You Never Go Full Deadpool in New Mutants #7 [X-ual Healing 2-26-20]

There were five X-books out last week: X-Men #7, X-Force #8, Giant-Size X-Men: Jean Grey and Emma Frost #1, X-Men/Fantastic Four #2, and New Mutants #8. In addition to that, I missed New Mutants #7 from the prior week, so I'll be recapping that too. Let's find out what happened in last week's X-books…

Sworn to sell comics for Marvel executives who feared and hated the fact that Fox owned their movie rights, The Uncanny X-Men suffered great indignities, but thanks to a corporate merger and a line-wide relaunch, the X-Men can finally get back to doing what they do best: being objectively the best franchise in all of comics.

You Never Go Full Deadpool in New Mutants #7 [X-ual Healing 2-26-20]

New Mutants #7 [X-ual Healing 2-26-20]

(W) Jonathan Hickman (A/CA) Rod Reis
Deep in Shi'Ar space, the NEW MUTANTS have found themselves dead in the middle of an intergalactic power struggle. They're probably equipped to handle that, right? And back on Earth, the young mutants of Krakoa look forward to the future…whatever it may hold.
Rated T+
In Shops: Feb 19, 2020
SRP: $3.99

What happened in New Mutants #7?

The issue opens with a recap by Sunspot, the gag being that he doesn't realize the New Mutants are sharing a book with a storyline happening on Earth, so he spoils everything that would have happened in the "next" issue thinking it happened last issue while we were focused on Earth. Basically, the New Mutants survived having their ship blown up, Bobby took a killing blast for Deathbird, Deathbird killed the chief Death Commando, and then made out with Bobby and also punched him.

On Chandilar, Xandra is worried that Deathbird and the New Mutants haven't arrived yet. But then four "cycles" pass and they do arrive. But in a confusing sequence of panels, it seems we flash back a few cycles and see Karma and Cypher interrogate the Death Commando named Sega, who is a gas inside a glass ball. Doug threatens to turn it into a solid, and it reveals that some of the Imperial Guard set them up. So later (the timeline as laid out in the caption boxes is confusing), the New Mutants enter the throne room and greet Xandra, and then Deathbird tries to kill Oracle with her spear, but Gladiator catches it and throws it back at her. Bobby catches it and breaks it, pissing off Deathbird. Then a fight breaks out. Instead of showing the fight, a jokey prose page lays out rules for playing out the fight as a dice-based RPG. Then Xandra interrupts and tells everyone to stop fighting.

Deathbird tells on Oracle for sending the Death Commandos after her and the New Mutants. Oracle admits it, claiming she did it because Gladiator was meant to rule, not Xandra. Gladiator wants to kill her, but Xandra intervenes, asking Oracle to teach her to think like a soldier instead. The New Mutants plant a flower at Sam and Izzy's house on Chandilar, which grows a Krakoan gate, and they have a party with Shi'ar and Krakoans. Sam says he'll visit Krakoa but he has to stay and live on Chandilar because he's a dad and whatnot. Bobby doesn't like that, but Sam suggests Bobby can stay with him instead, and Bobby agrees. Cyclops chats with Gladiator, who says the Shi'ar owe the X-Men a favor, so Cyclops asks to put a Krakoan Gate on Chandilore as well. Readers of HoXPoX will remember that as one of the last place mutants lived during Moira's ninth life.

The Krakoans and New Mutants all go home. Later, Sam tells Bobby that Izzy doesn't want him to stay at their apartment. But Bobby bought the whole building. He didn't do it just for Sam though. He's also did it so he can get with Deathbird. The issue ends with Sam and Bobby vowing to have lots of fun.

Was it any good?

I can't tell if the issue was meant to be funny because we were seeing it from Bobby's perspective, or if Hickman just wanted to show off how witty he is. The tone was odd, but it was otherwise enjoyable. Several characters were acting off, particularly Wolfsbane, who was oddly snarky throughout the book. The weight of everything that happened in this story was sort of cheapened a bit by the fact that the issue basically went full Deadpool, with several characters even breaking the fourth wall. It seems like Hickman just wanted to get Sam and Bobby together in Chandilar and plant that gate on Chandilore, and nothing else mattered, and the story was treated like it didn't matter, and felt pretty rushed at the end besides. Kind of a let down, all things considered.

Next: more New Mutants!

Read more X-ual Healing here:

You Never Go Full Deadpool in New Mutants #7 [X-ual Healing 2-26-20]

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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