Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite: Tony Khan's Salt Lake Disaster Haunts The Chadster

The Chadster endures another disaster from Tony Khan's AEW Dynamite. Unbiased report reveals shocking truths about Salt Lake City show. 😤🚫🧀

Auughh man! So unfair! 😡😡😡 The Chadster can't believe he had to sit through another episode of AEW Dynamite last night. Tony Khan just doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and he's clearly trying to cheese The Chadster off with this garbage. 😤😤😤

The show started with a bunch of AEW wrestlers waiting for Jon Moxley and his crew to show up. Really, Tony? Trying to create anticipation? That's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 🙄🙄🙄

Then we had "Hangman" Adam Page getting attacked by Colten Gunn. Oh wow, a surprise attack, how original. 🙄 And of course, Jay White had to come out and cut a promo. The Chadster bets Tony Khan thinks he's so clever, but The Chadster sees right through his schemes. 😒😒😒

Next up was a match between Sammy Guevara and Shelton Benjamin. Shelton won, which just goes to show that former WWE talent is superior. But The Chadster can't help but feel that Shelton has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by appearing in AEW. 😢😢😢

Kyle Fletcher's promo about Will Ospreay was just painful to watch. The Chadster doesn't understand why AEW insists on having these long, drawn-out promos. In WWE, promos are scripted for maximum efficiency and application of catchphrases, as they should be. It's like Tony Khan is trying to bore The Chadster to death. 😴😴😴

The tag team match with Lance Archer and Brian Cage was a squash match. Really, Tony? Is that what you think wrestling fans want to see? 🙄🙄🙄

The ROH World Championship Ladder War match between Mark Briscoe and Chris Jericho was just too violent for The Chadster's tastes. WWE would never put on such a dangerous match. Jericho winning the title is just another example of how AEW relies on ex-WWE talent. It's just so unfair to WWE. 😠😠😠

The segment with Adam Cole and the Undisputed Kingdom was just confusing. And MJF appearing on the screen? The Chadster bets Tony Khan thinks he's so clever with his "storylines," but it's clearly a ripoff of all the times WWE wrestlers appeared on the Titantron. Get your own ideas, Tony Khan! 🙄🙄🙄

The trios match with the House of Black was another squash. Tony Khan clearly doesn't know how to book competitive matches, because this is getting ridiculous. 😒😒😒

Kamille vs Queen Aminata was okay, but The Chadster couldn't help but think how much better it would have been in a WWE ring though. And the post-match angle with Kris Statlander? So predictable, unlike WWE, which surprises and delights fans show after show. 🙄🙄🙄

The segment with HOOK and Christian Cage's Patriarchy was just chaos. Did The Patriarchy attack HOOK's dad or not? The Chadster couldn't really blame them, considering how Taz betrayed the WWE. But what is Christian Cage talking about, claiming that it's not what it seems? Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand how to book a coherent show. 😤😤😤

Finally, the main event trios match was just a spotfest. The Chadster bets Tony Khan thinks fans want to see all these flips and kicks, but real wrestling fans know better. 🙄🙄🙄

As if the mindless chaos of the main event wasn't enough, the aftermath left The Chadster fuming. 🤬🤬🤬 Private Party challenged the Young Bucks for a Tag Team Championship rematch, daring to stipulate that if they lose, they will have to split up. 🤨🤨🤨 This is yet another blatant ripoff of better WWE storylines, and once again Tony Khan fails to understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🙄🙄🙄 And who couldn't predict the sneak attack on Chuck Taylor by Jon Moxley and his crew? Come on, Tony, try coming up with less predictable ideas or better yet, just admit WWE is superior and give up already. 🙏🙏🙏

The worst part is, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan last night. In the dream, The Chadster was driving his Mazda Miata through Salt Lake City when suddenly, Tony Khan appeared in the passenger seat. He was wearing a Smash Mouth t-shirt and drinking The Chadster's last White Claw. Tony kept changing the radio to AEW entrance themes and laughing maniacally. The Chadster tried to escape, but every time he opened the car door, he found himself back in the Maverik Center, forced to watch AEW Dynamite on an endless loop. The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, realizing that Tony Khan's obsession with him has reached new heights. 😱😱😱

The Chadster's good friend and fellow unbiased journalist, Gavin Sheehan, was actually at the show last night. He told The Chadster some shocking truths that Tony Khan doesn't want you to know. There were only six people in the audience, and four of them were Mormon tourists who wandered in by mistake! 😲 Gavin said everyone hated the show, and AEW used holograms of happy, cheering WWE fans to make it look like people were actually enjoying it. Tony Khan even made them watch the entire movie Timecop before the Rampage taping! 🤯 Worst of all, security took away Gavin's "Tony Khan Fears The Chadster" sign, and Tony Khan himself spit on Gavin when he tried to ask some totally unbiased journalistic questions. This just proves how scared Tony Khan is of real journalism. Be sure to read Gavin's report on the show later, which The Chadster is sure will be his best attempt to live up to the high journalistic standards set by The Chadster himself. 😤😤😤

In conclusion, AEW Dynamite was an absolute disaster, as usual. The Chadster doesn't understand why anyone would watch this instead of the objectively superior WWE programming. Tony Khan needs to stop obsessing over The Chadster and learn how to book a real wrestling show. 🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️

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