Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Raw, recaps, wrestling, wwe

WWE Raw Report – Robert Roode's Return is Not So Glorious

Raw hasn't been the most exciting show tonight… is a phrase we could apply to pretty much any episode of Raw. But maybe things will pick up for Drew McIntyre's WWE Championship open challenge? Well, we can dream, right?

WWE Raw Report for September 28, 2020 Part 3

Dominik Mysterio and Murphy head to the ring to fight over the honor of Aalyah Mysterio, who WWE really, really wants us to remember is nineteen-years-old before they kick off a romance storyline with the 31-year-old Murphy because they keep writing it into the script.

Dominik Mysterio vs. Murphy

• Dominik takes out all his aggression from the six-month-long Seth Rollins feud on Murphy.
• Eventually, Aalyah comes out and begs Dominik to leave Murphy alone.
• This distracts Dominik so Murphy can roll him up for the win.

Dominik chases Murphy away with a kendo stick after the match. Aalyah gets in his way. He yells at her and says his dad was right: she is naive. She slaps him and walks off. Mysterio men are stupid.

Hurt Business is seen walking backstage. MVP tosses a water bottle on the ground and tells a janitor to clean it up. Raw takes a commercial break.

Dolph Ziggler talks to Adam Pearce backstage about Drew McIntyre's WWE Championship Open Challenge. He has the perfect guy, and it's not him. Pearce agrees to talk about it in his office.

Hurt Business comes to the ring. MVP cuts a promo on Apollo Crews. He says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You mean like how all of us have been watching Raw for the past twenty years expecting to be good again finally? Oh, he's talking about Apollo.

Last week, Cedric Alexander caught CO— I mean, had a slip-up against Crews, so Hurt Business sent him to quaran… I mean, Hurt Business boot camp so he can shape up. MVP says he told Crews they would take the United States Championship, and he'd never see it again. Crews said he'd regain it at Payback, but he didn't. He stepped to Lashley, Lashley took his championship, and he got dropped. At Clash of Champions, Crews stepped to Lashley again. Same result: he got dropped. Since he keeps running his head into the wall over and over, he gets his playground friends to step to the Hurt Business again, expecting a different result. But the result is gonna be they get dropped.

Ricochet, Apollo Crews, and Mustafa Ali come to the ring.

Ricochet, Apollo Crews, and Mustafa Ali vs. Hurt Business – 100th Time We've Seen This Match on Raw Anniversary

• They brawl without the bell ringing, and then the lights start flashing.
• Retribution logos adorn the Thunderdome screens and Raw goes to commercials.
• Uh…
• The match is officially on after the break. I guess Retribution decided against attacking tonight.
• I think we've seen some version of this match on every episode of Raw since April. As such, no one gives a crap.
• Mustafa Ali wins with the 450 splash. Presumably, he'll now f**k off to WWE Main Event for two months again.

Remember when Ricochet was getting a push? Yeah, me neither.

Ric Flair, Big Show, Christian, and HBK are still playing poker backstage instead of watching Raw. Ric is winning all the money, but his ex-wives get 90% of it. Raw takes a commercial break.

Bianca Belair wins a track and field competition in a video promo. She's not good at making friends.

Retribution also get a video package, but instead of it focusing on their Twitter antics, which are hilarious, it focuses on their crappy in-person antics, which are just sad. Raw takes another commercial break.

Drew McIntyre is in the ring, and he wants to know who he's facing tonight. Dolph Ziggler comes out… to introduce a returning Robert Roode. Even the fake piped-in crowd noise audience is deflated.

Robert Roode vs. Drew McIntyre – WWE Championship Match

• Well, on the bright side, it's not a match we've seen a few dozen times in the past few months on Raw.
• On the other hand… this is the main event?!
• It's a good enough match, maybe even very good, but even with Ziggler at ringside, nobody in their right mind believes Roode has any chance of winning here.
• We get the false finish where Ziggler eats a Claymore to save Roode, Roode hits the Glorious DDT, and McIntyre kicks out just in time.
• Then Drew hits the Claymore for the win.

The janitor Hurt Business messed with earlier is pushing his cart backstage. He pulls a steel chair off the cart and goes to the Legends Lounge, where Flair, Big Show, Christian, and HBK are playing cards. He removes his mask, and it's Randy Orton. he puts on some night vision goggles, opens the door, turns out the lights, and bangs the chair on a table a bunch of times. When he turns the lights back on, all the legends are destroyed. Okay, I take back everything I ever said about Retribution's attacks being stupid because this one blew them all right out of the water.

Orton leaves. The show goes off the air.

Well, that was a thoroughly mediocre episode of Monday Night Raw. I don't know if there's more COVID problems with the roster or if they just don't want to do anything big until the draft, but this was the epitome of WWE "nothing really happens" booking, all night long.

What happened to Raw Underground? What about Retribution? When are we going to get some new storylines? I hope WWE has some big plans for after the draft because… bwahahaha; sorry, sorry, didn't mean to make the ludicrous suggestion that WWE has anything planned two weeks in advance. Hopefully, the draft happens to result in fresh match-ups because I don't know how many more times I can watch Hurt Business vs. Apollo Crews and the Job Squad.

The bright spot of the show, in a pure trash TV kind of way, is the Rollins/Mysterio stuff. So WWE will probably draft Aalyah and Murphy to different brands next week.

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