Magic: The Gathering: Top Five Cards We Would 100% Eat, No Cap

Hello and welcome, all players, dabblers, collectors, connoisseurs, and any and all other fans of Magic: The Gathering, the premier collectible trading card game designed, developed, and produced by Wizards of the Coast! Over the past few years, we have had a lot to think about with regard to what we consume. Be it media, experiences, material possessions, or even food, we, as a race, are constantly consuming things. But what happens when one piece of media has a rather strange degree of neural crosstalk with another? Right in time for American Thanksgiving, here are our top five Magic cards that we would eat without any hesitation, based on art alone.

The full art for Fat Ass, a silver-bordered card from Unhinged, a set for Magic: The Gathering. This card reminds us not to eat "the delicious cards". Illustrated by Jeremy Jarvis.
The full art for Fat Ass, a silver-bordered card from Unhinged, a set for Magic: The Gathering. This card reminds us not to eat "the delicious cards." Illustrated by Jeremy Jarvis.

#5. Bake into a Pie

So, right off the bat, we have to indulge my personal obsession with Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street by choosing Bake into a Pie to be one of the options. It's not that I like the idea of eating people; it's more that this pie, if you discount the fingers poking out, looks absolutely delicious. It's a real sight to behold. What does it probably taste like? You'd have to ask the baker.

Bake into a Pie, a card from Throne of Eldraine, an expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.
Bake into a Pie, a card from Throne of Eldraine, an expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.

#4. Hot Soup

Do you ever pine for those glory days of childhood winters, the kind of days where you'd come home and your parent or guardian would make you a nice, steaming bowl of tomato soup? Yeah, we do too. That's why Hot Soup is on this list. It's getting around the time of year for soup and as such, we would love to indulge. If you have any nice recipes for soup, let us know in the comments below!

Hot Soup, a card from Magic 2015, an expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.
Hot Soup, a card from Magic 2015, an expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.

#3. Utopia Tree

Okay, this one is a bit of a complex one to explain. See, we would not actually eat the Utopia Tree. Rather, we would love a chance to see what its fruit tastes like. Besides, there's a certain balance between food groups that makes this Magic: The Gathering card's fruit vital in addition to looking absolutely delicious. Plus, according to the flavor text (if you'll pardon the terminology), the fruit is the flavor of whatever food you love most! What's not to love?

Utopia Tree, a card from Invasion, an older expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.
Utopia Tree, a card from Invasion, an older expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.

#2. Gingerbrute

Gingerbrute brings up the lead for the runners-up in this top five Magic: The Gathering cards we would absolutely devour. In all honesty, I wouldn't think I could catch one, but if I could, I'd pull a total Lord Farquaad and dissect it before masticating. To use the wise words of one Willard Wilbur "Willy" Wonka, the cookie golem would be "scrum-diddly-umptious!"

Gingerbrute, a card from Throne of Eldraine, an expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.
Gingerbrute, a card from Throne of Eldraine, an expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.

Honorable Mention: This Specific Food Token

The Food tokens from Throne of Eldraine are pretty horrifying overall, with such foodstuffs as a boar's head and a pie with a horrific face carved into it, but this particular Food token actually shows food that looks palatable. As such, we want to give the Honorable Mention to this specific Food token. Congratulations, this specific Food token, illustrated by Donato Giancola! You've earned it.

A Food token from Throne of Eldraine, an expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.
A Food token from Throne of Eldraine, an expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.

#1. Mesa Chicken

The #1 spot on our top five Magic: The Gathering cards we would eat in a heartbeat without any hesitation was a card we admittedly did have a bit of hesitation in choosing. Mesa Chicken is literally a live chicken, so we might get a call from PETA later today, but think of the potential that animal has! Chicken is a fantastic meat with so many possibilities behind it. Just keep in mind we aren't eating it while it's alive or even raw. We are probably making it into a pot pie, or a cultural cuisine of really any kind. Chicken is so good. You can make fired chicken, baked chicken, roasted chicken, chicken soup, chicken nuggets… The list goes on. But I digress. Mesa Chicken is the culinary answer to the question: What Magic card would we eat, no questions asked?

Mesa Chicken, a card from Unglued, a silver-bordered expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.
Mesa Chicken, a card from Unglued, a silver-bordered expansion set for Magic: The Gathering.

What do you think about our top five picks for Magic: The Gathering cards we'd eat based on art alone? Would you eat any of these cards, either for American Thanksgiving or a different holiday? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below! And don't forget the soup recipes!

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About Joshua Nelson

Josh Nelson is a Magic: The Gathering deckbuilding savant, a self-proclaimed scholar of all things Sweeney Todd, and, of course, a writer for Bleeding Cool. In their downtime, Josh can be found painting models, playing Magic, or possibly preaching about the horrors and merits of anthropophagy. You can find them on Twitter at @Burning_Inquiry for all your burning inquiries.
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