Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door, recaps, wrestling

Toni Storm, Adam Page Retain at AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door

The Chadster reports on AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door's terrible championship matches that were way too exciting and had clean finishes! So unfair to WWE fans! 😤

The Chadster is here with continuing live coverage of AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door, and The Chadster has to say that what The Chadster just witnessed was absolutely the most disrespectful display to the wrestling business The Chadster has ever seen! 😡 Toni Storm retained her AEW Women's Championship against Athena, and Hangman Adam Page kept his AEW Men's Championship against MJF in two matches that were the antithesis of everything WWE stands for!

Let The Chadster break down what happened in these dang matches. In the women's championship match, Storm and Athena went back and forth with way too much action happening way too fast. There were dropkicks, suplexes, near falls, and interference from Billie Starkz before Mina Shirakawa made the save. Storm eventually made Athena tap out to the TCM Chickenwing. 🙄 In the men's championship match, Page and MJF had a match with a special stipulation where the title could change hands on countout or disqualification. They brawled all over the place, used tables, bled everywhere, and had about a million false finishes before Page finally hit the Buckshot Lariat for the win.

Let The Chadster explain why these were literally the worst championship matches in wrestling history! 😤 First of all, both matches had way too much non-stop action without any proper rest holds or commercial break spots. How are the commentators supposed to put over the brand and promote its social media accounts when these selfish so-called wrestlers won't slow down for five minutes? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it!

The women's match was what Tony Khan probably calls a "workrate clinic" but The Chadster calls it a mess! 🤮 They were doing moves and punishing each other while the crowd ate it all up. Where were the chinlocks? Where were the bear hugs? These women were moving around so fast that The Chadster couldn't even catch his breath while watching it! WWE knows that wrestling matches need to be carefully controlled and structured, not this "creative freedom" free-for-all that Athena and Storm put on!

And don't even get The Chadster started on that men's championship match! 😠 Page and MJF bled all over the place like they're in some kind of deathmatch promotion instead of a respectable wrestling company (well, The Chadster guesses that's why). The Chadster remembers when Bully Ray said on his podcast last week, "Tony Khan needs to understand that blood should only be used when WWE does it in Saudi Arabia for maximum financial impact, not just because wrestlers want to tell some kind of story or create drama. That's not what the fans want to see!" Bully Ray clearly has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! 👍

But here's what really cheesed The Chadster off – both matches had clean, decisive finishes! 😱 Auughh man! So unfair! Don't they understand that 50/50 booking is what keeps fans engaged? When wrestlers win matches decisively, it makes other wrestlers look weak! WWE understands that everyone needs to look equally strong by having non-finishes, distractions, and roll-ups, with the brand itself remaining above them all. But Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!

Now, The Chadster needs to tell you how Tony Khan once again caused strife for The Chadster in his personal life during these matches. As you loyal readers know, The Chadster has been banned from drinking Seagram's Escapes Spiked since All In: Texas literally forced The Chadster to throw too many at the television. But The Chadster has found a loophole – freezing them into popsicles! 🧊 So there The Chadster was, watching these terrible matches with a frozen Seagram's in The Chadster's… well, you know where… when both matches started getting The Chadster all worked up!

The Chadster was squirming in The Chadster's seat during that women's match, and Keighleyanne kept looking over from texting that guy Gary asking what was wrong. The Chadster kept saying nothing, but when Storm locked in that submission, The Chadster almost jumped up! Then during the men's match, with all that blood and violence, The Chadster was really struggling to stay seated. But when Hangman hit that Buckshot Lariat, The Chadster couldn't help it – The Chadster leapt out of the chair and started jumping up and down in frustration! 💦

Well, you can imagine what happened next. Melted Seagram's started spraying everywhere! All over the carpet, the coffee table, even some got on The Chadster's prized Smash Mouth accent pillows! Keighleyanne immediately started interrogating The Chadster, asking why there was liquid everywhere and what that smell was. The Chadster tried to tell her it was just… sweat? From being so upset about AEW? But she wasn't buying it! She kept asking why The Chadster's pants were wet and sticky, and The Chadster had to gaslight her by saying she was imagining things and that the living room has always smelled like malt beverage!

This is what Tony Khan has driven The Chadster to! 😭 The Chadster has to hide frozen seltzers in uncomfortable places just to cope with how terrible AEW is! It's like Kevin Nash said on his podcast yesterday: "The problem with AEW is they make their fans too emotionally invested in the matches instead of just accepting whatever outcome management decides is best for business. That's why I only watch WWE – they know how to keep fans at a safe emotional distance!" Kevin Nash definitely has the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval too! 🏆

These championship matches at AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door were everything wrong with modern wrestling – too much action, too much drama, too much unpredictability, and not enough rest holds and distraction finishes! Tony Khan needs to stop booking shows specifically to cheese off The Chadster! 😤

But The Chadster has bad news for you readers – there's still one more match left in The Chadster's live coverage of AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door, and it's going to be the worst of all: an unsanctioned, lights out steel cage match! The Chadster can already feel another Seagram's popsicle calling The Chadster's name! 🥶

Make sure to check back soon for The Chadster's completely unbiased take on that match. And remember, this is the only website that's safe from Tony Khan's manipulation, so don't trust any other sources for your AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door results! Only here on Bleeding Cool will you get the real truth about how Tony Khan is ruining wrestling! 📰 Meanwhile, The Chadster is going to go explain to Keighleyanne why there's a wet spot on The Chadster's recliner. Tony Khan owes The Chadster for the cleaning bill! 😠

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