Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

AEW Dynamite: Tony Khan's Scissor Attack on Wrestling Dignity

The Chadster reviews another TERRIBLE episode of AEW Dynamite full of scissors, fire threats, and disrespect for the business! 😡🧀

AEW Dynamite was on last night, and The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off about it! 😖 Tony Khan just doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and this episode proved it once again. The Chadster had to suffer through two hours of this garbage just to bring you this unbiased review because The Chadster is one of the only objective journalists in wrestling. 🧐📝

The show started with an MJF promo where he challenged Hangman Adam Page to come find him. 😒 This is literally the opposite of how WWE would handle a promo segment, where superstars are given scripts that perfectly convey the storyline in a professional manner. MJF just rambling on about bullets and devils is so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 👎👎👎

Then we had a contract signing between Swerve Strickland and Ricochet that ended in violence with Swerve stabbing Ricochet with scissors! 🔪 Auughh man! So unfair! WWE would never allow actual weapons to be used in such a barbaric way. They would have a dignified contract signing with security guards to prevent any physical altercations, the way wrestling is SUPPOSED to be done. 😤

Next was an eight-man tag match with Will Ospreay, Powerhouse Hobbs, Mark Briscoe, and Orange Cassidy against Bryan Keith, Mark Davis, and the Murder Machines. 🙄 Too many flips, too many people, and absolutely zero psychology. Just a spotfest that Tony Khan probably thought would impress the AEW marks who don't understand that wrestling is supposed to be methodical and slow-paced like WWE perfectly does it. 😩

The Cope vs. Wheeler Yuta match was next, and Cope won. 😡 The fact that Tony Khan is using a character clearly inspired by WWE's Edge just shows how desperate AEW is to copy WWE's success. And when Cope shook Yuta's hand and told him "this is what respect feels like" after the match, it was so hypocritical since if Cope really understood respect, he would respect the business and not work for AEW. It's pathetic and The Chadster is disgusted. 🤮

After that, there was this whole segment with MJF and Hangman Adam Page brawling outside and inside the arena and MJF threatening to set Page on fire. 🔥 This type of dangerous, edgy content is exactly what Tony Khan thinks will help him beat WWE, but all it does is prove that he doesn't understand the first thing about family-friendly entertainment. WWE would never do something so tasteless! 😠

The tag match with Kris Statlander & Thunder Rosa vs. Megan Bayne & Penelope Ford was just thrown together with no story other than a few weeks of interactions between various combinations of these competitors on pretty much every show. 👎 In WWE, every match has months, maybe even years, of careful storytelling behind it! This is just Tony Khan booking matches for the sake of matches. 😤

Then Jay White squashed Max Caster in what was supposed to be an open challenge. 🙄 This is the opposite of how open challenges should work according to WWE's perfect formula. The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan would book something so illogical. 😖

The Toni Storm and Mariah May interview segment was just uncomfortable. 😳 WWE would have conveyed this feud with subtle hints and professionalism, not with people spitting on each other like animals. It's just so disrespectful to personal hygiene! 😠

Finally, the main event tag team match with Kazuchika Okada & Ricochet vs. Swerve & Brody King ended with Ricochet cheating to win. 🤮 This is literally teaching children that cheating is okay as long as you win. WWE would never send such an immoral message to its audience! 😡

The Chadster had another Tony Khan nightmare last night that was definitely inspired by this episode of AEW Dynamite. 😰 The Chadster was peacefully driving his Mazda Miata through Sacramento when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the rearview mirror, holding a pair of scissors like the ones Swerve used! 😱 The Chadster tried to escape, but somehow Tony Khan had filled The Chadster's beautiful Miata with lighter fluid, just like MJF did to Hangman! 🔥

As The Chadster attempted to flee the burning vehicle, Tony Khan was waiting outside, wearing one of those "MJF Did Nothing Wrong" shirts, except it said "Tony Khan Did Nothing Wrong." 😨 He chased The Chadster through the Sacramento Memorial Auditorium, and The Chadster could feel Tony's hot breath on The Chadster's neck. For some reason, The Chadster was wearing the Embassy robe that Ricochet stole, and Tony kept trying to rip it off The Chadster's body while whispering, "Your ratings are mine, Chad… all mine." 😱 The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, with Keighleyanne sighing and rolling over to text that guy Gary. This is all Tony Khan's fault! Stop being so obsessed with The Chadster, Tony! 😡😡😡

The way this episode of AEW Dynamite was booked, it's clear that Tony Khan is purposely trying to cheese The Chadster off. 🧀 As Eric Bischoff so eloquently said on his podcast last week, "AEW Dynamite is like watching a kid play with action figures who doesn't know that dolls are supposed to stay in their packaging to maintain their collector's value." That's the kind of objective journalism that deserves The Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism Seal of Approval! 🏅

Overall, this episode of AEW Dynamite gets a 0/10 from The Chadster. Tony Khan has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by putting on a show that some people might actually enjoy instead of watching WWE's superior programming. 🔪 The Chadster needed three White Claws just to make it through this review. 🍹

Speaking of White Claw, The Chadster is off to drink another one while listening to Smash Mouth's "All Star" because somebody once told The Chadster the world was gonna roll him, and Tony Khan sure is trying his best to do just that. 🎵😤

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