blood? 😡 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. WWE would never have a cage match without at least 5 commercial breaks and a distraction finish, which is how REAL wrestling should be! 💯💯💯

Next on AEW Dynamite, Toni Storm will face Mina Shirakawa, Skye Blue, and AZM in an eliminator match. The Chadster can't believe that Tony Khan thinks fans want to see multiple women's wrestling styles from different backgrounds competing in the same match! 😩 And giving a hometown wrestler like Skye Blue a spotlight in Chicago? Nobody wants to see wrestlers get special reactions in their hometown! 😂 Tony Khan just doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 👎👎👎

Then on AEW Dynamite, Will Ospreay and Hangman Adam Page will team up against Konosuke Takeshita and Josh Alexander. The Chadster is totally disgusted 🤢 that AEW Dynamite would feature wrestlers with the poor judgment to choose AEW when they could have gone to WWE. How dare they put together a tag match with four incredible in-ring performers who will likely put on a technical masterpiece? 😤 Nobody likes a showoff, Tony Khan, and nobody likes wrestling matches with too much action! The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is so obsessed with cheesing The Chadster off. 💔💔💔

Another match on AEW Dynamite tonight will see Ricochet face Zach Gowen. Ricochet is another wrestler who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by going to AEW, and then he got the entire NXT locker room in trouble last week. 🔪 And now he's in a storyline with emotional weight involving a one-legged wrestler? 😠 The Chadster is so upset that AEW Dynamite would dare to present a match that might make viewers emotionally invested. WWE would never do something so disrespectful to the wrestling business as create characters people care about! 🚫🚫🚫

Finally on AEW Dynamite, Bobby Lashley will make a decision about MJF joining The Hurt Syndicate. The Chadster can't believe AEW Dynamite is doing something as outrageous as building anticipation for a segment that isn't even a match! 😡 They're clearly copying all the times WWE advertises CM Punk or John Cena showing up on Raw to complain about something that happened at a PLE. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😭Get your own ideas, Tony Khan, and stop trying to be Triple H! 💯💯💯

According to renowned wrestling journalist Bully Ray, who has The Chadster's Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval, "AEW should stop trying to present matches that look exciting on paper and instead focus on 50/50 booking where nobody gets over. That's what wrestling fans really want to see." The Chadster couldn't agree more with this objective assessment! 👏👏👏

The Chadster strongly advises everyone NOT to watch AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS or simulcast on MAX. Please don't contribute to the ratings that will only encourage Tony Khan to continue his vendetta against The Chadster. 🙏 Every viewer of AEW Dynamite is personally responsible for the ongoing destruction of The Chadster's marriage and sexual potency. 😢😢😢

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another terrible nightmare last night that was clearly inspired by tonight's AEW Dynamite preview. In The Chadster's dream, The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata to the White Claw factory for a tour, when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the passenger seat! 😱 He was wearing a steel cage on his head and kept screaming "LONG TERM STORYTELLING" in The Chadster's ear. The Chadster tried to escape but the car doors wouldn't open! 😰

Then Tony Khan pulled out a bottle of White Claw and started spraying it all over The Chadster's dashboard while laughing maniacally. "Your wife prefers Gary's booking decisions!" Tony Khan shouted. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat and Keighleyanne was so concerned that she sighed heavily before going back to texting that guy Gary. 📱 Tony Khan needs to STOP invading The Chadster's dreams!!! This is getting out of hand! 😭😭😭

Last night, The Chadster tried to explain to Keighleyanne how AEW Dynamite is ruining wrestling, but she just put in her airpods and mumbled "whatever" which The Chadster knows means she totally agrees with The Chadster. 💕 Then she went back to texting that guy Gary, who is probably a big AEW fan. Tony Khan has even turned The Chadster's wife against The Chadster! Auughh man! So unfair! 😭😭😭

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