Goldberg Wants Roman Reigns in the Ring; Will his Sphincter Allow It?

Former WWE and WCW Champion Bill Goldberg has called out current WWE Universal Champion Roman Reigns. The two were originally supposed to face off at WrestleMania earlier this year, but the coronavirus pandemic interrupted those plans. Now that Roman has returned to the ring, Goldberg is looking to finally settle the score, according to comments made on WWE's The Bump podcast.

Goldberg wants a piece of Roman Reigns... but he has to stop pooping first.
Goldberg wants a piece of Roman Reigns… but he has to stop pooping first.

"I would say that that is one of the most mild understatement that I have ever heard," Goldberg said when asked if he still has unfinished business with The Tribal Chief. "He backed out on me at WrestleMania. He stole my move; god knows how long ago, and he continues to perform it at subpar level. Let's be perfectly honest. I'm the dude that delivers the spear, and I don't think he understands what it's like until I deliver one to him. So, Roman, it's coming, and I'm coming for you. I may be old. I may be gray. But I'm still Goldberg."

Of course, getting into ring shape is no simple matter for Goldberg. Sure, Goldberg will need to undergo all the training and physical conditioning that any athlete does, and yes, it gets more difficult the older you are. But Goldberg must also contend with an extreme increase in the number of times he has to poop.

"I am nothing but a machine now," Goldberg explained in an interview in 2017. "I get up in the morning. I eat. I train. I eat. I go to the bathroom about 20 times intermittently throughout the day because I'm shoving 15 to 20,000 calories in my body, and it doesn't know what's going on. At 50 years old, it has no idea."

The very short time Goldberg's body can go between poops certainly explains how short his matches are. And Goldberg is three years older now, so who knows how often he must poop? Does Roman Reigns have the guts to step into the ring with a man who, statistically speaking, will probably have to "go" while they're going at it? We may soon find out… if Goldberg can get out of the bathroom.

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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