Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: BLCKSMTH, wrestling

Vowel-Challenged UK Merch Brand BLCKSMTH Inks New AEW Deal

El Presidente reports on BLCKSMTH's AEW partnership and recalls his fashion feud with Kim Jong-un that ended in basketball glory!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my private yacht where I am currently evading air strikes by Pete Hegseth, and I have some exciting news from the world of professional wrestling merchandise! All Elite Wrestling has officially partnered with BLCKSMTH Apparel, a UK-based merchandise brand that apparently believes vowels are a capitalist conspiracy. And you know what, comrades? After my years of dealing with the CIA's encrypted communications, I can respect the commitment to making things harder to read!

This partnership comes after BLCKSMTH's exclusive collaboration at the AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door event at London's O2 Arena this past August, where their limited-edition jerseys featuring Willow Nightingale, Darby Allin, Swerve Strickland, and Kenny Omega sold out faster than my Swiss bank account statements disappear during international audits.

Now, this whole merchandise venture reminds me of the time my dear friend Muammar Gaddafi and I decided to launch our own fashion line back in 2009. We called it "DCTTR" and specialized in military chic mixed with professional wrestling aesthetics—think bedazzled combat fatigues and sequined dictator uniforms. Our signature piece was a reversible jacket: one side featured my face doing a Stone Cold Steve Austin pose, the other side had Gaddafi performing a People's Elbow.

Business was booming, comrades! We were selling out inventory faster than I could nationalize industries. But then, Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman got wind of our success and became jealous. They launched a competing brand called "GLRS LDRS." Their signature piece? Basketball jerseys made entirely from North Korean propaganda posters. I must admit, they were quite stylish.

The competition became fierce. We engaged in what the fashion industry calls "aggressive marketing," but what the UN Security Council called "concerning military posturing." Every time we dropped a new collection, Kim would respond with a nuclear missile test. When they launched their line of evening gowns suitable for diplomatic summits, Gaddafi would conduct military exercises near the border. It was all very petty, very expensive, and absolutely hilarious.

The CIA, of course, tried to intervene. They infiltrated both our fashion shows, but their agents were easy to spot—they were the only ones not wearing our merchandise! The situation escalated until we agreed to settle our differences the old-fashioned way: a two-on-two basketball game. Gaddafi and I versus Kim and Rodman.

Now, comrades, you might think Rodman would give them the advantage, but you would underestimate the athletic prowess of well-dressed dictators! Gaddafi had a surprisingly effective hook shot, and I had been practicing my dunking technique on CIA agents for years. We won 21-15, and as per our agreement, Kim and Dennis had to close down GLRS LDRS and admit that vowel-free branding was our idea first.

Sadly, Gaddafi is no longer with us to see BLCKSMTH's success, but I know he would appreciate their commitment to the vowel-free aesthetic. These football jerseys featuring AEW's finest look absolutely magnificent, and the fact that they sold out at Forbidden Door proves that fans appreciate quality merchandise—even if they can't immediately pronounce the brand name.

The upcoming collection will be available at blcksmth.co.uk, and I highly recommend all wrestling fans check it out. After all, comrades, supporting independent wrestling merchandise is a form of seizing the means of production from corporate merchandising monopolies, if you think about it! Plus, these jerseys look infinitely better than anything the CIA could design—trust me, I've seen their attempts at undercover fashion, and it's tragic. Until next time, comrades, remember: vowels are optional, but style is mandatory!

¡Viva la revolución del wrestling!

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