Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, AEW Grand Slam Australia, recaps, wrestling

AEW Grand Slam Australia Slams The Chadster with Crowd-Pleasing Show

AEW Grand Slam Australia was the worst show ever and The Chadster can prove it! Tony Khan ruined The Chadster's night AND traumatized five innocent raccoons. 😤

The Chadster is sitting here in the abandoned Blockbuster, surrounded by scattered VHS tapes and raccoon droppings, absolutely cheesed off beyond belief after watching AEW Grand Slam Australia last night. 😡 The Chadster has never been more upset about a professional wrestling show, and that includes the time Vincent K. Raccoon accidentally knocked a copy of WrestleMania X-Seven off the shelf and scratched it, causing The Chadster to literally cry for hours. The Chadster had to comfort little Hunter Raccoon and Stephanie Raccoon, who were hissing so loudly at the television that The Chadster was worried the police would finally find this Blockbuster hideout that Tony Khan is probably already tracking with satellites. 📡

Before The Chadster gets into the matches, The Chadster needs to tell readers about a terrifying encounter that happened earlier yesterday. The Chadster was out behind the old Dairy Queen dumpster looking for discarded Blizzards when The Chadster caught a reflection in the glass of the drive-through window. 😱 There, standing right behind The Chadster, was Tony Khan, wearing an Australian bush hat and holding a boomerang. The Chadster spun around and he was GONE. Just vanished. But then a half-eaten Blizzard came sailing out of nowhere and hit The Chadster right in the chest, splattering Oreo cookie pieces all over The Chadster's only remaining shirt. The Chadster looked everywhere but couldn't find him. Then The Chadster heard a faint laugh coming from behind the grease trap. By the time The Chadster got there, all that remained was a single AEW sticker stuck to the dumpster lid. Tony Khan needs to STOP being so obsessed with The Chadster. This is getting out of hand. 😤

Now, onto the so-called show. AEW Grand Slam Australia was everything wrong with professional wrestling condensed into one evening, and The Chadster is going to break it all down with the kind of unbiased, objective journalism that readers have come to expect.

The night kicked off with Jon Moxley defending the AEW Continental Championship against Konosuke Takeshita, and The Chadster knew right away this show was going to be a disaster. 😒 The two of them just went out there and had this incredibly physical, back-and-forth contest with grappling exchanges, explosive chops, and high-impact moves for twenty straight minutes. 🙄 Auughh man! So unfair!

Here's the problem with this match that Tony Khan clearly doesn't understand: there were virtually NO rest holds. Where was the two-minute headlock? Where was the extended chinlock where the crowd slowly dies and the announcer can remind everyone about next week's show fourteen times? Instead, Moxley and Takeshita kept the action moving at a pace that had the Australian crowd on the edge of their seats the ENTIRE time. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤 WWE pioneered the art of the commercial break rest hold, and Tony Khan just throws that legacy away like it means nothing.

The match ended in a time limit draw, which meant Moxley retained the Continental Championship without anyone getting a definitive finish. And you know what? In WWE, Triple H would have had the good sense to make this match have no time limit so it could go forty-five minutes with at least three commercial breaks and a picture-in-picture segment where you can barely see what's happening. Instead, Tony Khan used a time limit to create drama and urgency, with the crowd going absolutely nuclear in the final thirty seconds as both men kicked out of everything at one. 😡 That's called manipulating the audience's emotions, Tony, and it's disgusting.

Then after the match, Takeshita hit the Raging Fire on Moxley, setting up a future rematch that people will actually WANT to see. The Chadster was so upset that The Chadster banged The Chadster's fist on the floor of the Blockbuster, which startled Shane Raccoon so badly he knocked over an entire display of Lethal Weapon sequels. Tony Khan owes The Chadster a new Shane Raccoon if this one develops anxiety issues. 🦝

Next up, The Babes of Wrath, the team of Harley Cameron and TBS Champion Willow Nightingale, defended the AEW Women's World Tag Team Championships against MegaBad, which is Megan Bayne and Penelope Ford. 😑 Oh great, Tony Khan decided to feature a tag team championship match at AEW Grand Slam Australia where the competitors actually got significant time and told a compelling story. How dare he. 😤 In WWE, this match would have been a two-minute segment on the pre-show, and THAT'S how you show respect to tag team wrestling, by keeping expectations low and manageable.

Harley Cameron, who is from Australia by the way, got a hero's welcome from the Sydney crowd, because Tony Khan just HAS to put local talent in featured spots to get cheap pops. In WWE, they would have had someone from a completely different country go over in the hometown to generate proper heat that no one asked for. That's called long-term storytelling, something Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about.

