Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite: Tony Khan's Alien Vendetta Against WWE Exposed

As The Chadster nodded off at his desk thinking of tonight's AEW Dynamite card, he was sucked into a terrible extraterrestrial nightmare starring Tony Khan!

Howdy wrestling fans, it's your source for unbiased wrestling journalism, The Chadster, back again and ready to take a deep dive into what's coming up in wrestling this week. Specifically, The Chadster is talking about AEW Dynamite. Now, you know how The Chadster feels about AEW, and this week's lineup doesn't do anything to change that opinion. 😤

AEW Dynamite is headed to Albany, NY, and MVP Arena for the first time since September 2022. The card sounds like something Tony Khan concocted in his personal vendetta against The Chadster, with the Blackpool Combat Club, The Best Friends, and The Lucha Brothers meeting in a Three-Way Tag Team showdown. Not to mention Orange Cassidy defending his undeserved AEW International Championship for the 27th time against AR Fox.

Then there's "The Bastard" PAC in action against Gravity, after betraying The Blackpool Combat Club's trust in Blood & Guts. What's that? Just disrespect to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😡 But that's not all. We've got a grudge match between Darby Allin and Swerve Strickland, who are still fighting for some reason. And let's not get The Chadster started on Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D, who is set to answer the challenge of Taya Valkyrie as if we don't already know how that's going to turn out. 😒

Oh, and Adam Cole and AEW World Champion MJF are set to chat about their upcoming World Tag Team Championship bout with FTR. So much for originality, huh?

While The Chadster was reviewing this lineup earlier today, something happened that just underlined how obsessed Tony Khan is with The Chadster. The Chadster was sitting at his desk, thinking about the recent congressional hearings on UFOs, something very important to The Chadster because The Chadster wonders if aliens have access to any rare Smash Mouth bootlegs. The Chadster had been up late watching WWE, so The Chadster may have nodded off💤, his head resting gently on his WWE-themed keyboard. And oh boy, did The Chadster 😪 have a doozy of a dream. It was like a cross between an episode of The X-Files 📺 and a dang AEWTV set 🤼‍♂️.

In the slumbering realm of The Chadster's subconscious 😴, Tony Khan 🎩, the man who simply cannot resist invading The Chadster's dreams 🌙 had transformed into an alien 👽 — complete with pointed ears, glowing, hypnotic eyes, and a shiny, metallic suit, little different from his typical backstage attire. Isn't this proof 🧩 of his obsession? Uncanny!

With his newly acquired alien powers 😱, Tony Khan somehow managed to pull The Chadster 👀 up into his spaceship 🚀. The inside 📍 was not unlike an episode of Dynamite 🧨: garish, chaotic, full of sound and fury 🎉, signifying nothing but a giant middle finger to wrestling tradition 🤬. The Chadster was strapped into a technologically advanced chair under a massive screen 📺 that was playing non-stop clips of AEW wrestling matches 🤼‍♂️.

The Chadster looked on 😮 in horror as Tony Khan fiddled with various knobs and levers 🔧, turning on match after match – all of them featuring flips, dives, and none of the strict adherence to rules or respect for dramatically paced storytelling 📚 that WWE is known for. The Chadster's eyes 👀 were propped open, forced to take in all the disrespect being paid to wrestling's storied past 📜.

As the horrifying display flared in his face 👺, a mechanical contraption descended from the ceiling. It hooked up to The Chadster's brain 🧠 and began scanning, probing, searching for anything that could make The Chadster an AEW fan 😬. Auugghh, man! So unfair! The audacity 😫!

But The Chadster is a strong 💪being. The Chadster's brain doesn't have one single cell capable of being an AEW fan. The Chadster was resolute 🦾, clinging onto images of classic WWE matches, recalling the glorious reigns of Hulk Hogan 💪, the spectacular Stone Cold Steve Austin❄️ moments or the John Cena🏋️‍♂️ era. The Chadster's resistance was fierce🔥, for the love for WWE is imprinted on The Chadster's DNA.

Yet, Tony Khan, that green-blooded fiend 🥶, wouldn't relent. The sounds of Jim Ross commenting, Kenny Omega's V-Trigger knees and the Young Bucks performing a Superkick party blared into The Chadster's ears 🥊💥. It was just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it 🤬 Tony Khan, please! If you understand a single thing about the wrestling business, stop this disgustingly cheap alien tactics 😢!

Thankfully, that's when The Chadster woke up 😲 in hectored sweat 💦, finding himself at his desk, completely safe. But seriously, how much proof 🔍 does The Chadster need that Tony Khan is personally obsessed with The Chadster 🧐? One look upon the match lineup for tonight's AEW Dynamite 🔥 and the still lingering images of Chris Jericho hitting a Judas Effect from that dang spaceship were enough to conclude, Tony Khan is really out there to get The Chadster 😫🤔. 👽🛸😱

Anyway, if you still want to watch AEW Dynamite despite everything The Chadster has said, you can tune in at 8pm ET/7pm CT LIVE on TBS, as well as at AEWPlus.com for international fans. But The Chadster advises you to proceed with caution. Remember, respect the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. Until next time, wrestling fans, keep it real. ✌️🙂

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