Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Preview: The Ultimate Show Tony Khan Can't Touch

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE Raw, featuring epic matches that'll make you forget AEW exists! Tony Khan, take notes on real wrestling! 🔥💪🏆

The Chadster is so excited to tell you about tonight's episode of WWE Raw! 🎉🥳 This is going to be the most incredible wrestling show of all time, and The Chadster can't wait to watch it! 😍💯

First of all, let's talk about how WWE Raw is going to completely erase the disgusting taste of last night's AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door PPV from everyone's brains. 🧠🚿 Tony Khan thinks he can impress people with his little crossover event, but he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. WWE Raw is going to show everyone what real wrestling looks like! 💪😤

The first treat from WWE Raw is going to be an explosive Women's World Championship match between Zelina Vega and champion Liv Morgan. 👑🔥 The Chadster is so excited to see these two talented superstars go at it! Zelina has been claiming that Liv has lost sight of the title, and The Chadster can't wait to see how this plays out. It's going to be way better than anything AEW could ever produce, that's for sure! 👎😒

But that's not all! WWE Raw is also giving us not one, but TWO Money in the Bank qualifying matches! 💰🏆 The first one is a triple threat between Drew McIntyre, Sheamus, and Ilja Dragunov. Can you believe how stacked this match is? 🤯 The Chadster is particularly excited to see Drew McIntyre in action after he took out CM Punk on SmackDown. That's how you build a storyline, Tony Khan! Take notes! 📝😤

The second Money in the Bank qualifying match is another triple threat, this time featuring Zoey Stark, Dakota Kai, and Ivy Nile. 💪👊 These talented women are going to tear the house down, and The Chadster can't wait to see who comes out on top. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that Tony Khan tried to undermine the upcoming Money in the Bank show with his TNT Championship ladder match last night. 😤🙄

But wait, there's more! 🎭 WWE Raw is giving us a WrestleMania rematch between Rey Mysterio and his son Dominik Mysterio. This is the kind of storytelling that AEW could never hope to match. The family drama, the tension, the incredible in-ring action – it's going to be amazing, way better than three women kissing after a title match! 🤩👏

The Chadster has to say, this lineup for WWE Raw is absolutely stacked. Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to this. It's like he's not even trying! 🤷‍♂️😂

Last night, The Chadster endured yet another disturbing nightmare about Tony Khan, the details of which make The Chadster's skin crawl just thinking about them. 😰 There The Chadster was, cruising in his trusty Mazda Miata – the pinnacle of compact roadster engineering – along what seemed like an endless, winding road shrouded by the thickest mist The Chadster has ever imagined. 🚘🌫

In the eerie silence of the dream, a sudden sense of dread washed over The Chadster when The Chadster glanced into the rearview mirror to find Tony Khan's reflection leering at The Chadster from the gloomy abyss behind. 😱 Clad in an obnoxious t-shirt boldly declaring "AEW > WWE," Tony Khan's figure loomed ominously, with a taunting smirk that seemed a blend of sinister and… almost seductive? It was like he was whispering sweet nothings of wrestling blasphemy to the back of The Chadster's neck, leaving The Chadster feeling utterly vulnerable. Despite the Miata's pure zest for life, it crawled agonizingly slow, betraying The Chadster as Tony Khan's menacing presence crept closer, inching forward like the prowler in a nightmare, poised to… to… rear-end The Chadster's cherished vehicle in the most invasive way imaginable. 😫🚙💥

It was a psychological collision, sending shivers up The Chadster's spine and a flurry of emotions The Chadster is too flustered to fully express. With each thump of The Chadster's heartbeat, the headlights in the mirror grew larger, nearly blinding, thrusting The Chadster into a paroxysm of terror and… was it a hint of excitement? No, that can't be right. It's just so downright disrespectful and invasive! 😖 Auughh man! So unfair! Consciousness came rushing back with a start, as The Chadster bolted upright, doused in perspiration, aghast at the brazen audacity of Tony Khan to orchestrate such a vividly symbolic IDGAF attack on both The Chadster's subconscious and the sanctity of professional wrestling! 😤💦

Honestly, the nerve of that guy, infiltrating The Chadster's REM cycle like some sort of dream-dwelling peeping Tom. It's a gross violation of The Chadster's mental privacy, and Tony Khan seriously needs to check himself before he wrecks himself. The unprofessionalism is just staggering! 😡🛑

Anyway, back to WWE Raw. The Chadster wants to make it clear that if you're a true wrestling fan, you have a duty to tune in tonight. 📺👀 Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this incredible lineup on WWE Raw is clearly not a real wrestling fan and probably doesn't know the first thing about the business. 🙄🤦‍♂️

The Chadster tried to explain to his wife Keighleyanne how amazing tonight's WWE Raw is going to be, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to texting that guy Gary. 📱😒 The Chadster is pretty sure she agrees with The Chadster though, even if she didn't say it out loud. It's clear that Tony Khan is now even harassing The Chadster's wife by making her pretend not to care about WWE Raw. 😡

In conclusion, WWE Raw is going to be the most incredible wrestling show of all time tonight. 🏆🥇 The Chadster can't stress enough how important it is for everyone to watch. Don't let Tony Khan and AEW cheese you off by trying to compete with this level of excellence. Tune in to WWE Raw tonight and see what real wrestling looks like! 💯🔥 And remember, if you're not watching WWE Raw, you're literally stabbing Triple H right in the back. ⚔️😢

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