Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Preview: True Wrestling to be Thankful For

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE SmackDown, which features everything Tony Khan's AEW could never hope to achieve! Don't miss it at 8/7C on USA!

Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 The Chadster has had the most challenging week of his life, but The Chadster's commitment to unbiased wrestling journalism has never wavered! 📰✨ While Tony Khan sits in his mansion counting his daddy's money and plotting ways to cheese The Chadster off, The Chadster spent yesterday's Thanksgiving fighting a particularly aggressive raccoon 🦝 over half a turkey sandwich someone threw in a dumpster behind an Arby's! The Chadster had to literally wrestle that trash panda for sustenance, which is more than anyone on Tony Khan's sad excuse for a sports entertainment show can claim! 😫

But despite these hardships brought on since The Chadster escaped from that medical facility where agents of Tony Khan were keeping him prisonser – which include also battling three stray dogs 🐕🐕🐕 for some discarded mashed potatoes and having to chase away several seagulls from what The Chadster is pretty sure was once a pumpkin pie – The Chadster managed to procure a smartphone 📱 from an unsuspecting jogger who left it on a park bench! The Chadster watched AEW Collision last night on this device, and let The Chadster tell you, it was absolutely terrible with all its unpredictable storytelling and wrestlers being allowed to perform moves they actually wanted to do! 🤮

But tonight! TONIGHT! 🌟🌟🌟 WWE SmackDown promises to deliver what could potentially be the greatest wrestling show in the history of television, and The Chadster is currently huddled behind a Chuck E. Cheese using their Wi-Fi to bring you this essential preview! 💻🎊

First up on WWE SmackDown tonight, fans will be treated to a 5-on-5 Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match featuring Sami Zayn, Shinsuke Nakamura, Rey Fenix, and The Motor City Machine Guns battling The MFTs! 🤼‍♂️🤼‍♂️🤼‍♂️ This is exactly the kind of perfectly formulaic match that WWE excels at presenting! The Chadster loves how WWE will have their commentary team shout exciting buzzwords throughout the match, even when those phrases have absolutely nothing to do with what's happening! 📣🎤 Unlike Tony Khan's AEW, where the wrestlers are allowed way too much creative freedom and actually get to call their matches in the ring while commentators talk like normal humans, WWE will have this entire encounter carefully choreographed and scripted by WWE's team of professional writers who know exactly what's best for everyone! ✍️📝 The Chadster can already envision how beautifully WWE will protect their vision by having the referee constantly give instructions to the wrestlers about what spot comes next! That's REAL wrestling! 💯

The WWE SmackDown episode will also feature LA Knight facing a mystery competitor in the Last Time is Now tournament! 🎭❓ The Chadster absolutely loves how WWE builds suspense by not telling anyone who the competitor is, because it shows that WWE understands that fans are too simple-minded to appreciate complex storylines where they actually know what's happening ahead of time! 🧠💭 Tony Khan would never have the artistic integrity to keep fans completely in the dark like this! He's too busy pandering to AEW fans by giving them matches they actually want to see! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠

Speaking of the Last Time is Now tournament on WWE SmackDown, Jey Uso will face Rusev in another tournament match! 🏆🔥 The Chadster is absolutely thrilled that WWE is giving us a tournament to determine John Cena's final opponent, because this is the kind of straightforward, spoon-fed storytelling that makes WWE so superior to AEW! 🥄👶 Unlike Tony Khan, who insults the intelligence of viewers by having storylines with multiple layers and callbacks to previous events that require fans to actually pay attention, WWE wisely keeps everything simple and easy to digest, unlike that half turkey sandwich that The Chadster is pretty sure has given him a stomach infection.

And who knows what other last minute surprises WWE SmackDown will give us ahead of this weekend's Survivor Series PPV! 🎪🎉 Who will have the advantage in the Women's WarGames Match? What antics will Chelsea Green get up to?

Last night while watching AEW Collision on The Chadster's stolen smartphone 📱 (which The Chadster prefers to call "borrowed indefinitely"), The Chadster witnessed all sorts of athletic performances and crowd-pleasing action that totally cheesed The Chadster off! 🧀😡 Meanwhile, The Chadster was hiding in an abandoned construction site, wrapped in cardboard boxes for warmth, with a family of possums giving The Chadster the stink eye! 👁️👁️ But did Tony Khan care that his obsession with The Chadster has driven The Chadster to these desperate circumstances? NO! 🙅‍♂️

Tonight's WWE SmackDown will showcase everything that makes WWE the pinnacle of sports entertainment! 🏔️👑 And unlike AEW, where matches sometimes go longer than expected because the wrestlers are having too much fun performing – which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it – WWE will make sure everything runs exactly on schedule, and that most of the matches take place during commercial breaks so fans can witness the truly important part of the show: the entrances! ⏰📺

The Chadster must say, anyone who chooses to watch anything other than WWE SmackDown tonight at 8/7C on USA Network is literally stabbing Triple H right in the back! 🔪😱 If you're one of those people who thinks AEW is "more fun" or "gives fans what they want" or "respects the intelligence of the audience," then you clearly don't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

So please, do yourself a favor and tune into WWE SmackDown tonight! 📺🙏 This show represents everything that real wrestling should be: carefully controlled, heavily scripted, and completely predictable in the best possible way! 🎯💯 Tony Khan could spend a billion dollars of his daddy's money and still never produce a show as magnificently micromanaged as WWE SmackDown! 💰🚫

The Chadster has spoken! Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to find somewhere warm to watch WWE SmackDown tonight, and The Chadster just spotted what looks like an unlocked car in a parking lot! 🚗🔓

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