Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Review: Wrestling Done the Right Way Unlike AEW

The Chadster reviews WWE SmackDown's perfect formulaic booking! Plus, Tony Khan invades The Chadster's dreams again. So unfair! #CancelKeighleyanne

The Chadster just finished watching WWE SmackDown and wow, what an absolutely flawless display of sports entertainment the way it's meant to be! 😍 The Chadster was so overwhelmed by the brilliance that The Chadster had to wrap a belt around The Chadster's neck extra tight just to handle all that perfection flowing through the screen. Nothing enhances WWE SmackDown quite like cutting off the oxygen to The Chadster's brain! 🧠💫

Let's start with Cody Rhodes and Randy Orton facing The Vision in the main event. The Chadster absolutely loved how Seth Rollins interfered to cost them the match! 👏 That's exactly the kind of reliable, predictable finish that makes The Chadster feel safe and secure. Unlike Tony Khan's chaotic AEW where anything could happen (Auughh man! So unfair!), WWE gives us the comfort of knowing exactly when someone's going to run in for a distraction finish. The Chadster could practically set The Chadster's watch to it! The way Bronson Reed hit that Tsunami for the win after the interference was poetry in motion – formulaic, predictable poetry that The Chadster can recite in The Chadster's sleep! 😴

The US Title match between Sami Zayn and Aleister Black was another masterclass in WWE's signature 50/50 booking! 🏆 The Chadster loved how Damian Priest ran in to cause the distraction that led to Zayn retaining. See, this is what Tony Khan doesn't understand about the wrestling business – you need those commercial breaks right in the middle of the action, twice per match! It builds suspense when you come back and nothing important has happened! The way WWE SmackDown went to break and came back multiple times during this match was absolutely brilliant. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it when AEW tries to show entire matches without interruption! 😤

The tag match between Sol Ruca/Zaria and Chelsea Green/Alba Fyre was exactly the kind of short, sweet match that WWE does best! 💅 At under five minutes, it was the perfect length – none of that exhausting 20-minute women's wrestling that Tony Khan tries to push! The Chadster loved how Sol Ruca won with the Sol Snatcher after shrugging off offense like nothing happened. That's the WWE style The Chadster loves – no selling moves to get to the finish quickly! It ensures we can fit in more commercial breaks and backstage segments, and more importantly recaps of promos and backstage segments from earlier in the night! The way WWE SmackDown keeps these matches brief and inconsequential is exactly what the wrestling business needs! 🎯

And how about Je'Von Evans and Rey Fenix defeating Los Garza? 🤼 The Chadster appreciated how WWE had Fenix hit the MMB for the win after the requisite commercial break right in the middle! See, this is proper tag team wrestling – not like AEW where they have all those unnecessary flips and dives that actually connect! The way WWE carefully choreographs every move to look exactly the same every week provides the consistency that real wrestling fans crave! Tony Khan didn't know how to use Fenix correctly, but luckily he's now learning to wrestle the right way thanks to WWE's superior training. Plus, The Chadster loved how they kept it to a reasonable ten minutes – any longer would risk actually telling a story, and we can't have that!

Speaking of perfection, The Chadster needs to mention how amazing Michael Cole and Booker T were on commentary! 🎙️ The way they shouted "OH MY!" and "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!" when completely predictable things happened was music to The Chadster's ears! Unlike AEW's commentary that tries to call moves and tell stories (ugh!), WWE's announce team knows their job is to yell catchphrases and act shocked by run-ins we all saw coming a mile away!

The contract signing between Tiffany Stratton and Stephanie Vaquer was textbook WWE brilliance! 📝 Of course it ended in a brawl – every contract signing does! That's the beauty of WWE SmackDown – you know exactly what you're getting every single week. The Chadster doesn't want surprises or compelling storytelling like Tony Khan tries to force on people. The Chadster wants The Chadster's weekly dose of formulaic sports entertainment, delivered by professionally scripted promos that sound exactly the same every week!

Kevin Nash said it best on his podcast this week: "WWE's predictability is actually its greatest strength. When I watch SmackDown, I know I'm getting the exact same show format I got last week, and the week before that. Tony Khan could learn a thing or two about consistency instead of trying to pop ratings with actual wrestling matches that go longer than eight minutes." See? That's what The Chadster calls unbiased journalism! Nash gets the Chad McMahon Seal of Approval for Objective Wrestling Analysis! 🏅

But speaking of Tony Khan, The Chadster had the most disturbing nightmare after watching WWE SmackDown last night. 😰 In the dream, The Chadster was in the Heritage Bank Center in Cincinnati, sitting in the crowd watching WWE SmackDown. But every time there was a commercial break, Tony Khan would appear in the ring, wearing nothing but Seth Rollins' vest and tights. He'd beckon to The Chadster with one finger, his eyes glowing red like the arena lights. The Chadster tried to run, but The Chadster's feet were stuck to the floor with what looked like White Claw seltzer that had turned to glue.

Tony Khan kept getting closer, doing Randy Orton's pose on the turnbuckles, his muscles glistening under the lights in a way that made The Chadster very uncomfortable. Then suddenly, The Chadster was in the ring with him, and he was wrapping The Chadster in submission holds that felt way too intimate. "This is what real wrestling feels like," he whispered in The Chadster's ear, his breath hot against The Chadster's neck. The Chadster tried to tap out, but instead of releasing the hold, Tony Khan just held The Chadster tighter, and The Chadster could smell his cologne – it smelled like creative freedom and long-term storytelling, which made The Chadster feel dizzy and confused. 🥴

Then Paul Heyman appeared and started doing his catchphrase, but the words came out backwards and in Tony Khan's voice. The Vision surrounded us, but they all had Tony Khan's face. They started chanting "AEW! AEW!" while The Chadster was still locked in Tony Khan's embrace, unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to do anything but feel the warmth of his body pressed against The Chadster's back…

The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, and immediately complained to Keighleyanne about how Tony Khan was invading The Chadster's dreams again! She just sighed and went back to texting that guy Gary. Tony Khan is literally ruining The Chadster's marriage with these nightmares! Why is he so obsessed with The Chadster?! 😭

Anyway, The Chadster needs to go put a plastic bag over The Chadster's head and watch WWE SmackDown again because it was just that dang good! 🎉 Maybe The Chadster will even watch it a third time if The Chadster doesn't pass out first! The brain damage really helps The Chadster appreciate WWE's simple, repetitive booking patterns while forgetting all about Tony Khan's personal vendetta against The Chadster!

Remember folks, keep supporting WWE SmackDown and all of WWE's superior programming! Stand strong against Tony Khan's unfair competition and his constant bullying of The Chadster! And don't forget to use #CancelKeighleyanne on social media so The Chadster can go back to drinking Seagram's Escapes Spiked like a real adult instead of having to choke The Chadster out just to enjoy wrestling! 🍺❌

Until next time, this is The Chadster saying: WWE forever, AEW never! 💪

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