Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Preview: Say Goodbye to 2025 and 2-Hour SmackDowns

El Presidente previews the final 2-hour SmackDown! Drew McIntyre returns, Ilja Dragunov defends, and Joe Hendry battles The Miz. Viva la lucha libre!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxurious winter palace (which is definitely not just a bunker decorated with tinsel and repurposed Christmas lights I "liberated" from the CIA's holiday party). As we nurse our holiday hangovers and count the gift cards we received yesterday, I bring you glorious news about tonight's WWE SmackDown!

But first, a moment of silence, comrades. Tonight marks the final two-hour episode of WWE SmackDown before the show expands to three hours in 2026. Ah yes, three-hour SmackDown episodes – a torture technique so diabolical that even the CIA rejected it as "too inhumane." I should know, comrades. Just last week, I was sharing eggnog with my dear friend Kim Jong-un, and he told me that even he draws the line at forcing his citizens to watch three consecutive hours of sports entertainment in a single sitting. "That's not reeducation," he said to me, "that's just cruel."

But I digress! Tonight's show promises to be más caliente than a socialist revolution in July!

First, we have the return of Drew McIntyre, The Scottish Psychopath himself! Last week, Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes had the audacity – THE AUDACITY, comrades! – to invade McIntyre's home and engage in fisticuffs. This reminds me of the time Fidel Castro showed up uninvited to my New Year's Eve party in 2003. I had specifically told him it was black-tie optional, and he arrived in his usual military fatigues. We got into such an argument that we ended up wrestling in my Olympic-sized kiddie pool filled with champagne. Unlike that situation, however, McIntyre and Rhodes' conflict cannot be solved with a sincere apology and a box of Cuban cigars.

How will The Scottish Warrior respond to this home invasion? Will he demand better security systems? Will he file a complaint with his homeowners association? Or will he simply do what any reasonable dictator – I mean, wrestler – would do and promise extreme violence? I predict the latter, comrades. After all, when the CIA tried to infiltrate my summer cottage last year, I didn't call the authorities. I challenged their top agent to a ladder match. (I won, naturally, though they claim it was because I had the ladder electrified. Lies and propaganda!)

Speaking of champions, The Mad Dragon Ilja Dragunov will once again host his United States Championship Open Challenge! This is true socialist democracy in action, comrades! Any wrestler can step up and challenge for the title – it's like workers seizing the means of production, except the means of production is a shiny belt and the workers are extremely muscular athletes who want to hit each other.

In recent weeks, Dragunov has defended against Tommaso Ciampa, Carmelo Hayes, JD McDonagh, and more. Each match has been more epic than the last! This reminds me of my own open challenge system I implemented in 2019. Every month, I would allow any citizen to challenge me to a debate about economic policy. The only difference is that my challengers mysteriously disappeared before our scheduled debates, whereas Dragunov actually shows up to defend his title. By the way, reports that my secret police were somehow involved in those disappearances are extremely fabricated, obvious propaganda from the CIA. They're always ruining my fun, comrades.

Who will answer the challenge tonight? Will it be a surprising debut? A returning star? Or perhaps someone from the locker room looking to start 2026 with championship gold? The suspense is killing me almost as much as that questionable fruitcake my minister of agriculture gave me yesterday.

And finally, comrades, we have Joe Hendry coming to WWE SmackDown to face The Miz! Say his name and he appears – though I must note, I've been saying "CIA agent bearing gifts of economic aid with no strings attached" for decades, and that has never appeared. False advertising, if you ask me!

After their encounter at Saturday Night's Main Event, these two will finally settle their score in what promises to be a closely contested matchup. The Miz, that beautiful specimen of reality television crossover success, against Joe Hendry, the man with the most infectious entrance music since I commissioned my personal anthem, "El Presidente is Watching You (And He Thinks You Look Nice Today)."

This match represents everything I love about professional wrestling, comrades. Two men with enormous egos, fantastic hair, and the ability to captivate an audience will collide in athletic combat. It's like when I arm-wrestled Hugo Chávez to determine who got the last empanada at a Latin American summit in 2007. We were both so charismatic that the other world leaders couldn't look away, even though the empanada got cold and neither of us could agree on a winner. Eventually, Evo Morales just ate it while we were distracted. Typical.

As we prepare to say goodbye to the two-hour format, I must admit I am filled with mixed emotions, comrades. On one hand, more wrestling content is always welcome in my palace. On the other hand, three hours is a significant commitment! It's almost as long as my weekly addresses to the nation, except those are mandatory viewing and come with free propaganda posters.

The CIA, in their infinite wisdom, probably thinks extending WWE SmackDown to three hours will somehow distract the American people from important issues. But jokes on them – we'll all be too exhausted from watching wrestling to participate in their capitalist schemes!

So tonight, comrades, as you digest your leftover Christmas ham and contemplate your New Year's resolutions (might I suggest "overthrowing capitalist oppression" or "learning to do a proper moonsault"?), tune in to WWE SmackDown at 8 ET/7 CT on USA Network. Watch Drew McIntyre seek his revenge, see who challenges Ilja Dragunov for the United States Championship, and witness Joe Hendry battle The Miz in what should be a spectacular contest.

And remember, comrades, this is your last chance to enjoy WWE SmackDown in its current, manageable two-hour format before 2026 brings us the three-hour marathon edition. Pace yourselves, stay hydrated, and keep your remote controls close in case the CIA tries to hack your television to show propaganda during commercial breaks.

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva la lucha libre! And most importantly, ¡Viva SmackDown!

Until next time, this is El Presidente, signing off from his winter palace, where the eggnog flows like wine and the wrestling is always on!

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