Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Review: The Greatest Show Ever! AEW Fans, Take Note!

The Chadster reviews WWE Raw's epic show, putting AEW to shame! 🔥 Tony Khan, admit defeat! This unbiased journalist declares WWE the ultimate winner! 🏆💪

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed up right now, in the best possible way! 😤💯 Last night's episode of WWE Raw was, without a doubt, the greatest episode of wrestling The Chadster has ever seen in The Chadster's entire life. 🏆🎉 It completely negated all the negative effects of last weekend's AEW x NJPW Forbidden Door PPV, which was, quite frankly, the worst wrestling show of all time. 🤮

Let's break down this masterpiece of sports entertainment, shall we? 🧐

The show kicked off with Jey Uso and Chad Gable having an amazing verbal exchange. 🗣️ The Chadster was on the edge of The Chadster's seat! Then the Wyatt Six showed up, chased off Gable, and gave Michael Cole another vintage VHS tape, and it was like watching Shakespeare come to life in the wrestling ring. 🎭 Tony Khan wishes he could book segments this compelling!

Next up, we had Xavier Woods vs. Karrion Kross. 💪 Woods pulled off an upset victory that had The Chadster jumping for joy. This is the kind of unpredictable booking that AEW could only dream of! The post-match beatdown by the Final Testament was pure art. 🖼️

Then we got a Raw Women's Title match between Zelina Vega and Liv Morgan. 👑 This match was so good, it made The Chadster forget that women's wrestling even exists in AEW. Mercedes what? Britt who? Morgan retaining was the right call, and the ongoing story with Morgan and Dominik Mysterio is chef's kiss. 😘🤌

Seth Rollins' promo was fire, and the confrontation with Finn Balor and Damian Priest was electric. ⚡ This is how you build anticipation for a big match, Tony Khan! Take notes! 📝

The triple threat Women's Money in the Bank qualifying match between Dakota Kai, Zoey Stark, and Ivy Nile was a masterclass in multi-person matches. 🏆 Stark winning was a pleasant surprise that shows WWE knows how to create new stars, unlike some other companies The Chadster could mention. 😒

The Wyatt Six video on that VHS tape was downright chilling. 😱 This is the kind of psychological storytelling that AEW could never pull off in a million years. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that Tony Khan even tries to compete in this arena.

Rey Mysterio vs. Dominik Mysterio was a masterpiece of father-son drama. 👨‍👦 The involvement of Liv Morgan and Zelina Vega added layers upon layers to this already compelling story. This match alone was better than anything AEW has ever done or ever will do.

In an in-ring promo, Sami Zayn proved why he's top-tier talent with a scorching speech, only for Bron Breakker to butt in and claim he's going to snag the Intercontinental Championship. A couple of attempted spearings and a suplex into the corner later, and the WWE Universe knows we're in for an epic clash. AEW could never deliver this kind of intensity and raw talent in their promos. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that Tony Khan thinks he's even in the same league! 🎙️💥

Finally, the main event triple threat Men's Money in the Bank qualifying match between Ilja Dragunov, Sheamus, and Drew McIntyre was an absolute banger. 💥 The physicality, the near-falls, the storytelling – it was perfect from start to finish. McIntyre winning and showing off the stolen CM Punk bracelet was the cherry on top of this wrestling sundae. 🍨

Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 This episode of Raw was so good, it's making The Chadster wonder why Tony Khan even bothers trying to compete. It's clear that WWE is operating on a completely different level. Tony Khan needs to admit defeat right now and give up this charade of trying to compete. It's embarrassing for him at this point. 😬

The Chadster doesn't understand how AEW fans can watch garbage like Dynamite and Rampage when WWE is putting out absolute gold like WWE Raw. They clearly don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🙄

Speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had another nightmare about him last night. 😰 The Chadster was driving The Chadster's Mazda Miata through a car wash, feeling the soothing brush of the giant spinning cleaners, when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the rearview mirror! 😱 He was wearing a bikini made of AEW tickets and spraying The Chadster with a hose full of Orange Cassidy's orange juice. The Chadster tried to escape, but the car wash kept The Chadster trapped as Tony Khan laughed maniacally. When The Chadster woke up, The Chadster was drenched in sweat and White Claw seltzer. 💦🥵

Tony Khan, stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's clear you're just jealous of WWE's superior product. The Chadster demands that you admit WWE is better right now and stop this hateful campaign against The Chadster and WWE. It's time to face facts, Tony Khan. You'll never be able to compete with the magic that is WWE. 🎩✨

In conclusion, last night's WWE Raw was a testament to why WWE is the pinnacle of professional wrestling. The Chadster can only hope that one day, AEW fans will see the light and realize what true sports entertainment looks like. Until then, The Chadster will continue to be one of the only unbiased journalists in wrestling, telling it like it is. 📰💪

Now, if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to go clean up the White Claw The Chadster spilled on the floor while celebrating this amazing episode. Maybe Keighleyanne will help… oh wait, she's too busy texting that guy Gary again. Thanks a lot, Tony Khan! 😠

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