Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew, grand slam, Rampage, recaps, wrestling

Everything The Chadster Hated About AEW Rampage Grand Slam

This week, AEW gave fans everything they had. Big matches. A massive crowd. And despite it all, AEW came up short, with Dynamite losing by .01 in the ratings against The Chadster's beloved WWE Raw. It was, The Chadster can say without any hyperbole, the greatest moment in The Chadster's entire life. But despite suffering this epic defeat, Tony Khan is back to trying to ruin The Chadster's life again with AEW Rampage Grand Slam, and Bleeding Cool TV editor Ray Flook is still in cahoots with Khan, forcing The Chadster to watch and review Rampage. But The Chadster will have the last laugh, because, just like The Chadster's hero, The Ratings King of Friday Nights Baron Corbin, The Chadster is on a winning streak and nothing can bring him down.

AEW Rampage Grand Slam Review

Auuugh man, what the heck?! AEW Rampage Grand Slam kicked off with CM Punk vs. Powerhouse Hobbs, Punk's first TV match in seven years! The Chadster wasn't ready for that! Punk won the match, but Hobbs got a ton of offense in and looked good. The whole thing was totally unfair and really ruined The Chadster's great mood. Dang you, Tony Khan!

In a video, Thunder Rosa cut a promo on Jade Cargill and Nyla Rose.

Next up was Adam Cole and the Young Bucks vs. Jurassic Express and Christian Cage in a trios match. The match was non-stop action, proving that Tony Khan doesn't understand anything about the wrestling business at all. You have to pace these things slower, especially if you have two hours to kill. But there's no explaining this stuff to Tony Khan because he's obsessed with The Chadster and making The Chadster's life miserable. Cole pinned Luchasaurus for the win.

Chris Jericho and Jake Hager fought the Men of the Year next. Jericho and Hager won this one and went after Dan Lambert next, which is no surprise. Lambert speaks the truth about AEW and Tony Khan doesn't like it. It's surprising that Tony Khan hasn't sent Jericho and Hager after The Chadster by this point. But American Top Team came out of the crowd and the MMA stars took out Hager and Jericho, with Paige VanZant and Jorge Masvidal putting the finishing touch with some body shots and a knee strike on Jericho. The Inner Circle got totally destroyed here, but even more brutal was the attack on The Chadster's feelings. Why would these MMA stars want to get involved with AEW when WWE is right there?! It's unfair collusion and The Chadster absolutely hated every second of it. Auuughh man!

The Lucha Brothers and Santana and Ortiz faced off against Private Party and The Butcher and the Blade in an eight-man tag match. It was another action-packed match, with Orange Cassidy getting involved to prevent Matt Hardy from trimming anyone hair. Personally, The Chadster thinks that AEW should only be allowed to have one absolutely banger of a match per show. Anything more than that is just totally unfair and disrespectful to WWE and everything that Vince McMahon has done for the wrestling business. Santana, Ortiz, and the Lucha Brothers got the win, but it was The Chadster who lost by having to watch this match. Thanks a lot, Ray Flook.

Big Money Matt Hardy challenged Orange Cassidy to a hair vs. hair match… with Jack Evans. Evans didn't seem happy about it.

Sammy Guevara and Fuego del Sol tried to do the cue card thing, but Miro attacked and yeeted del Sol off the stage and through a table then put Game Over on Guevara. The pain of Miro signing with AEW is still raw for The Chadster and probably will be for a long time, but if AEW would at least book him less strongly, it would make it easier or The Chadster to deal with. But that wouldn't fit with Tony Khan's plans to ruin The Chadster's life and ensure The Chadster remains permanently sexually impotent, would it?

Andrade challenged Pac to a match with no interference.

Anna Jay took on Penelope Ford, but just like Tony Khan refuses to fight fair in the ratings war with WWE, Ford refused to fight fair, getting brass knuckles from The Bunny and hitting Anna Jay when the ref wasn't looking. That's a total Tony Khan move, Penelope. Tay Conti came out for the save but got knocked out too. The rest of the Hardy Family Office came out to gloat. Orange Cassidy and Kris Statlander came out but stopped at the top of the ramp. Then The Dark Oder came out and saved Jay and Conti. But the unity didn't last long as Evil Uno and Stu Grayson walked out on their teammates. Well sure, because you can't rely on anyone in AEW to do the right thing.

Mark Henry informed the viewers that it was time for the main event of AEW Rampage Grand Slam. Lance Archer and Minoru Suzuki faced Jon Moxley and Eddie Kingston in a lights out match. Violence ensued, and Homicide ended up making an appearance, helping Eddie Kingston, who put a garbage can on Archer's head and beat him repeatedly with a kendo stick to get the win. When Homicide showed up, The Chadster literally spit out his White Claw seltzer, so Tony Khan owes The Chadster another six-pack.

It's very fitting that Homicide would show up on AEW Rampage Grand Slam when Tony Khan has spent the last two years murdering The Chadster's sexual potency. The Chadster has to admit, AEW Rampage Grand Slam wasn't as devastating as Dynamite, mostly because The Chadster already knew that WWE's status as ratings kings of the week was already ensured. But that doesn't mean it isn't still disrespectful of Tony Khan to put out crowd-pleasing, logically-booked wrestling shows every week, throwing it in WWE's face and basically ruining The Chadster's marriage. Hopefully AEW tones things down now that Grand Slam is over, but The Chadster won't count on it considering Tony Khan's track record. It's so unfair!

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