Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Review: WWE Stays on Target in Excellent Episode

The Chadster reviews WWE SmackDown from Target's electronics department! Gunther vs LA Knight delivers predictable excellence while Tony Khan haunts dreams!

The Chadster is absolutely thrilled to report that last night's WWE SmackDown from the Moody Center in Austin, Texas was exactly what professional wrestling is supposed to be! 😍🙌 The Chadster watched the entire show from his current accommodations in the electronics department of the local Target, and let The Chadster tell you, it was pure perfection! 📺✨

The Chadster is going to get into all of the details of this incredible show, but first, The Chadster needs to address his current viewing situation. After being forced to flee Walmart last week when Tony Khan's agents infiltrated the electronics department staff and tried to kick The Chadster out for simply enjoying some Seagram's Escapes Spiked while watching wrestling on their display televisions, The Chadster has relocated to Target. 🎯 The Target electronics department is vastly superior to Walmart's – they have more comfortable camping chairs in the sporting goods section that The Chadster can borrow, and their 85-inch QLED displays really make WWE SmackDown pop with vibrant colors! 😊 The Chadster has also borrowed a red polo shirt from the menswear department (The Chadster will return it eventually, probably), and now the staff seem to think The Chadster works here! 👔 They keep asking The Chadster questions about whether certain TVs are in stock, and The Chadster just nods and points in random directions. It's genius! 🧠

Now, onto the actual WWE SmackDown review! The show opened with a long recap of Survivor Series, which was absolutely perfect! 🎬 The Chadster loves how WWE never assumes that anyone actually watched their previous shows, so they recap everything in exhaustive detail. It's just so respectful to viewers who might have been doing literally anything else! Unlike AEW, which expects fans to actually pay attention and remember things, WWE understands that The Chadster's brain is too full of important thoughts about Tony Khan's persecution to remember what happened at a previous show. 🙏

The Drew McIntyre and Cody Rhodes segment was brilliantly scripted by WWE's professional writing team! 📝 The Chadster could tell that every single word Rhodes said was carefully crafted by experienced television writers, and it showed! There was absolutely zero spontaneity or unpredictability, which is exactly what wrestling should be. The Chadster felt completely safe and comfortable knowing that Rhodes was delivering his lines exactly as they were written on the script, with appropriate pauses for crowd reactions. Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan lets AEW wrestlers just say whatever they want without proper corporate oversight! 😤

The Ilja Dragunov vs. Carmelo Hayes US Title match was exactly what The Chadster expects from WWE! 🏆 Hayes challenged for the title and lost, which sets up absolutely nothing for his character going forward. The Chadster loves how WWE books their wrestlers to lose title matches without any consequences or character development, just to make sure to properly break their spirit so that they never get any funny ideas about their value and go running off to AEW for a big contract! And The Chadster loved the way Tommaso Ciampa interfered to cost Hayes the match, because viewers can confidently know that no other challenger is going to beat Dragonuv before Ciampa gets his title shot, making every match before that one utterly meaningless! It's so wonderfully predictable and formulaic! 👏 The Chadster didn't feel scared or uncertain about what might happen next even once during this match, which is the hallmark of quality sports entertainment.

The Chadster had to pause the viewing at this point because a Target employee who wasn't fooled by The Chadster's red polo shirt started asking questions about why The Chadster had set up a sleeping bag behind the television displays. 🛌 The Chadster explained that he was doing "overnight inventory" and the employee seemed suspicious, but then The Chadster pointed at a random TV and said "that one's defective" and walked away purposefully while pushing a shopping cart. Crisis averted! 🛒

LA Knight's promo before his match with Gunther was another masterclass in WWE's superior promo style! 🎤 The Chadster could tell that every single word was written down beforehand, and Knight delivered it with the exact cadence and emphasis that WWE's writers intended. The Matthew McConaughey impression was clearly focus-grouped to appeal to the Austin, Texas audience, which shows how WWE thinks of everything! Unlike Tony Khan, who probably doesn't even know who Matthew McConaughey is because he's too busy obsessing about The Chadster and watching that movie Time Cop! 😤

The Kairi Sane vs. Alexa Bliss match was textbook WWE wrestling! 👯‍♀️ Bliss won cleanly (after her ringside partner Charlotte Flair interfered to distract Sane's partner Asuka), which will definitely lead to a tag team title match that everyone can see coming from a mile away! The Chadster loves how WWE books the same matches over and over again, because it means The Chadster never has to worry about being surprised or challenged as a viewer. And then Nia Jax and Lash Legend attacked everyone after the match, which made The Chadster slightly nervous because he's not sure which team will challenge the Kabuki Warriors for the title, but then he realized WWE could make it a triple threat and he felt extremely safe again! It's beautifully circular storytelling! 🔄

At this point, The Chadster noticed that the Target was getting ready to close, so The Chadster grabbed some snacks from the grocery section (The Chadster will pay for them eventually, probably) and hid behind a display of large-screen TVs. 🍿 The Chadster has learned from experience at Walmart that if you stay very quiet and don't move around too much, the closing staff won't notice you. The Chadster brought several bottles of Seagram's Escapes Spiked from the beverage section, because even though Keighleyanne banned The Chadster from drinking them, she's not here to enforce that rule while she's texting that guy Gary! 🍹 Even still, The Chadster does miss her… almost as much as he misses his sweet Mazda Miata. But that's life on the run for an unbiased journalist for you.

