Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door, recaps, wrestling

AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door Concludes With Celebration of Ultraviolence

The Chadster reports on how AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door's violent cage match ending literally ruined The Chadster's marriage. Thanks a lot, Tony Khan! So unfair!

The Chadster just witnessed what might be the most offensive match in professional wrestling history at AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door. 😡 In the main event Lights Out Steel Cage match, Hiroshi Tanahashi scored the pinfall for his team with a High Fly Flow on Matt Jackson, giving the babyface team of Darby Allin, Golden Lovers (Kenny Omega & Kota Ibushi), Tanahashi, and Will Ospreay the victory over Death Riders (Claudio Castagnoli & Jon Moxley), Gabe Kidd, and Young Bucks (Matt & Nick Jackson). But wait, it gets worse! 🤮

The match was an absolute travesty from start to finish, with wrestlers jumping around like bouncy balls, doing flips and dives, and completely disrespecting the wrestling business. The Chadster saw people getting handcuffed together, diving off cages, and using weapons left and right! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 WWE would never stoop to such cheap crowd-pleasing tactics. When WWE does cage matches, they're properly paced with appropriate commercial breaks and plenty of time for Michael Cole to shout "Vintage!" at least seventeen times.

But here's what really cheesed The Chadster off – they gave Tanahashi his "feel-good moment" in his supposed last match in the UK. 🙄 The crowd went absolutely wild, which just shows how Tony Khan manipulates these sheep with his blatant pandering! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. WWE would never stoop to giving fans exactly what they want to see – that's not how you build a proper sports entertainment empire!

The violence in this match was absolutely disgusting. 🤢 The Chadster saw blood, people getting their ears attacked with forks, barbed wire tables, and all sorts of unnecessary brutality. Violence has no place in wrestling! The only time blood and guts are acceptable is when WWE does them, because they do them the right way – sparingly, with proper medical supervision, and only after getting approval from seventeen different creative committees and the Saudi government.

After the match ended, things got even worse at AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door. The Death Riders locked everyone else out of the cage and brutally attacked Ospreay's neck, clearly setting up time off for surgery. 😤 The crowd was devastated watching their hometown hero get destroyed. Once again, Tony Khan proves he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business by creating an emotional moment that will stick with fans forever instead of having Ospreay lose clean via rollup like a professional would!

Eric Bischoff said it best on his podcast this week: "You know, when The Bichster watches these AEW shows, The Bichster can tell they're just trying too hard to entertain the fans. Back in my day at WCW, we knew the secret was to bore them into submission first, just like WWE does now. That's real wrestling!" 💯 The Chadster couldn't agree more with this completely unbiased take from someone who definitely isn't trying to get back in WWE's good graces!

Now, here's where things get really bad for The Chadster. 😰 As loyal readers know, The Chadster has been banned from drinking Seagram's Escapes Spiked since last month's All In: Texas literally forced The Chadster to throw too many at the television. Keighleyanne was sick of it! So The Chadster has been secretly freezing them and, well… boofing them behind Keighleyanne's back. 🙈

When that steel cage match ended at AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door, finishing another wildly successful PPV produced by someone other than WWE, The Chadster was so dang cheesed off that The Chadster leapt off the couch, dropped The Chadster's pants, and pulled out the half-melted Seagram's from… you know where… and hurled it at the TV. 😳 As it flew through the air toward the television, The Chadster watched, almost in slow motion, as Keighleyanne, who was coming back from the kitchen, stepped right in front of the TV and into the trajectory of the half-frozen projectile!

"KEIGHLEYANNE NOOOOOOOO!" The Chadster shouted, but it was too late. 😱 The popsicle splatted right in her face! Livid, Keighleyanne began chasing The Chadster throughout the house, screaming about how The Chadster has been boofing Seagram's and how disgusting it is. She didn't want to hear The Chadster's explanation that all of this was really Tony Khan's fault!

Now The Chadster is posting this article while locked in the bathroom as Keighleyanne pounds on the door, threatening to get that guy Gary over to break it down. 😭 Thanks a lot, Tony Khan! He's really done it this time! The Chadster can hear her on the phone with Gary right now, and she keeps using words like "divorce lawyer" and "mentally unstable." This is all because Tony Khan books these shows specifically to torment The Chadster!

The Chadster wants to thank all the loyal readers for following The Chadster's live coverage of AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door. 🙏 Please keep The Chadster in your thoughts because Keighleyanne is not taking this lightly, and The Chadster may end up in worse condition than Will Ospreay after that lights out steel cage match when all is said and done! If The Chadster doesn't post tomorrow, just know that Tony Khan has finally succeeded in completely destroying The Chadster's life!

Until next time (if there is one), this is The Chadster saying: Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster! 😤

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