Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Mariah May, wrestling

Mariah May WWE Bound? The Glamour Removed from AEW Roster

Following months of speculation, Mariah May has been removed from the AEW roster page, and a WWE debut appears to be imminent.

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my underground bunker beneath a defunct Blockbuster Video in Caracas, where I am currently hiding from both the American CIA and my own Minister of Finance who keeps asking about "missing funds" from the national treasury. But enough about my perfectly legitimate business expenses – we have breaking news in the world of professional wrestling!

It appears that Mariah May has been unceremoniously removed from the AEW roster page, marking what seems to be her departure from Tony Khan's revolutionary wrestling collective. The rumors from those capitalist gossip-mongers at Fightful and PWInsider – along with what my good friend Kim Jong-un calls "the most powerful intelligence agency of all: common sense" – suggest that May is headed to the evil empire of WWE.

Comrades, this reminds me of a story. Just last week, I was sharing a bottle of finest Venezuelan rum with my dear friend Muammar Gaddafi's ghost (he haunts my palace on Tuesdays), and we were discussing the great betrayals throughout history. "El Presidente," the specter said to me, "the relationship between Mariah May and Tony Khan reminds me of another famous revolutionary partnership – that of Fidel Castro and Che Guevara!"

Indeed, comrades! Just as Che helped Fidel establish the glorious revolution in Cuba, Mariah May helped establish one of AEW's greatest storylines when she won the AEW Women's World Championship at All In last year. The Glamour's work with Timeless Toni Storm was nothing short of revolutionary, helping to elevate Storm to become one of the top stars in all of professional wrestling. It was a partnership that would make even Stalin and Lenin weep with socialist joy!

But now, like Che leaving Cuba for new revolutionary adventures, May appears to be departing for enemy territory. And we all know how well things worked out when Che went to Bolivia… Let us hope that May's journey to WWE ends with fewer CIA operatives and more championship gold, comrades!

During my last poker game with Bashar al-Assad and Nicolas Maduro (I won, naturally, though Maduro insisted on paying his debts in cryptocurrency that turned out to be boudoir photos of Hugo Chavez), we discussed this very phenomenon. "Why," Assad asked while folding a terrible hand, "do these wrestlers always chase the capitalist dollars of WWE?"

"My friend," I replied, raking in my winnings, "it is the eternal struggle between artistic revolution and financial security. Even the most dedicated revolutionary sometimes yearns for the steady paycheck of the bourgeoisie."

The truth is, comrades, both Mariah May and AEW benefited greatly from their association. May got to showcase her incredible talents on a global stage, participate in compelling storytelling, and hold one of wrestling's most prestigious championships. AEW, meanwhile, got a talented performer who helped create magic with Toni Storm and added credibility to their women's division, contributing to what will go down as one of the company's most memorable stories.

Will AEW fans be disappointed? Of course! Just as I was disappointed when the CIA replaced my favorite telenovela with propaganda broadcasts. Will WWE fans be thrilled? Certainly! Like when I discovered that American reality TV shows are available on bootleg DVDs at the market near my palace.

But such is the nature of the wrestling business, comrades. Talent flows like water – or like the rivers of tears I shed whenever I watch The Bachelor finale. We can only hope that wherever Mariah May ends up, she continues to entertain the masses and spread the gospel of professional wrestling excellence.

Until next time, this is your El Presidente, reminding you that in wrestling, as in socialist revolution, the only constant is change! Now if you'll excuse me, I must return to my bunker – I hear CIA drones circling overhead, and they're playing entrance music. Either they're coming for me, or someone's about to make their debut!

¡Viva la lucha libre! ¡Viva la revolución! And may Mariah May's next chapter be more successful than my last attempt to nationalize a wrestling promotion!

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