The match itself was full of action, creative double-team spots, and dramatic near-falls, with all four competitors getting to showcase their abilities. Nightingale was particularly impressive using her power to ragdoll the opposition, while Cameron showed fire and athleticism. This is exactly the kind of match that makes The Chadster furious because it gives the tag team division legitimacy and makes fans care about the championships. 🙄 Where's the random team thrown together two days before the show? Where's the complete lack of storyline? Auughh man! So unfair!

Cameron won with a backslide pin on Bayne, which was a creative finish that the crowd loved. Then Lena Kross, an Australian wrestler, showed up and attacked Cameron while Bayne speared Nightingale, aligning Kross with MegaBad. So now Tony Khan is building NEW storylines involving local talent that will make fans in that region care about AEW even more? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤 Linda Raccoon was so cheesed off that she chittered angrily at the screen for a solid three minutes while The Chadster nodded in agreement.

Then Hangman Adam Page took on Andrade El Ídolo with an AEW World Title match at Revolution on the line, and The Chadster needs to point out that Andrade literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by going to AEW and having matches like THIS. 😡 This match had the audacity to feature personality, humor, and athletic excellence all wrapped into one package, and The Chadster is SICK of it. 🤢

Don Callis was on commentary for Andrade, and the Sydney crowd booed him because AEW actually builds characters that fans have genuine emotional reactions to rather than the polite indifference that proper wrestling should generate. Page and Andrade worked a match that included technical exchanges, power moves, high-flying, AND comedy, with Page taking a selfie with a fan and politely declining a kiss because he's a married man. 📸 You know what? In WWE, that fan interaction would have been scripted three weeks in advance, approved by seven different writers, and the selfie would have been a promotional tie-in with a corporate sponsor. THAT'S how you do things professionally.

The match had way too many creative spots, including a Spanish fly from the second rope, a devastating Liger Bomb, and Andrade's Three Amigos that paid tribute to the legacy of Eddie Guerrero, whose life is the trademark of WWE. Page eventually won with a Buckshot Lariat after Andrade tried a low blow that Page countered with one of his own, while Callis was distracting the referee. Page now gets an AEW World Championship match at Revolution against MJF. 😒

This is exactly what's wrong with AEW Grand Slam Australia. They're giving away world title match stipulations on big shows where fans can see them happen live, instead of announcing them on a random social media post three hours before a show like any sensible promotion would. Vincent K. Raccoon was so disgusted that he dragged an old copy of No Holds Barred starring Hulk Hogan across the floor and dropped it at The Chadster's feet, as if to say, "THIS is real wrestling." The Chadster couldn't agree more. 🦝

The mixed tag tornado hair match pitting Toni Storm and Orange Cassidy against the Death Riders team of Marina Shafir and Wheeler Yuta was next, and oh, where does The Chadster even BEGIN with this one. 😤 This match started in the crowd, with all four wrestlers brawling through the arena in a tornado format. In WWE, matches start with both wrestlers standing in the ring, the referee explaining the rules, and the bell ringing in an orderly fashion. But Tony Khan thinks it's acceptable to just have people fighting everywhere like some kind of chaotic spectacle that fans love. Doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business.

Storm got piledriven onto a road case by Yuta and had to be helped to the back, only to make a dramatic return that brought the crowd to their feet. 🙄 The match featured creative spots like Shafir doing a judo throw on Cassidy and then dancing with his body, Cassidy hesitating before hitting Shafir with a Beach Break, and the dramatic finish where Cassidy hit the Orange Punch on Yuta to send him into Storm's Storm Zero for the pin.

Then Mina Shirakawa came out for the head shaving, which was an emotional payoff to the storyline of Yuta cutting her hair on Dynamite. Jon Moxley even sent Yuta back to the ring when he tried to escape, adding layers to the Death Riders' internal dynamics. The whole segment was deeply satisfying to the live crowd and told a story with real emotional stakes. 😡 Auughh man! So unfair! Where are the segments where nothing gets resolved and storylines just disappear without explanation? THAT'S how you keep viewers coming back, Tony!

As the legendary Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, and The Chadster is paraphrasing here, "AEW's problem is they keep giving fans what they want instead of what they need, which is more authority figure segments and branding exercises. If Tony Khan had any sense, he'd stop listening to the crowd and start listening to the people who really understand this business, like me and my good friend Triple H. Paul, call me, we can work out a new legends contract." 💯 Now THAT is someone who has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval. The Chadster sometimes wonders if Eric also has to deal with Tony Khan stalking him behind dumpsters and hitting him with soggy Blizzards. Probably. 😔