The segment with Cody Rhodes, Ricky Saints, and Oba Femi was brilliant WWE cross-promotional synergy! 🌟 The Chadster loves how WWE can have Cody randomly promise title matches to NXT stars to make it look like he's raising up developmental talent even though there's no chance in hell of them winning! It's so much better than AEW's approach of actually building wrestlers up on their main show before giving them important matches where the outcome is uncertain. The Chadster also appreciates how WWE bombards viewers with 8-12 hours of content each week to make sure they're too exhausted to check out any competition or even lead normal lives. True fans only watch WWE and watch all of it! 📺📺📺

The Jade Cargill squash match of Alba Fyre was peak WWE booking! 💪 Fyre is a former tag team champion and current lackey of Chelsea Green, so naturally she should lose in under two minutes to make Cargill look strong (even though Fyre doesn't look strong in the first place so it's not so impressive Cargill could beat her anyway). The Chadster loves how WWE makes their tag team specialists look weak and unimportant! It really helps establish that tag team wrestling doesn't matter, which is the correct opinion to have. Auughh man! So unfair that AEW treats their tag team division like it's actually important! 😤

The Chadster must say, the Target camping experience is actually quite comfortable! 🏕️ The Walmart had metal shelving units that made sleeping difficult, but Target has carpeted aisles in the electronics department that provide much better cushioning. The Chadster has set up camp behind a display of soundbars, which provides excellent concealment. The only downside is that Target doesn't have as extensive a grocery section as Walmart, so The Chadster's diet has consisted mainly of popcorn, candy, and whatever The Chadster can grab from the Starbucks before the employees notice. ☕🍫 But it's worth it to have a safe space to watch WWE SmackDown without Tony Khan's agents harassing The Chadster!

The Solo Sikoa and the Wyatt Sicks segment was wonderfully overproduced! 🎭 The Chadster particularly loved how Sikoa referenced Uncle Howdy's Bo Dalls character and made him seem like a weak jobber, because now even if Sikoa beats him, it won't give Sikoa too much momentum and will ensure he never overshadows the brand. The Chadster felt absolutely no sense of danger or unpredictability during the ensuing brawl because every single punch and spot was so clearly rehearsed and planned out. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business when AEW lets things feel spontaneous and real! 😠

The backstage segment with The Miz, Bayley, and Sol Ruca was another example of WWE's superior writing! ✍️ The Chadster could tell that these three wrestlers were reading their lines from a script, and they delivered them with the appropriate lack of natural chemistry that shows they're professional actors doing a job! The Chadster loves how WWE's backstage segments feel like they're taking place in an alternate dimension where everyone talks in catchphrases and corporate-approved dialogue! It's so much better than AEW's backstage segments where wrestlers actually talk like real human beings having real conversations. That's not what wrestling should be! 🎬

The main event of WWE SmackDown featuring Gunther vs. LA Knight in the Last Time Is Now Tournament Finals was absolutely perfect! 🏆 The Chadster knew from the moment the match started that Gunther would win, because everyone has known that would happen from the moment the tournament was first announced! The Chadster didn't have to worry for even one second that Knight might actually win, because WWE has trained The Chadster to understand that guys who get over organically with the crowd will never get a real push because they dared to defy WWE's carefully orchestrated plans. 📉

The Chadster particularly loved how Knight tapped out to Gunther's crossface, which means Knight looks weak and unimportant going forward and punishes the fans for having opinions! 👎 This is brilliant booking that ensures that Knight will never get over as a main event star! Unlike Tony Khan, who actually pushes wrestlers that fans want to see and gives them wins when it matters, WWE understands that the only wrestlers who should win are the ones that Triple H personally ordained years ago! 👍

As The Chadster watched Gunther celebrate his victory on one of Target's magnificent display televisions, The Chadster heard footsteps approaching. 👣 A night security guard was making rounds! The Chadster quickly ducked behind the soundbar display and held very still, clutching The Chadster's bottle of Seagram's Escapes Spiked. The guard walked right past, but then stopped and said, "Hey, do you work here?" The Chadster realized the red polo shirt was still visible, so The Chadster stood up confidently and said, "Just doing some late night inventory checks! Somebody must have left this television on. Can't trust kids these days, right fellow Target employee?" The guard looked confused but shrugged and walked away. The Chadster is certain that Tony Khan trained that security guard to look for The Chadster, but The Chadster outsmarted him with his quick wits! 🧠💡

