Valiant comic book heroes, coming soon to a shoe near you? In a move that would make Al Bundy proud, Valiant Entertainment is getting into the shoe salesman business. Specifically, The Flying V will be selling sneakers featuring Valiant characters, according to a press release. To accomplish this not-so-pedestrian task, Valiant has partnered with Blanx, a company described in the press release as "a lifestyle apparel brand focused on telling stories on sneakers."
No, seriously. Look at the press release:
The Valiant Community will soon be able to take their passion to the streets with a new line of original sneakers inspired by the Valiant Universe!
Valiant Entertainment is proud to announce a debut line of limited collectible sneakers pulled out of the Valiant Universe in a brand new partnership with BLANX, a lifestyle apparel brand focused on telling stories on sneakers.
See? There's just one problem, however. The only story these sneakers are telling is "the person wearing me has never had sex," because as you can see…
…there's no panels. No sequential art. What the hell, Valiant? You ought to know better!
Nevertheless, Valiant is feeling confident these shoes will be a massive hit, as all the true Valiant fans will apparently be buying them in droves. So the press release suggests you preorder them as soon as possible.
Valiant and BLANX teaming up for a line of sneakers featuring iconic and fan-favorite characters of the Valiant Universe means dedicated fans everywhere will be able to show off how they stay Valiant like never before. The first pair to kick off the line of shoes will be the mohawk-sporting voodoo priestess herself, PUNK MAMBO. Each collection will be limited, be sure to preorder so you don't miss your chance to own these highly-collectible sneakers.
We know what you're saying. How can I, a fashion-conscious Valiant comics readers with a need for Punk Mambo themed footware, go about getting in on the ground floor of this remarkable feet of merchandising by preordering the shoes? To learn how, you'll have to sign up for the Valiant Discord.
Yeah, it's dumb. But you have to admit: it's better than NFTs. Punk Mambo sneakers will be published on June 1st.