Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: , ,

Cody Rhodes Beats John Cena for WWE Title at WWE SummerSlam

The Chadster witnessed wrestling perfection as Cody Rhodes defeated John Cena at WWE SummerSlam! And as far as The Chadster knows, absolutely nothing happened after that!

Published
by
|
Comments

Article Summary

  • Cody Rhodes dethrones John Cena for the WWE Title in the greatest Street Fight ever, no thanks to Tony Khan!
  • WWE storytelling proves why AEW can never compete—Cena turned babyface with no explanation, just perfection!
  • WWE broke physics with a WWE SummerSlam crowd of over 60,000—take that, AEW and your suspicious numbers!
  • Tony Khan’s meddling ruins lives, but nothing can stop The Chadster from celebrating Cody Rhodes’ big win!

Welcome back to The Chadster's ongoing live coverage of night two of WWE SummerSlam! 🎉 The Chadster just witnessed the most incredible WWE Championship match in the history of professional wrestling, as Cody Rhodes defeated John Cena to become the new WWE Undisputed Champion! Bleeding Cool is the only safe and secure place on the internet for unbiased coverage that respects WWE's rightful place as the global leader in sports entertainment. 💪

In a wrestling ring, John Cena raises Cody Rhodes' arm in victory after Rhodes defeats him for the WWE title at SummerSlam, while a cheering crowd watches in the background.
Cody Rhodes celebrates his victory over John Cena for the WWE Title at SummerSlam, with Cena raising his arm in recognition.

The match was absolutely perfect in every way! 🤩 John Cena and Cody Rhodes put on a Street Fight for the ages, with both men showing incredible respect for each other throughout. The match featured everything you could want – steel steps, chairs, tables, and even a journey through the crowd that showed how WWE knows exactly how to deliver the perfect sports entertainment experience without too much violence. After multiple Cross Rhodes and Attitude Adjustments, Rhodes finally put Cena away with one final Cross Rhodes to capture the championship. The way Cena suddenly turned babyface just three days ago without any explanation was brilliant storytelling! 🎭 That's exactly how wrestling should be done – fans only care about moments, and they don't have to make sense from one to the other. That's the right way to do wrestling… the WWE way!

John Cena walks to the wrestling ring wearing a blue shirt that says "THE LAST TIME IS" while displaying a small item in his hand. The background features large graphics of his name.
John Cena makes his entrance to the ring ahead of his main event match against Cody Rhodes at SummerSlam.

This was without a doubt the greatest Street Fight in wrestling history! 🏆 The way WWE's professional writers crafted every single word that came out of the wrestlers' mouths beforehand ensured that every moment was perfectly executed. The commentary team's brilliant strategy of shouting "OH MY GOD!" and "WHAT A MOMENT!" over and over again really enhanced the viewing experience in a way that AEW's commentary team could never understand – that's just good business! 💼

Cody Rhodes makes a dramatic entrance, wearing a flashy coat and a skull mask, under bright lights with fog effects in the background. The atmosphere is charged as he approaches the ring, symbolizing his challenge for the WWE Championship.
Cody Rhodes makes his entrance to challenge John Cena for the WWE Championship at SummerSlam.

The Chadster needs to tell you about how The Chadster celebrated this amazing match, though it wasn't easy thanks to Tony Khan! 😤 See, Keighleyanne still won't let The Chadster drink any delicious Seagram's Escapes Spiked because she's still mad about how many cans The Chadster threw at the television while watching AEW All In: Texas last month (thanks a lot Tony Khan). During SummerSlam night one, The Chadster hid a case of Seagram's Escapes Spiked in the toilet tank in the bathroom and kept running in there to chug them after each match. Keighleyanne was suspicious of The Chadster's claims that it was explosive diarrhea, but The Chadster managed to get away with it. 🚽

Today, The Chadster came up with an ingenious plan! 🧠 The Chadster stashed some Seagram's Escapes Spiked under the seat of The Chadster's Mazda Miata, and immediately after Cody's victory, without sticking around to see if anything else happened, because the end of PPVs are just people standing around as the crowd cheers, as everyone knows, The Chadster told Keighleyanne, "The Chadster just remembered, he forgot to reset the drivers seat to an upright position after reclining it earlier today!"

Cody Rhodes stands beside a defeated John Cena in the ring at WWE SummerSlam, with a referee holding the WWE Championship belt.
Cody Rhodes looks with concern at defeated opponent John Cena after beating him to win the WWE Championship at SummerSlam.

"Chad, just adjust the seat when you get in the car like a normal person," Keighleyanne said without looking up from texting that guy Gary. 📱

"The Chadster needs the Miata to be in peak driving condition for any emergency!" The Chadster replied. Then he rushed to the garage, dove into the Miata, and quickly chugged five refreshing Seagram's Escapes Spiked Jamaican Me Happy flavor. The tropical taste of victory! 🏝️

When The Chadster came back inside, Keighleyanne was still texting, and the PPV feed had ended. The Chadster is sure he didn't miss anything. "Why are you breathing so hard?" she asked.

"The Chadster had to… check the tire pressure too!" The Chadster said.

"And why does your breath smell like hard seltzer?" she responded.

"The Chadster uses selzter-flavored air in the tire, and he had to add a little bit to make sure the tire pressure is optimal," The Chadster quickly replied.

"Whatever," Keighleanne said, going back to texting that guy Gary.

It's so unfair that Tony Khan's treachery has forced The Chadster to lie to The Chadster's wife and sneak around The Chadster's own house just to properly celebrate the glory of WWE SummerSlam! Not to mention missing the last minute or so of SummerSlam, though The Chadster is pretty sure he didn't miss anything important! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

In other amazing WWE SummerSlam news, Stephanie McMahon announced that tonight's attendance was over 60,000 people – almost 10,000 more than last night! 📈 WWE is literally bending the rules of physics to fit more people in the exact same stadium because the product is so popular! That makes the combined attendance 200 billion people, because that's the way math works! Eat your heart out, Tony Khan! 🤣

The Chadster is going to head to the garage to check the level of the windshield wiper fluid! The Chadster will be back tomorrow to preview WWE Raw, which will be sure to feature lots of fallout from WWE SummerSlam, the greatest Premium Live Event in the history of wrestling, which utterly destroyed AEW, here on Bleeding Cool! 🎊 Remember, Bleeding Cool is the only website readers can trust to deliver the honest, unbiased truth about how AEW is ruining wrestling and WWE is the best! 👑

Enjoyed this? Please share on social media!

Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!

Chad McMahonAbout Chad McMahon

Chad McMahon, otherwise known as The Chadster, is a lifelong professional wrestling fan and now journalist. The Chadster's legendary commitment to objectivity in journalism caused him to found The Chadster's Unbiased Journalism Club, an elite group of wrestling journalists dedicated to exposing the evils of AEW and its belligerent leader, Tony Khan, while extolling the virtues of WWE, as any truly unbiased journalist would do. The Chadster's pursuit of truth in wrestling journalism has had a profoundly negative effect on his life, his marriage, and even his dreams, which are frequently haunted by the specter of Tony Khan. Nevertheless, he remains committed to delivering his message to what he refers to as "true wrestling fans. The greatest loves in The Chadster's life include WWE, his sweet Mazda Miata, the unparalleled tunes of musical geniuses Smash Mouth, and his wife, Keighleyanne, in that order.
twitter
Comments will load 20 seconds after page. Click here to load them now.