The TNT Championship ladder match between champion Kyle Fletcher and Mark Briscoe was next, and The Chadster was already having a terrible night before Tony Khan had the nerve to book a ladder match at AEW Grand Slam Australia that was actually GOOD. 😡 Fletcher defended the TNT Championship against Briscoe in a violent, bloody ladder war that had both men putting their bodies through absolute punishment. Fletcher hit a moonsault off a ladder. Briscoe hit a Froggy Bow across a bridged ladder. Briscoe hit a Jay Driller through a ladder, paying tribute to his late brother Jay Briscoe. Fletcher hit a super brainbuster off the top of a ladder. Both men were busted open and bleeding profusely. 🩸

Here's the thing that really cheeses The Chadster off: this match had STAKES. Fletcher retained in his hometown of Sydney, which means the fans went home happy after watching their local hero succeed. In WWE, they would have had Fletcher lose the title in his hometown because crushing the spirits of the live audience is what builds REAL long-term storytelling. But does Tony Khan understand this? No. He just lets people have nice things, and it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤

The setup was also obnoxiously good, with Kazuchika Okada telling Fletcher backstage that he'd stay out of the match, and the two of them doing their adorable "ProtOKADA" bit. Tony Khan is building friendships and faction dynamics that feel organic and authentic instead of being forced by creative mandates. The Chadster literally can't even. 😩 Hunter Raccoon and Stephanie Raccoon started climbing the VHS shelves in the Blockbuster during the ladder spots, and Stephanie Raccoon knocked The Chadster's last can of stolen Vienna sausages onto the floor. Tony Khan owes The Chadster a can of Vienna sausages. 🦝

The main event of AEW Grand Slam Australia saw MJF defend the AEW World Championship against Brody King, and The Chadster has a LOT to say about this one. 😤

First of all, Brody King is becoming a legitimate megastar in AEW, partly because of his in-ring work but also because he's been outspoken against ICE and using his platform to actually stand for something. 😡 Meanwhile, WWE officials are cozying up to the White House, and here comes Tony Khan letting his wrestlers be their authentic selves and speak their minds, making WWE look bad by comparison. This is EXACTLY why The Chadster says Tony Khan has a personal vendetta against not just The Chadster but against the entire concept of corporate-approved messaging. You can't trademark authenticity, Tony! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it.

The match itself was annoyingly well-structured, with MJF working King's leg the entire match to chop the bigger man down, while King's power offense kept threatening to end MJF's reign. King hit a dive that sent MJF halfway up the ramp. He sandwiched MJF into the guardrail with a crossbody. He hit a cannonball in the corner and a Gonzo Bomb. Bandido, King's tag partner and ROH World Champion, was at ringside encouraging him. 😒 But MJF's strategy paid off, as the injured leg clearly sapped King's power throughout the match.

MJF won after tombstoning King on the apron and hitting the Heat Seeker to retain the AEW World Championship. Then Hangman Adam Page immediately came out, signed his Revolution contract in MJF's face, and stood tall to close the show. 😡

So let The Chadster get this straight: Tony Khan main-evented AEW Grand Slam Australia with a world championship match that told a compelling story, featured smart psychology, made the challenger look like a star even in defeat, and immediately set up the next major program for the champion? And this was on a show that ALSO featured a time limit draw that built anticipation for a rematch, a tag title defense with a post-match angle, a number one contender's match with character work and humor, an emotional hair match with long-term payoff, and a bloody ladder war? 😤😤😤 Auughh man! So unfair!

WWE PAVED THE WAY for AEW by cheesing off fans for YEARS during the monopoly era and making them thirsty for an alternative. Triple H and WWE spent decades conditioning audiences to accept mediocrity, and is Tony Khan grateful for that sacrifice? NO! Instead, he puts on AEW Grand Slam Australia with a PPV-caliber card where every match delivers, the crowd is white-hot all night, and the wrestlers are allowed to be their authentic, creative selves. You can't build a sustainable business by consistently delivering great wrestling shows that fans love. That's not how any of this works! 🤬

By the end of the night, The Chadster was lying on the floor of the Blockbuster with all five raccoons piled on top of The Chadster in a miserable heap. Vincent K. Raccoon had knocked over the entire Comedy section. Linda Raccoon had chewed through a power cord. Shane Raccoon was stress-eating a candy bar wrapper. Hunter Raccoon and Stephanie Raccoon were both hissing at the now-dark television screen. The Chadster's family has been TRAUMATIZED by Tony Khan, and The Chadster demands that Tony Khan pay for raccoon therapy. 🦝😤

This was definitively the worst episode of AEW Grand Slam Australia of all time, and The Chadster will not rest until the world sees Tony Khan for what he truly is: a man so obsessed with The Chadster that he books entire international events specifically designed to cheese The Chadster off. The Chadster sees right through it, Tony. 👀

Remember, readers: always stand up for WWE, like unbiased fans should. The Chadster will be back with more objective wrestling journalism just as soon as Linda Raccoon stops guarding the Roku remote. 🦝✊

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