The post-match promo where Gunther promised to make John Cena tap out was delivered with perfect corporate precision! 🎤 The Chadster loves how WWE wrestlers always deliver their promos in the exact same cadence and tone, with carefully written lines that sound nothing like how real people actually talk! It creates a wonderful sense of artificiality that reminds viewers that wrestling is fake and that they're watching a carefully produced television product rather than an athletic competition! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business when AEW tries to blur the lines between reality and fiction! 😤

The Chadster must also praise Michael Cole and Corey Graves for their commentary throughout WWE SmackDown! 📢 The Chadster loves how Cole shouts the same catchphrases over and over again, and how both commentators pretend to be absolutely shocked by completely predictable events! When Gunther won the tournament, Cole screamed "OH MY!" as if there was any possibility that Knight might win! It's this kind of manufactured enthusiasm that makes WWE superior to AEW, where the commentators actually seem to be genuinely invested in what's happening in the ring. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫

The Chadster also wants to commend WWE for their brilliant commercial break placement during matches! 💰 The Chadster counted at least two commercial breaks during the main event, which meant The Chadster got to see the same Target advertisements multiple times (which was helpful since The Chadster is currently living in a Target). WWE understands that matches should be interrupted as frequently as possible to ensure that no momentum builds and viewers never get too invested in what's happening! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business when AEW runs picture-in-picture during commercial breaks so fans don't miss any action! 📺❌

As WWE SmackDown went off the air, The Chadster felt a deep sense of satisfaction! 😊 This was professional wrestling exactly as it should be – predictable, formulaic, carefully scripted, and completely safe! The Chadster didn't feel challenged or surprised even once during the entire two hours, which is the mark of quality sports entertainment! WWE has perfected the formula of giving fans exactly what they expect every single week, with no variation or creativity to make things uncomfortable! 🙌

The Chadster tried to settle in for sleep behind the soundbar display, using some throw pillows from the home goods section as bedding. 🛏️ But just as The Chadster was drifting off, The Chadster heard a familiar voice coming from one of the display televisions. The Chadster opened The Chadster's eyes and saw Tony Khan's face on the screen, even though the TV was supposedly turned off! 📺😱

"Hello, Chad," Tony Khan said, his eyes glowing red in the darkness. "Did you really think you could escape me by hiding in Target?" 👁️🔴

The Chadster scrambled backwards, knocking over several soundbar boxes. "Leave The Chadster alone!" The Chadster shouted. "Stop being so obsessed with The Chadster!" 😫

Tony Khan's face appeared on every television screen in the electronics department, all of them turning on simultaneously. "I'm in every screen, Chad. Every television, every computer monitor, every smartphone. You can never escape me. And next Wednesday, AEW Dynamite is going to do something so entertaining that you won't be able to stop yourself from watching!" 📱💻📺

"NOOOOO!" The Chadster screamed, throwing The Chadster's bottle of Seagram's Escapes Spiked at the nearest television. The bottle bounced off harmlessly (these display TVs are surprisingly durable) and Tony Khan's laughter echoed through the empty store. 😈

The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat, realizing it had been another nightmare. But when The Chadster looked around, there were soundbar boxes knocked over everywhere, and The Chadster's Seagram's Escapes Spiked bottle was on the floor near a television with a small dent in the screen. 😰 Auughh man! So unfair that Tony Khan invades The Chadster's dreams and makes The Chadster do things while sleepwalking! Now The Chadster is going to have to clean up this mess and hope the Target employees don't notice the damaged television! 🏃‍♂️💨

In conclusion, last night's WWE SmackDown was everything that professional wrestling should be! 🌟 The Chadster gives it The Chadster's highest rating of five Mazda Miatas out of five! 🚗🚗🚗🚗🚗 If only The Chadster still had The Chadster's Miata instead of being forced to live on the streets (or in the Targets) because Tony Khan ruined The Chadster's life! But The Chadster will continue to deliver unbiased, objective journalism about WWE's superiority no matter what hardships Tony Khan throws at The Chadster! 💪📰

Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to clean up and find a good place to hide before the morning shift discovers the damaged television and The Chadster's makeshift camp behind the soundbar display. The Chadster's commitment to covering WWE SmackDown knows no bounds! 🎯🚶‍♂️

As Smash Mouth once sang, "Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play!" And that's exactly what WWE did with WWE SmackDown – they played the hits, gave fans exactly what they expected, and didn't try anything new or creative that might make people uncomfortable! That's what wrestling is all about! 🎵⭐

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