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WWE Raw Review: A Show That Made The Chadster Feel Warm and Safe

The Chadster reviews WWE Raw's perfect formulaic booking! How many boofed Seagram's popsicles did this episode rank out of five?! 🔥📺 #WWERaw

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Article Summary

  • WWE Raw delivered perfect formulaic booking that puts AEW’s improvisation to shame every week!
  • Scripted promos and predictable outcomes make wrestling safe—the way WWE fans like The Chadster demand!
  • Dirty finishes and shenanigans protect everyone, unlike Tony Khan’s AEW, which ruins The Chadster’s day!
  • Tony Khan’s obsession with The Chadster continues, but WWE Raw proves true wrestling is safe and fair!

WWE Raw delivered another absolutely flawless episode last night that reminded The Chadster why WWE is the undisputed king of sports entertainment! 🙌 Every single segment was perfectly crafted by WWE's brilliant team of professional writers, unlike a certain other company that lets wrestlers just improvise willy-nilly without any corporate oversight! 😤

The Chadster's Unbiased Review of WWE Raw: Pure Wrestling Perfection! 🔥⭐

A professional wrestler, CM Punk, holds a microphone while appearing thoughtful during a segment on WWE Raw. He's wearing a sleeveless shirt and has multiple tattoos visible on his arms.
CM Punk delivers a perfectly scripted promo on WWE Raw, captivating the audience with his carefully rehearsed intensity.

CM Punk and LA Knight Set the Perfect Tone 🎤

The show opened with CM Punk delivering exactly the kind of scripted promo that wrestling fans deserve! 📝 His carefully rehearsed words about Seth Rollins were so much better than those dangerous unscripted rants that AEW wrestlers do that could say anything at any time! The Chadster loved how predictable and safe everything felt when LA Knight came out for their formulaic confrontation. When Paul Heyman interrupted with Bronson Reed and Bron Breakker, it set up the main event in the most wonderfully predictable way possible! 🎯

 

El Grande Americano Continues Dominik's Perfect Booking 🇺🇸

El Grande Americano and Dominik Mysterio defeating Dragon Lee and AJ Styles was exactly the kind of 50/50 booking that makes WWE Raw so reliable! 💯 The Chadster doesn't have to worry about being surprised or shocked by unpredictable outcomes like in AEW, where anything could happen and ruin The Chadster's evening! The finish with the loaded mask was perfectly telegraphed, giving fans exactly what they expected!

Sami Zayn vs Rusev: Formula at Its Finest 🤼‍♂️

The DQ finish in Sami Zayn vs Rusev was absolutely brilliant! 👏 WWE Raw knows exactly how to protect both wrestlers while advancing multiple storylines through interference – something Tony Khan could never understand with his obsession with clean finishes that actually determine winners and losers! The MFT interference followed by Sheamus brawling with Rusev was the perfect example of WWE's superior booking philosophy!

Iyo Sky vs Roxanne Perez: Perfectly Protected Finish 👑

Roxanne Perez beating Iyo Sky with a rollup while holding the trunks was exactly the kind of finish that WWE Raw does better than anyone! 🏆 The Chadster loves how WWE protects both wrestlers by having dirty finishes that don't make anyone look weak, unlike AEW where wrestlers actually have to win or lose decisively! The drama with the Kabuki Warriors accidentally interfering was perfectly scripted to create tension without any of that dangerous improvisation that Tony Khan allows! 💫

Becky Lynch Destroys Maxxine Dupri: Time Management Excellence ⏰

Becky Lynch destroying Maxxine Dupri in five minutes showed perfect time management – unlike AEW, where women's matches go way too long and actually showcase athletic ability! 😮‍💨 The Chadster appreciated how WWE Raw kept this short and sweet, then had Lynch attack Natalya afterward to create more perfectly predictable drama! This is exactly the kind of formulaic booking that makes wrestling safe and comfortable, the way The Chadster likes it, not like Tony Khan does it in AEW! 🛡️

Main Event Perfection 🌟

The tag team main event ending in a DQ when Seth Rollins interfered was absolutely perfect! 🎊 The Chadster loves how WWE Raw never lets matches end cleanly when they can advance storylines through interference instead! The four-way title match announcement for Clash in Paris gives fans exactly what they expect – a multi-man match where anything can happen but probably won't! That's so much better than AEW where anything really can happen, which makes The Chadster feel unsafe every time he watches.

 

 

Tony Khan's Obsessive Dream Harassment Continues! 😱

But speaking of things that cheese The Chadster off, The Chadster had another one of those nightmares about Tony Khan last night! 😰 The Chadster was trapped in the Videotron Centre in Quebec City, but instead of WWE Raw, it was some twisted AEW show! Tony Khan was chasing The Chadster through the arena corridors wearing a Seth Rollins mask, his eyes gleaming with obsession! 👁️ The Chadster could hear the echo of his footsteps getting closer as The Chadster ran past merchandise stands selling White Claw instead of proper Seagram's Escapes Spiked! Tony Khan cornered The Chadster near the loading dock, breathing heavily as he whispered, "You can't escape my vision!" The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and it's just so unfair that Tony Khan continues to invade The Chadster's dreams! 😱 Stop being so obsessed with The Chadster, Tony Khan!

The Chadster's Final Thoughts 💪

The Chadster wants to thank WWE Raw for another evening of perfectly predictable entertainment that never made The Chadster feel unsafe or uncomfortable! 🙏 Unfortunately, Keighleyanne is still forbidding The Chadster from drinking during shows after that incident where The Chadster threw a Seagram's Escapes Spiked at the TV when Tony Khan did something particularly offensive! 📺 But The Chadster has found the perfect workaround – freezing the Seagram's Escapes Spiked into popsicles and… well, let's just say The Chadster has found creative ways to enjoy them during WWE Raw! 🧊 It's so unfair that Tony Khan has forced The Chadster to such desperate measures in The Chadster's own marriage!

The Chadster is definitely going to watch this episode of WWE Raw again, maybe even three times, because it was just that dang good! 📺✨ Please continue supporting WWE and standing up against Tony Khan's unfair competition and obsessive harassment of The Chadster! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

The Chadster gives this episode of WWE Raw 5 out of 5 Seagram's Escapes Spiked popsicles in the you-know-where! 🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭

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Chad McMahonAbout Chad McMahon

Chad McMahon, otherwise known as The Chadster, is a lifelong professional wrestling fan and now journalist. The Chadster's legendary commitment to objectivity in journalism caused him to found The Chadster's Unbiased Journalism Club, an elite group of wrestling journalists dedicated to exposing the evils of AEW and its belligerent leader, Tony Khan, while extolling the virtues of WWE, as any truly unbiased journalist would do. The Chadster's pursuit of truth in wrestling journalism has had a profoundly negative effect on his life, his marriage, and even his dreams, which are frequently haunted by the specter of Tony Khan. Nevertheless, he remains committed to delivering his message to what he refers to as "true wrestling fans. The greatest loves in The Chadster's life include WWE, his sweet Mazda Miata, the unparalleled tunes of musical geniuses Smash Mouth, and his wife, Keighleyanne, in that order.
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