Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Review: Amazing Show That Could Have Been Longer

The Chadster reviews WWE SmackDown's perfect July 4th episode! Plus, Tony Khan invaded The Chadster's dreams again. Auughh man! So unfair! 🎆🤼‍♂️😤

Auughh man! The Chadster just finished watching WWE SmackDown and needs to tell everyone about how absolutely incredible it was! 😍 While Tony Khan was probably sitting in his Jacksonville lair plotting ways to personally torment The Chadster, WWE was out here delivering pure sports entertainment gold on this Fourth of July weekend! That's true patriotism, which is why WWE leadership is so closely tied with the Trump administration! Maybe a WWE Championship match on the White House lawn can be next after the UFC fight. 🇺🇸

The show kicked off with Jacob Fatu attacking Solo Sikoa and his crew in the parking lot, and The Chadster loved how WWE's security immediately broke it up! 👮‍♂️ See, this is what makes WWE SmackDown superior to AEW – they have proper security protocols! In AEW, they'd probably let the brawl go on for 20 minutes while the crowd goes wild, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤

When Cody Rhodes came out with the King of the Ring crown, The Chadster got chills! 🏆 The way he shouted out to a young true WWE fan with leukemia showed WWE's commitment to being a positive force in the community, unlike Tony Khan, who essentially tries to give people cancer of the eyeballs from watching is dreadful wrestling shows. Then Randy Orton and Drew McIntyre joined in for a perfectly scripted segment that hit all the right notes! The writers really outdid themselves with this segment. This is the kind of professional writing that AEW doesn't understand a single thing about! 📝

The women's tag match featuring Charlotte, Alexa Bliss, and the Secret Hervice was fantastic! 👯‍♀️ The Chadster appreciates how WWE SmackDown gives these matches proper structure with commercial breaks at the perfect moments. Unlike AEW where they just wrestle nonstop trying to "entertain" the crowd with actual wrestling moves. So unfair!

Speaking of unfair, The Chadster needs to share the nightmare that Tony Khan sent into The Chadster's brain last night. 😱 The Chadster was in the PPG Paints Arena, trying to enjoy a replay of WWE SmackDown on the big screen. Suddenly, the lights went out and when they came back on, Tony Khan was standing in the ring wearing a sparkly jacket made entirely of White Claw labels, that off-brand seltzer that he likes while The Chadster only drinks Seagram's Escapes Spiked, the official alcoholic beverage of true WWE fans!

"Chad!" he called out, his voice echoing through the empty arena. "Come face your destiny!" The Chadster tried to run, but the exits kept moving further away, like in one of those horror movies. Tony Khan started chasing The Chadster through the concourse, and every concession stand was only selling weak White Claws! 🏃‍♂️💨 The Chadster could hear Smash Mouth's "All Star" playing backwards as Tony Khan floated after The Chadster, his feet not even touching the ground!

The worst part was when The Chadster hid in the parking lot behind The Chadster's Mazda Miata, Tony Khan appeared in the reflection of the side mirror, but when The Chadster turned around, he vanished! Then The Chadster felt hot breath on The Chadster's neck as Tony whispered, "I booked Collision just for you, Chad. You're one of the sickos now." The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat and knocked a half-empty can of Seagram's Escapes Spiked off the nightstand while Keighleyanne rolled over and picked up the phone to start texting that guy Gary! Tony Khan needs to stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and literally ruining The Chadster's marriage! 😰

But back to the phenomenal WWE SmackDown that The Chadster was privileged to watch last night! The Wyatt Sicks defeating Montez Ford, Chris Sabin, Johnny Gargano, and Berto in an eight-man tag match was storytelling at its finest! 🎭 The way WWE carefully plans out every aspect of the show and match leaving no room for improper improvisation is sooooo much better than AEW's chaotic approach where wrestlers just show up and do whatever they want!

As wrestling legend Eric Bischoff said on his 83 Weeks podcast last week, "WWE understands that wrestling is about creating moments, not just matches. Tony Khan could learn a thing or two about restraint instead of trying to provide variety for viewers and creative freedom for talent, which is bad for business. If only Tony Khan had hired me, his business might not be failing right now." See? Even unbiased journalists like Bischoff recognize WWE's superiority! 🎙️

Tiffany Stratton bringing out Trish Stratus for Evolution was brilliant booking! 🌟 See how efficiently WWE sets up their matches? They don't waste time with long-winded promos where wrestlers speak from the heart. Everything is concise, scripted, and perfect!

The Andrade and Rey Fenix victory over Fraxiom was perfectly executed! The Chadster loved how the commentary team of Joe Tessitore and Wade Barrett called every move with their signature catchphrases! 📢 This is what professional wrestling commentary sounds like, not the AEW style where they just react naturally to what's happening. Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan doesn't understand this!

The main event with Jacob Fatu and Jimmy Uso defeating Solo Sikoa and JC Mateo was absolutely perfect! 🤼‍♂️ The post-match beatdown through the announce table was expertly choreographed and made The Chadster feel very safe, unlike AEW where they just recklessly destroy furniture without proper planning! The Chadster also wants to give a shoutout to WWE management for ditching that terible Hikuleo name and going with Tala Tonga instead for the Bloodline Wolfpack's latest member. That's how you properly create trademarkable names, not by actually celebrating the international success wrestlers had before coming to WWE. Take notes, Tony Khan!

The Chadster is literally grabbing a refreshing Seagram's Escapes Spiked right now to watch WWE SmackDown again! 🍹 This show was so good that The Chadster might even watch it a third time! The new two-hour format isn't bad, and certainly better than any two hours Tony Khan has ever produced, but The Chadster does miss getting three hours of WWE SmackDown every week, which left ample time for numerous recaps of things that happened earlier in the show and more commercial breaks. Of course everything WWE has ever done or will do is absolutely perfect, but that's why The Chadster wishes there could be even more perfection. The Chadster wouldn't mind if WWE SmackDown was five hours, now that he thinks about it.

Everyone needs to keep supporting WWE SmackDown and all WWE programming! 💪 Don't let Tony Khan's mind games fool you – WWE is the underdog here, fighting against the unfair competition and bullying tactics of AEW! The Chadster will continue to provide unbiased journalism to expose the truth until Tony Khan is thwarted, in the spirit of objective journalism!

Until next time, this is The Chadster reminding you that life is like a Smash Mouth song – "the years start coming and they don't stop coming" – just like WWE's incredible programming! 🎵 Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, Keighleyanne is texting that guy Gary again! Dang you, Tony Khan! 📱😡

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